Friendships and Memories
by cmg42
Summary: Edward and Bella have been friends since they were 7. They never felt the need to be paired off together like their other friends, but what happens when Edward hears something that changes his whole way of thinking? All Human. Sequel is up
1. Turnoffs

Turnoffs

E POV

I picked at my half eaten steak as Clair kept on talking about all the different cosmetics and lotions that they sell at the store she works in. Another boring girl Jasper and Emmett set me up with.

I knew I couldn't blame them. My brother and my best friend felt sorry for me and they were just trying to help me out – no matter how many times I told them I did not want to go out on dates with random strange or boring girls.

I sighed as I started zoning out; it was something I learned to pass the time while I was on these dates. Images flickered through my mind like a time line until I picked the one I wanted to focus on for the remainder of this date. I knew girls like Clair would not even notice that I wasn't paying attention, so I jumped at the chance to visit the past, knowing it was much better than the present situation I was in.

_I was seven years old and I hardly noticed any girls. The only girls I ever actually talked to were my mom and Rosalie- Jasper's twin sister, and that's because I was at his house almost every day. _

_I was sitting on my basketball, my elbows on my knees with my face in my hands. Jasper was sick and there was nothing to do. It was boring playing basketball by yourself, so I had decided to sit there and watch my brother play with the older boys. Once in a while my eyes would drift to the swing set to see if any were open, and every time I looked there was a girl standing there with big brown eyes that were piercing right through me. I didn't know what was wrong with her and I didn't care to wonder, so I just came to the conclusion that she was an annoying creepy girl-just like the rest of them. I lazily turned my attention back to the game when I felt a kick on my ball. I ignored it thinking it was another ball hitting mine, but the kicks just kept on coming faster and harder. _

"_Why do you keep doing that?!" I shouted as I turned to see who it was. I found myself eye to eye with the girl that was staring at me earlier._

_She shrugged her shoulders and simply said in a sing-song voice, "I did not want to touch you. If I called your name you would probably ignore me, so I thought this would get your attention."_

"_Yeah, well leave me alone," I seethed._

_She completely ignored what I was saying and started hopping on the hopscotch near me, "you looked lonely and I felt bad. It seems like you don't have a lot of friends, and you weren't playing with your basketball so I thought maybe you would want to play with me."_

_She was forward, girls were usually too shy to say something like that, and that made me hate her more. "I don't want to play any stupid girl games with you. Leave me alone," I realized I was begging, too embarrassed to be seen talking to a girl while all the other guys played baseball and basketball. _

"_No, we won't be playing girl games, we will be playing ball." Before I knew it she had grabbed the ball from underneath me which forced me to stand up. She let out a little giggle and I glared at her wondering what was so funny now. "See, now you want to play with me. Don't worry we will have fun"_

_I was so angry that tears were starting to creep their way in to my eyes. "I don't want to have fun. I want to watch the guys play. Now give me my ball back." I tried my hardest not to cry as I pried the ball out of her small soft hands. I sat back down in the same position I was sitting in before I was interrupted when I saw a shadow float over my legs. I turned my head warily around to see her sitting down._

"_If you don't want to play then I will just sit right here next to you, Edward," she smiled as she continued to look straight ahead._

"_How do you know my name?" I asked knowing that I had never talked to her._

_She rolled her eyes as she sighed, "you have been my neighbor since forever. I always see you and hear your mom yelling for you to come in the house. I'm also Rosalie's best friend. I see you at her house sometimes. And Alice is my best friend too, the one that Jasper is always chasing and trying to scare. Oh, and I am Bella in case you didn't know."_

_It scared me to know that this creepy girl was my next door neighbor. If she knew my name what else did she know about me? Maybe she had seen me take a bath before, or spied on me while I slept in my airplane pajamas, but all those thoughts were being washed away from my mind as I continued repeating her name in my head. _

"Bella," I whispered. I cringed realizing that I just said another girl's name while I was on a date. I looked up to see Clair eyeing me suspiciously. I suddenly remembered something. I didn't like this girl, so why would I explain to her why I said another girl's name. Might as well use it to my advantage and get rid of her.

"My name is not Bella," she growled as she stabbed her salad.

"I know, sorry. You talking about lotions and stuff reminded me of this one inside joke I have with my friend Bella about me being an…athlete," I tried to sound as innocent as possible.

Her eyes lit up, "you are an athlete? I love athletes!"

Crap, why did I say athletes? Of course she loves athletes, how is that a turn off? "Did I say me being an athlete? I meant about me having athletes foot." I tried my best not to laugh as I looked her straight in the eyes, letting her know I was dead serious.

"Well, you don't still have it do you?" She was now worried. Perfect, she was right where I wanted her. All I had to do was gross her out and I would be home in about ten minutes.

"Oh yes, I do. It always keeps coming back to me ever since I was seventeen. I don't believe in showering everyday – you know, waste of water and everything- so I think that's half the problem but lotions and powder help a lot." She was definitely disgusted. "I hope that doesn't bother you." I tried to replace the smile that was crawling its way on to my face with a frown.

"No, but I just remembered I have to go Edward! My bird…he is really sick. Umm…he called me while you were in the bathroom…he needs to go to the hospital. I'll call you," she grabbed her purse and ran out of the restaurant. I laughed knowing that I would never hear from her again.


	2. Always Were, Always Will Be

Always Were, Always Will Be

E POV

I threw my keys on the living room table as I made my way up the stairs to my bedroom when I heard Emmett talking a little too loudly with his eyes glued to the game him and Jasper were playing. "So Edward how was your lunch date? And why are you back so early? You have been gone for less than an hour."

I sighed walking down the stairs and took a seat next to Emmett. "Well Emmett, you and Jasper never fail to put me on dates with Seattle's worst. I left early because she talked too much."

Jasper paused the game and turned around to get a better look at me, "Dude make up your mind already! You complain about every girl you go on a date with. It is always either she talks too much or talks too little. I thought you like people who talk a lot."

"I do, but this one talked too much about boring things. The whole time we were there she talked about cosmetics," I said trying to defend myself.

"Wait, Edward you are too much of a gentleman to just end the date early. What did you say that made this girl run away screaming?" Emmett was now slowly turning red trying to hold in his laughter as long as possible.

"I just told her I had athletes foot," I shrugged.

Emmett finally let out his laugh which sounded like a bomb that just went off while Jasper let out the loudest snort I have ever heard. "Edward you are too much," Jasper laughed. "Last week you told Amanda you had warts in your genital area and now you tell Clair you have athletes foot?"

"There is no other way to get rid of them. Now if you guys are done making fun of me, I will be heading to my room," I punched Emmett on the shoulder as I got off the couch.

"Wait Edward," Emmett put his hand up to stop me as his other hand was wiping the tears off his eyes. "We are going to the girls' place for dinner, are you going to come along?"

I was about to say of course when I remembered I had a paper to write for class. I let out a groan, "Sorry guys but I need to finish my paper that's due tomorrow, but can you wait for a second I have something for you to give to Bella." I ran up to my room and took the ticket out of my drawer and ran back. "Here," I handed the ticket to Jasper. "I was going to ask one of you to come with, but I know you don't appreciate this type of music."

"Edward I am hurt," Emmett gasped as her put a hand to his heart. "We will let your lover know how much you think she appreciates music!" He yelled shutting the door before I can think of something witty to say back.

I slowly trudged up the stairs and made my way in to my room. Knowing that I had to focus, I quickly walked to my desk and opened up my laptop.

After twenty minutes of just staring at my half finished paper I got up and laid down on my bed, smiling at all the small memories that have their place in this room. I let out a soft chuckle remembering when the girls decided to redecorate this place.

"_I am embarrassed to call you my friend!"_ _Alice screeched as she stood open mouthed in the middle of my room. _

_I had to admit, the room was an eye sore. The walls were an off white color with plenty of stains on them because I was too lazy to paint over it. The carpet was a weird yellow color which I knew used to be white because some patches of where the old homeowner's furniture used to be were snow white. Boxes were everywhere due to the fact that I was too busy to unpack my clothes. My desk was black and my nightstand was brown – which did not match at all, and my comforter was a bright green._

"_Um, Edward? Is this carpet supposed to be this color?" Bella was sitting cross-legged on the floor carefully inspecting it._

"_Nope," I answered nonchalantly. Bella looked up at me wide eyed as her, Rosalie and Alice all jumped on my bed. I couldn't help but laugh._

"_Edward this is really gross. Even Emmett's room is not this bad. I never knew you were this much of a pig," she smirked._

"_That is it! As one of your best friends I can't let you do this to your self. We are going to redecorate your room!" Alice obviously had enough of this room after being in it for a full two minutes._

"_You are not to step foot into this room until it is all done. All we need is your credit card and we will be set," she stuck out her hand._

"_Of course that is the first thing you ask for Alice," I rolled my eyes handing the credit card to her. "Don't go too crazy and good luck."_

_After about a week of hearing "ewww" and "gross," the girls were finally finished. Alice came downstairs wearing shorts and one of Jaspers college shirts, "Edward Cullen, you are going to love this!" She was jumping up and down, pure excitement written all over her face. She pointed towards Emmett and Jasper who were busy watching COPS, "you two might want to see this also, if you think we did a good job then we can redecorate your rooms also."_

"_You already redecorated my room since you practically live there," Jasper mumbled, but he still got up to see what all the fuss was about._

_I laughed having to agree with him. Alice had gone a little too overboard with his room. It was frilly and had lace all over because Jasper was smart enough to say "what ever is mine is yours, and so is this room."_

_When I opened my door I was shocked. The first thing I noticed were Bella and Rose lying on the bed obviously tired from all the hard work. I walked in a little more and took everything in. My walls were now a deep green color. I had a nice wooden floor with a round blue and green carpet in the middle. I had a four poster dark cherry bed that now matched with my nightstand and my desk. One side of my wall was dedicated completely to my DVDs and CDs with a plasma television right in the middle of them. I was impressed. I really had some awesome friends._

"_Wow, thanks guys," I whispered still staring at my new room._

"_You deserve it Edward. You are twenty one and you finally deserve a nice room. I mean, your old room at your parents' house was amazing but that was like five years ago, and we couldn't even step foot in your dorm room because it was so bad," Bella shrugged._

"_Besides, we did what we thought was best for everyone. Alice wouldn't be able to keep her mouth shut if she came in here everyday knowing how bad your room is, and that would give everyone a headache," Rosalie laughed dodging a pillow that Alice threw at her. After about twenty minutes of us standing there everyone had walked out leaving me and Bella alone. She was now sitting up on my bed looking at a picture frame._

"_What's that?" I sat down behind her looking over her shoulder. It was a picture of when we were ten years old. We were in the pool in my back yard and we were playing chicken. In the picture Rose was slowly sliding off of Emmett's shoulders, Alice was standing on Jasper's shoulders looking like she was about to jump off, and Bella was sitting on mine with her tiny fists in the air – proud of herself for winning chicken for the first time. _

"_It is a present for your new room. I have had this picture for the longest time and I thought I would make a copy and frame it for you. You know, for whenever you are feeling down you can look at this picture and know we will always be there for you, like we always have," she handed the picture to me and got up._

_I was in awe by the words she had just said. I set down the picture and got up before she left my room. "Bella, wait. Thanks for being such an awesome friend, and thank you for helping out with my room when you could have been sitting at home relaxing after finally graduating from school…and thank you for this picture."_

_She slowly walked up to me and put her arms around my waist, "Edward, I already told you – you deserve it. We love you and of course I helped out with your room, you are my best friend. I'll see you downstairs." She gave me a light kiss on the cheek and walked out of the room._


	3. Just Friends

B POV

"I thought you guys promised to stop bringing up this whole Edward and me crap," I turned my back on them making sure the pot roast was fine, not even caring to hide my frustration.

"Yeah we did promise you that but now Edward constantly talks about you and we want to finally put you two where you belong," Emmett took a swig of his beer.

"Oh really, and where do we belong?" I asked not bothering to turn back around.

"In each other's arms," Alice stated like it was the most obvious thing in the world. I turned around and glared at my four friends. They were all sitting around the bar in the kitchen drinking beer and watching me as I cooked.

"Look guys, I have told you before and I will tell you again – there never will be anything between us. Edward is my best friend just like how you guys are my _best_ friends.

"Just because I am close to him I should date him? If that's how it is then I should date every single one of you," I tossed a head of lettuce and a knife to Rosalie hoping that that would distract them. It obviously did not work.

"You dating us would make sense if you were meant for us, but you aren't. You and Edward are," Rose did not even bother to look up from the lettuce she was cutting up.

I sat down suddenly tired from all this arguing. We have had this argument many times before and they still do not understand.

"Guys look, I understand you care about us, but there is nothing there. Just because you guys are paired off does not mean me and Edward have to also. We are just friends, just like how it has always been. It never bothered us before and it does not bother us now."

"All right Bella," Jasper said eyeing me suspiciously. I exhaled loudly thinking he gave up for the moment but he continued, "If that is true then why do you get all nervous when Edward is on one of his dates? When ever he says he is going on a date you mope around. When we hang out the first thing you ask is if Edward is going to be there and when he isn't you don't tag along."

That was easy. Did he honestly think he had me there? "Well Jasper, I don't mope around I just feel bad for him because he always tells you how he doesn't want to go on dates because he is busy with med school, but you guys don't pay attention. I ask if Edward is going because when you four are together it is like a double date and when Edward is there it doesn't feel like I am intruding because it is the whole group.

"When he doesn't go I don't go because it does feel like I am intruding, so don't think I have some hidden feelings. If I really did you guys would know by now because you annoy me so much. Sometimes I feel like just lying and saying I do have feelings for him so you can leave me alone!" I yelled. I barely ever yelled at my friends but I was starting to get really annoyed.

"Ok, ok calm down," Emmett laid his hand gently on my shoulder. "Here, he wanted me to give you this ticket. Some classical music thing, he wants you to go with him. The funny thing is Edward never asked any of us, he just went straight to you."

I was beaming. I wanted to go to this concert for weeks, and then I realized what Emmett was really saying. Edward asked me first because he has feelings for me. They will never give up. "He probably knows you guys do not appreciate this type of music." Jasper and Emmett started laughing.

"Wow, you two really are meant for each other," Jasper continued laughing as he stared at my face that was slowly becoming as red as the tomatoes I was chopping.

**A/N Thank you for reading this! This is my first time writing fanfiction and I always liked the Twilight all human ones so I decided to try it out. I dont know when I can write next because I have this college orientation thing, but I will try to as soon as possible. Please read and review!!**


	4. Internal Struggles

E POV

I turned off my computer with a sigh, having decided that if I wasn't going to get any work done, I might as well go to the girls' place for dinner.

I quickly stepped out into the warm air, deciding to walk instead of drive there. Trying to get my mind off of all the medical terms going through my head, I tried to think about what Bella thought about the concert ticket. Hopefully she accepted it knowing that me and her have the same taste in music, and not because as Emmett and Jasper think, that I have a thing for her.

I couldn't understand why the group has been jumping down my throat lately. They constantly brought up how Bella and I should be together. After all these years they now think that is a good idea? They used to joke around about how we should just get married because of our closeness, but it was never anything serious like this.

My friends were on a mission – on a mission that they would fail. There is nothing between Bella and me other than friendship, and I was silently praying that they would realize that soon.

I was about to open the door to their apartment since they barely ever locked it when I heard yelling. Bella was yelling, she never yelled. I quietly opened the door and tiptoed halfway in the hallway. I felt like a stalker, but for some reason I had a feeling that if I walked in they would stop, and I would have no idea what they were talking about.

After listening to her for a couple more seconds, I knew exactly what they were talking about. I was shocked. Those four have been bothering her about us just as much as they have been bothering me. I smiled as I continued to listen to Bella's answer which sounded a lot like the answers I would give them when they bothered me about this subject.

After a few minutes all I heard was laughter, so I thought it was ok to walk in now. When I walked into the kitchen I noticed Bella's face was a dark red as she was chopping tomatoes rather harshly. "Whoa Bella, why is your face so red?" I asked knowing that that would just annoy her even more. My question just made everyone else burst into giggles as Bella turned her back to me.

"I thought you had a paper to work on?" Emmett asked handing me a beer.

"I couldn't concentrate so I thought I might as well come here," I drank some of my beer allowing the cold to sooth my dry throat. "Oh hey Bella, did the guys give you the concert ticket?" This question also received a bunch of giggles. I just stared back at them with a confused expression.

"Yeah, thanks. I can't wait to see it," she said over her shoulder as she poured dressing into the salad.

After a couple more minutes of Emmett and Jasper giggling like school girls, we were finally sitting around the dinner table. Everyone was laughing and talking but I was quietly eating my dinner. I couldn't help but let my thoughts wander to what Bella said earlier. I had said the same thing many times before, but hearing her say it seemed more real. I always thought that if Bella and I never had anyone we would end up being together, knowing very well that that would never happen. She was a beautiful girl and can get anyone she wanted, but knowing that she felt the same way I did meant that I didn't stand a chance – ever. My stomach felt like it was doing cartwheels and suddenly I was not hungry anymore. I felt warm air next to my ear which just made me feel even more claustrophobic and sick.

"Are you ok Edward? You haven't been talking or eating much," Bella whispered in my ear.

"Yeah, I was thinking about my paper and how much I need to finish it. It is due tomorrow, and if I don't go home now I don't think I will ever have the will to finish it. I'm not hungry anymore so I think I will go." I got up and said my goodbyes to the girls and quickly walked out of the house.

I stood outside taking in deep breaths, thankful that I didn't have a car to drive back. I couldn't understand why I was having these feelings. Why does it matter if Bella says nothing will ever happen between us?

I have said the same thing many times before. I never saw Bella that way and I never was planning to. I don't want anything to ever happen between us. I took another deep breath and started walking in hopes that what I heard will be forgotten in the morning.


	5. First Kisses

E POV

Working on my paper did help me get my mind off of things, but it was short lived, having finished it in record time. I went back on my bed and laid face down.

I dug my face deeper into the pillow. This is so silly. I am acting like a seventeen year old boy. I am twenty two and I am now having these thoughts?

I have no feelings for Bella at all. She is like my sister. This is the girl who would wrestle me for the last coke in the fridge. The girl who would stay up late with me to help me out with biology. The girl who is blunt and brutal when she has to be. The girl who knows every single thing about me. No, I am just feeling this way because now I know it will never happen, and me being the man I am wants to prove that it can happen. Well, it won't happen. I won't allow myself to have thoughts like this, especially when we both know there is nothing between us.

I rolled over and stared at the ceiling, remembering the one time when I did allow something to happen.

_We were fifteen and Emmett, Bella and I were sitting in my room playing a video game while Rose was cuddled into Emmett's side watching. Alice burst into my room her usually perfect pixie black hair was now disheveled. Her eyes were wild with excitement and her cheeks were flushed._

_Bella was the first to notice as she set down her controller and quietly turned around looking Alice up and down. "Alice, are you ok?" She asked, her brow creased with worry._

_Rose turned around, curious to see what was wrong with Alice. It took her a few seconds to figure what was wrong when she jumped off the couch._

"_Alice Brandon you had your first kiss didn't you?!" Rose screeched making Emmett throw his controller in the air._

_Emmett, now angry that the game was ruined turned around, "Jasper finally got the guts to do it?"_

"_It was amazing! He was driving me home since he just got his license. We were in your parking lot, Bella, because I told him I was spending the week at your house since my parents are on vacation. Then I remembered you were probably at Edward's house, so he backed out and went into Edward's driveway. I was about to leave when he grabbed my hand," she was staring at he her hand like it was the first time she had ever truly noticed it. "He then looked into my eyes and said 'Alice Brandon I am in love with you and always will be,' and then he grabbed my face and gave me the most passionate kiss ever._

"_It was just like the movies. My hands went into his hair and then his hands were in my hair. I didn't want to stop but when I did to get some air, I saw Esme looking out the window. She didn't look mad, but I thought it was rude to kiss on someone's property while they are watching. I can't wait to see him again," she squealAfter a couple more minutes of silence Alice spoke up again, "Wait Emmett what do you mean finally? Have you and Rose kissed already?" Emmett and Rose both turned a deep shade of red. "Rosalie Hale we made a promise that we would tell each other! I just explained how your brother and I made out and he probably won't like that, so spit it out now!" _

"_It's no big deal really. We were downstairs watching Transformers when I caught Emmett staring at me. He told me that he was dying to kiss me and if it was ok. I nodded and next thing I knew we were kissing." Rosalie playfully punched Emmett's arm._

"_Was it a kiss kiss?" Bella asked now that the blush from the two intimate stories was fading off of her face._

"_Oh, yes it was," Emmett let out a booming laugh. "Anyways I'm hungry lets go eat." _

_I watched the three of them leave my room when I noticed Bella staring at me. I knew she wanted to ask me an uncomfortable question by the way she was playing with her hands. "Edward, have you had your first kiss?" She whispered. _

_I was the one blushing now. "No, I have never had a girlfriend and you know that," I said as I started putting the controllers away._

_She looked away from me, "you don't have to have a girlfriend to have your first kiss." After another minute of awkward silence she started again, "Edward, it seems like everyone had their first kiss except for us. Do you want to have it? Just as friends, I mean. Nothing big…we won't even have to tell them."_

_That was not what I was expecting but for some reason I couldn't say no. I turned around and looked deep in to her brown eyes. All I could see was innocence. All she needed was a nod and she was walking up to me. I watched her as she put my hands around her waist and she put her arms around my neck. Her brown eyes looked into my green eyes and once again all I could do was nod. I bent my head down and she softly placed her trembling lips on mine. All of a sudden I couldn't think. I remembered watching a movie where they were making out once, so I decided to do what the actor did. I opened my mouth and forced my tongue into her mouth. Her tongue was so soft and warm and tasted of the skittles she was eating a few minutes ago. Bella surprised me again by pushing me away._

"_Ugh Edward, I said I wanted you to kiss me, not to eat me," she whined._

"_Sorry! I didn't know what to do." I tried looking anywhere but her. She didn't like it._

"_It's ok. Let's go join the others," she grabbed my hand and led me down the stairs._

I started smiling knowing now that I was ok. I never liked her and she never liked me. The only thing I liked about that kiss was that it tasted like candy, and she was just grossed out. I know it should have hurt my feelings, and it probably did when I was younger but now I was overjoyed by the fact that she thought I was appalling and I thought the same thing! Knowing this I was finally able to relax. I closed my eyes and allowed sleep to take over.

**A/N Thank you for reading this and reviewing!!**


	6. Blind Dates

B POV

"Bella wake up!" I lifted my heavy head from my pillow to see Alice jumping up and down on my bed.

I put my head back down and groaned in to my pillow, "Alice for once let me sleep in. I start a new job next week and I will be waking up early everyday."

"I'm sorry Bella but you can't sleep in." She pulled my comforter off my body and dragged me out of bed. "Now, I want you to take a shower and meet me and Rose in the living room." She kissed my cheek and skipped out of the room.

After twenty minutes I walked back into the living room where Rose handed me a bagel and a bottle of juice. I was confused as to why they wouldn't even let me eat breakfast in my own house, "where are we going?"

"We are going shopping," Alice mumbled shutting the door to the apartment once they had dragged me out.

"What? No! We are not. Guys, there is nothing special going on at the moment, so I do not need new clothes." I was scared of shopping with these two, no I was terrified. I usually made one of the guys come along, but it was obviously out of the question.

Rosalie looked at Alice and decided to speak for her, "well Bella, it is your lucky day because there is something special going on." Once again my two best friends knew what was going on in my life before I even knew.

"What is it then? I refuse to take another step if you do not tell me."

"You are going on a blind date tomorrow and we need to find you something nice to wear."

I can only imagine how horrified I looked. "You guys know how ridiculous I think blind dating is! Why the hell do you think I would agree to this? No, I am not going." I was slowly getting irritated by my friends. I knew they were doing this to make me suffer. I refused to force myself to have any feelings for Edward, so as payback they were going to set me up with the most un-datable men in Seattle.

"It's not that bad Bella. I swear he is a great guy. It seems like you two are meant for each other," Alice cut in knowing exactly what I was thinking.

"What's his name?"

Alice hesitated for a second, "Ben, his name is Ben Johnson. He is a pharmacist and he loves books, now let's go."

After a couple more complaints from me we were finally in the mall. Rose and Alice found at least two perfect dresses in each store but refused to pick anything until we searched everywhere, completely ignoring me when I showed them a dress I liked.

We were in a small boutique where I was watching Alice go crazy when a dress caught my eye. I picked it up and gave it a good look. It was a white summer dress with brown and yellow flowers. It reached a little bit above my knee and I thought it was perfect – not too formal yet not too casual.

"Rose, Bella found the perfect dress!" Alice yelled from behind me. "Now all we have to do is find a cute pair of white shoes and we are done."

Six hours and a lot of whining and complaining from me later we were home. I was sitting on the couch flipping through the channels when Rose came up to me. "Hey Bella, just letting you know I told Ben what you are wearing so he knows it is you. He is going to be wearing a pink dress shirt with a brown and pink tie and brown pants."

I raised my eye brows at her, "pink dress shirt with a brown and pink tie and brown pants? Rosalie, are you sure Alice didn't dress this guy?" Rose bit her lip trying to stop herself from laughing. "I am glad you enjoy my pain but I am now going to bed. My head and feet are killing me from all that shopping."

I got up and walked to my room, totally not excited about this date that I will have tomorrow.

E POV

"Do you want another burger?" I shouted from inside the kitchen.

"Do you even have to ask?" Emmett laughed.

I walked back into the living room where Emmett was watching some war movie and eating his fourth burger. "So when is Jasper coming back from his trip?"

Emmett was still focused on the movie, "tomorrow and it is a good thing too. Alice has had nothing better to do than make all these stupid plans for the blind date."

I was confused. Why would Alice go on a blind date with someone? The thought had me worrying thinking that there were some problems between her and Jasper, or maybe she was doing this behind his back. As much as I loved Alice, Jasper was like a brother to me, and why does Emmett act like it is no big deal?

"What blind date?"

"Your blind date."

I was relieved to know that this blind date had nothing to do with Alice; I recovered quickly when I realized what Emmett had just said. I turned the TV off now confused more than ever. "Emmett what are you talking about my blind date? I don't know anything about a blind date, and why is Alice setting it up?"

"Oh yeah, I was supposed to ask you first. Alice knows this girl and she said she is really great and everything. You want to go on a date with her?"

I knew I should have expected something like this. It was typical of Alice to set up a date with someone and then ask me if it was ok, which would leave me with no choice other than attending it. Well, this time I was not going to agree to it. "Oh no, no way. I have agreed to go on these stupid dates for way too long. I am not going to put up with another one."

"First of all, the girls we picked were hot. Not our fault you can't appreciate them, and I did not pick this one – Alice did. She said she is a really great girl and even Rose approved of her. You know Rose, if she approves then she must be great," Emmett bit a big chunk off of his burger.

"Ok fine, but this is the last time I will ever agree to do this. What's her name anyways and when is this date?" I knew there was no point of arguing, I would still end up going.

Emmett looked confused for a minute like he couldn't remember the girls name but then continued, "The date is tomorrow at the Metropolitan Grill at six and her name is something like Heather Johnson. Now do you agree, so if you do then I can call the girls and let them know?"

I nodded as I watched Emmett grab for his phone. After talking to Rose for a couple of minutes he turned to me, "what will you be wearing? They want to know, so they can let her know so she can recognize you at the restaurant. She is going to be wearing a white summer dress with random crap on it and white shoes."

I thought through all the clothes that I had and remembered I had an outfit that Alice gave me for Christmas that I still haven't worn. "I will wear a pink and brown tie, a pink dress shirt and brown pants." Another couple minutes went by and Emmett hung up.

"You are letting Alice dress you up for a date? What is with all this pink? Anyways please be a man for once and don't make me ashamed of calling you my brother."

"I will try my hardest not to," I smirked. "That outfit is actually my style, Alice just beat me to it by buying it for me. I'm going to bed." I slowly walked up the stairs to my room dreading meeting this girl tomorrow.


	7. Unexpected

B POV

I opened my eyes and saw the sun shining brightly outside my window. Today was the first time the sun was shining in weeks, and for the first time in months Alice did not wake me up by jumping on my bed. Maybe this was going to be a good date after all.

I took my time with my shower and breakfast. If I was going to go on this date I would have to be as relaxed as possible, especially if he turned out to be some annoying pervert that I would be stuck with for a couple of hours. I thought about all the other men I had been set up with and grimaced. I would definitely need to be as relaxed as possible.

My relaxing idea flew right out of the window as soon as Alice walked in with a bag of makeup and hair supplies. She took one look at me and sat down in the chair across from where I was sitting. "Honestly Bella, you could have at least straightened that hair of yours while I was gone." She was now completely focused on the contents of her bag.

I touched the messy bun on top of my head. "It's not that bad," I muttered.

"Rosalie won't be able to help us out, but I think if we start now we can pull this look off," she said as she shoved a picture into my hands.

"Aw Alice. My date isn't for another six hours. Why the rush?" I complained, but I grudgingly looked down at the picture and snorted. "Alice you honestly think you can make me look like that? She is gorgeous!"

"And what are you Bella?"

"Not that beautiful, not that beautiful at all."

"Oh Bella, have you no faith in your good looks and my amazing talent?" I let out a groan when she reached into her bag and pulled out a flat iron and a curling iron. She was already starting on my hair. This was going to be a long day.

After being picked, prodded, pinned and even yelled at, Alice was finally done. She stood in front of me, hands on her hips smiling. At least _she_ was still happy after hours of putting up with my crap.

"Bella you look beautiful!" Alice clapped her hands.

Just then the door opened and Rosalie stormed in. "Did I make it in time – Bella…you look amazing." She stopped as soon as she saw me, her eyes wide. "Is that even her, Alice?" She joked.

I walked over to the full length mirror in Alice's room and let out a gasp. My hair was styled in a way that I knew I would never be able to do on my own. My spaghetti straps covered by the hair that was flowing down my shoulders in big, loose curls. My makeup looked very natural, with the rosy lip gloss and light eye shadow.

"It's time to go Bella," Alice tugged at my arm. I then remembered why I looked so nice. The few minutes I was looking at myself in the mirror, I was so focused on what a great Job Alice did, that I had completely forgotten about the date.

My stomach then started doing back flips. I didn't know this guy at all. At least I had talked to all the other guys I went on dates with before we actually went out. What if I didn't know what to talk about? What if he was the worst possible guy I can go on a date with? I gave Alice a pleading look.

"Everything will be fine, Bella. He is such a great guy You are in for a surprise," she said pushing me out of the house.

"A very big surprise," Rose snickered.

"Oh, and don't forget, the reservation is under Johnson." She shut the door before I could say anything back.

The ten minute car ride to the Metropolitan Grill was not enough to calm my nerves. I even thought about standing him up, but then Alice's angry face would swim into my mind and I would chicken out – convincing myself that this would be a great date, and that maybe this guy would be my future husband. I let out a chuckle, thinking how silly my thoughts were. That is something Alice would think, not me.

I reluctantly got into the restaurant, stumbling my way up to the host trying to be as invisible as I can. Nerves, lack of coordination and high heels were definitely not a good mix. I exhaled a sigh of relief, thanking God for not allowing me to trip and embarrass myself.

"Good evening miss do you have a reservation?" The host looked up from his book of names.

"Uh, yes Johnson," I looked around the restaurant eager to just sit at any table and get this date over with. I was silently praying that the host would tell me Ben called and said he couldn't make it and that he was very sorry.

"Ah, your date has not arrived yet." I looked at him hoping he would tell me what I was expecting. "He called and said he will be a little late, but let me walk you to your table." I frowned, slowly fallowing him. He took me to a table in the far corner of the restaurant.

I noticed that we were a little separated from everyone else, which just made the nerves come back. There was very little light and there were three pink tea candles in the middle of the table, and roses scattered around them. What was Alice thinking setting me up with this guy? This was just a blind date not a proposal.

"Why is it so…um…romantic?" I asked pointing to the table.

"An Alice Cullen told us to set it up like this. She paid for everything, she said she wanted it to be perfect. Is that a problem?"

The blood rushed to my cheeks. I would have to have a little talk with Alice once I got home. "No."

"Is there anything else miss?" I shook my head and the host left.

I was playing with the rose petals, cursing Alice, when I heard someone behind me. Hopefully the man would not think I was his date and would leave, but of course I lucked out.

"I'm so sorry I am a little late Heather. There was construction going on so it took a while for me to get here." This man's voice seemed oddly familiar, but he called me Heather, which meant he was not my date!

"I'm sorry but I am not Heather. I think you got the wrong table." I turned around to give him an apologetic smile. "Edward?" My jaw dropped. He was standing directly behind me, wearing what Alice told me Ben would be wearing. "You are not Ben Johnson."

"No, and you are not Heather Johnson," he cocked his head to the side and narrowed his eyes, giving me a small smile. He didn't know what was going on either. "Hey, you are wearing the same thing Emmett told me Heather would be wearing."

"Same with you and Ben," I laughed

He went around me and sat down across the small, circular table. He was staring intently at the white linen table cloth, trying to figure out what was going on. He finally looked up at me, "I am confused Bella."

I stared back for a moment. His bronze hair was sticking out everywhere, with some pieces falling in front of his eyes, giving him the boyish charm I loved. His eyebrows were knit together in bewilderment, and he had a small smile playing on his lips. The light from the tea candles was mirrored in his eyes, dancing with excitement. The dress shirt he was wearing hugged his body, leaving little to the imagination. No Ben Johnson could pull off what he was wearing, I should have known that. He was perfect, and some day he was going to make some woman happy. I grinned as I thought back to what my mom had said to me before she left Forks.

"_I know having the chicken pox over the summer sucks, but at least you get special treatment," Edward smiled putting the movies he got me on my night stand._

"_You got me enough movies to watch for days," I laughed trying to sit up in bed. "Besides, you are always here to keep me company, so I don't really need the movies."_

"_You will have a wide selection to choose from this weekend, when you are bored and I am not here. I'm going to go visit my grand parents tonight. I will be staying there this whole weekend. It is going to be so boring, but I promise will call you."_

"_You better," I poked him._

"_I have something else for you." He reached inside a plastic bag and pulled a canteen out. "I told my mom to make you chicken noodle soup. I know how much you like it." He looked at the canteen and then at me. "Um, can you eat, or will I need to feed you?"_

_I started laughing again. "I'm eleven Edward, I can eat it myself. Thanks for the soup. And tell Esme I said thanks too, and tell Emmett I said thanks for letting me borrow his Playstation."_

"_No problem." He shrugged._

"_Edward, you parents are waiting for you," Renee walked in smiling. She was probably spying on us._

_Edward scowled, "time to go die from boredom. Get better Bella. I expect all those spots to be gone when I get back!" He gave me a hug, said goodbye to my mom and then he left._

"_All that stuff is for you?" Renee eyed the movies and games Edward had just given me. I nodded. "He really is a sweet boy, that whole family is. I'm glad you are friends with him."_

"_I know mom," I blew on my soup._

"_Do you have a crush on him sweetie?" She sat at the foot of my bed._

"_No mom!"_

"_Well, you should." Was she seriously telling her eleven year old daughter that she should like her best friend? "If you don't have a crush on him now, you never will. He will probably end up falling in love with you and you will never see him as anything other than a friend. Even if you do have feelings for him later on, you will push them away thinking it's not right, and then some day he will make another woman happy. You will regret it when that happens."_

"_Mom, Edward doesn't have a crush on me."_

"_I see the way he looks at you Bella. The way he hugs you, holds you, talks to you."_

"_We are eleven mom! Just friends!"_

"_You come and tell me you feel the same when you are twenty."_

My mom was right about a lot of things, like how I only saw Edward as a friend. She was wrong however, about my feelings for him. Even though right now at this moment, with the lights shining on his beautiful face making him look like he was glowing, I had no feelings for him.

"Bella? I said I'm confused. Do you know what's going on?" Edward's smooth agitated voice broke me from my thoughts.

"Well Mr. Cullen, it seems like our best friends set us up. They told us it was a blind date so we wouldn't argue with them about how we are not meant for each other. They put us in a romantic setting and paid for everything already because they know I would not let their money go to waste. We got played," I patted his hand.

He politely slid his hand from underneath mine and ran it through his hair, "so you are Heather Johnson, and I am Ben Johnson?" I nodded with a smile. I couldn't believe that they got away with this without us noticing it. "They will never understand will they?" I shook my head. "Oh well, free food with my best friend. It can't get better than this. I was actually dreading this date, I'm kind of glad I got stuck with you." I couldn't help but laugh, completely agreeing with him.

My laugh had an edge to it, and I abruptly stopped, knowing that Edward would soon notice. I didn't understand why he shied away from my touch. Edward and I were very close friends. Ever since we were young we would constantly hug, hold hands or even cuddle. He seemed like he was enjoying himself now though, so I did not bother to think anything of it any more.

Time flew by so fast that I did not even notice the restaurant was closing.

"I know you love talking to me and everything, but this date has to end. They are starting to put the chairs up on the table," Edward pointed out.

"Oh!" I looked around and noticed everyone was gone except for a few workers who were eying us warily.

"I'll walk you to your car," he laughed.

As Edward and I started walking to my car I wondered how he took today. Was it a date or just friends hanging out? He was probably thinking the same thing I was, silently wondering if I took today the wrong way. I decided to let him know before we both started freaking out.

"I had fun Edward." He nodded. "I hope you know I took today as nothing more than just friends eating dinner, so you don't need to worry about if it was a date or not."

He flashed his beautiful smile, his perfect white teeth eerily glowing in the moonlight. "You know me so well Bella." He gave me a quick hug and as he was letting go he whispered in my ear, "and as a man saying this to his best friend, you looked beautiful today." A shiver ran its way down my body.

When I got into the apartment Alice and Rose were sitting in the living room waiting for me. I decided to ignore them and go straight into my room – they deserved to suffer for what they put me through.

I knew it wouldn't last long and sure enough they walked in. "So how was your date?" Rose asked innocently.

I glared at them, not bothering to answer. I pushed them out of my room and just as I was about to shut the door I quickly answered, "Oh my date with Ben Johnson was just lovely. Thank you for paying for everything guys."

"Hey Rose, do you think some random guy named Ben Johnson showed up and actually had dinner with her?" I heard Alice giggle.

"Yeah, and his name is Edward Cullen. Don't be stupid Alice of course she ate dinner with Edward, and she obviously enjoyed it or she would be yelling at us by now."

I looked at the mirror on my vanity table and a completely different girl stared back at me. My eyes seemed to sparkle like they never had before, for once my face was not red, but a nice cream color with just the slightest blush on my cheeks. Beautiful, that's what Edward called me.

I got into bed and thought about what Rose had just said. Did I not complain because I actually liked this romantic dinner?

No, of course not. It was not romantic at all. Just dinner with a friend, with roses, candles and romantic lighting.


	8. Confused

E POv

I was slowly driving back home, thinking about the date and everything that had happened today. I laughed when I thought about the unneeded excuse for being late at the restaurant. I had purposefully driven the long way to the Metropolitan Grill, planning on lying and saying it was construction that delayed me. The less time I would have to spend, the better, but when I saw Bella I was shocked and then relieved. I didn't have to put up with someone I didn't know and I actually had a good time.

As angry as I was with my friends, I was thankful. We were both so busy, me with med school and her going through a bunch of job interviews, that we never had time to actually talk. Last time I had seen her was when I went to her house for dinner, but I hadn't even stayed long enough to say more than five sentences to her.

I hadn't actually talked to her one on one for so long that I realized I had missed her, a lot. During the 'date,' I was paying such close attention to her that I noticed she experienced so many emotions just during those couple of hours. Bella's face was like an open book, her emotions clearly written all over her face.

When I first saw her, her face showed fear and then relief. It then turned in to enjoyment which turned into hurt which then turned into enjoyment again. I understood why she was scared and then happy, but why was she sad? Her lips would always pout and her eyes would fall to the floor when she was upset, so I knew right away she was hurt. What I didn't know was if it was something I said or did. I was very confused as to why she was feeling the things she was, but since we were having so much fun, I had decided not to bring it up.

I smiled when I thought about the reaction I had when Bella turned around. I couldn't get over it. I actually gasped when I saw her. She probably thought that gasp was from surprise, and it sort of was, but it was mostly because she was so beautiful. Throughout the years, I had seen Bella grow up and mature into a beautiful woman, and I always knew she was beautiful, but I never saw her that way because I always saw her as just a friend. Today kind of reminded me of when we were eighteen and I took her to prom. I remember thinking she was the prettiest girl there, and when I held her close I didn't want to let go, but at the end of the day she was just my friend Bella. It wasn't as much of a shock because I knew how she was going to look that day.

This time I was not expecting her to be my date, so when I saw her, I couldn't help but notice her beauty. Her long mahogany hair was swept up out of her face with curls cascading down her back. Her white dress fit her body like a glove, showing off curves that I never knew she had. Her soft hand, once it had touched mine, my heart had started to pound against my ribs. I was afraid that she would be able to hear it, so I quickly and casually ran my hand through my hair.

My mind drifted to her lips. Her lips that kept on grabbing my attention…have they always been that full and kissable? For those couple of seconds she was staring at me, I wanted to grab her soft face and kiss her. I was wondering if she was thinking about the same thing. My two fingers automatically went to my lips, remembering that day I had kissed Bella.

No, stop Edward. I couldn't have these thoughts about her. She is beautiful but you have no feelings for her, and I didn't. When I saw her tonight I did notice a couple of things for the first time, but it wasn't anything romantic. She is just a friend. A very beautiful friend that for some reason I have no feelings for.

So if I had no feelings for her, why was the fact that she felt the need to remind me that we were just friends still bugging me? I kept feeling a tug at my heart every time I repeated the words she said today and a couple days ago at her place. I couldn't deny it, no matter how many times I lied to myself, deep down it was really bothering me.

I had to stop thinking about this. I couldn't tell Bella what was going on in my head. She was so positive about our friendship that if I ever told her, she would question every hug, conversation and intimate moment we have ever had. She always told me how she was never sure about anything except our friendship. If she found out she would distance herself and that would hurt her. I had promised her I would never hurt her.

"_Edward…Edward please answer," Bella's soft voice came through the static of the walkie-talkie._

_I poked my head out from under my comforter and looked at my alarm clock: 3:14 am. Once again Bella woke me up, having a little too much fun with the walkie-talkie that I gave her. If I knew she would wake me up every night to tell me meaningless facts, I would have not given it to her._

"_Bells, I told you these are only for emergency purposes." I waited for her to answer but all I heard was whimpering. "Bella…are you crying?This is an emergency, isn't it?"_

"_She left Edward. She's gone and isn't coming back again. This isn't another vacation – it's for good."_

_I knew exactly what she was talking about once she had said the first three words. I hated hearing her like this, and I knew that she needed comfort as soon as possible. "Meet me in my back yard right now." I jumped out of bed and tiptoed my way to the back yard. For a September day in Forks it was pretty warm. I sat down on my trampoline and waited for her._

"_Edward? Where are you?" She sniffled._

"_I'm on the trampoline, come sit by me." She slowly walked towards me, her arms out afraid to bump into anything in the dark. The squeak of the trampoline let me know she was on it and then she was sitting an inch away from me. I grabbed her hand and squeezed it, letting her know I was there for her. "Now, tell me what happened," I whispered._

"_I was sleeping when I heard my mom and dad arguing. My mom said stuff like how she wants to leave Forks. She said that she is sick of this place and she wants to move – that she hated small town life . My dad told her that we have a life here and we are not leaving._

"_They started yelling at each other and then my mom came in my room with suitcases telling me to pack up so we can leave. I was crying because I didn't want to go, and then my dad walked in. He said that I don't have to go, that I can stay with him. My mom got mad at him, but I told her that I wanted to stay here. Then she left without saying bye." She started crying again._

_I opened up my arms for her and she crashed into me, her small arms wound their way around my waist. "Bella, everything will be ok. You never know she might hate where ever she is going and she might come back. If not, then you know we will always be here for you." I had a feeling Renee would be leaving soon. I always heard her talking to my mom about it, telling her how much she hated this life._

_As mad as I was that Bella was upset, the selfish side of me was happy. I knew Bella loved her mom very much, but I didn't know how I would be able to handle it if she had decided to leave with her._

_We sat in comfortable silence just holding on to each other when Bella sat up and looked at me, "Edward, it's my birthday today."_

_I pulled her into me again, "I know, happy thirteenth birthday Bella." Of course I knew it was her birthday, I knew everything about her – almost as well as I knew myself._

"_Don't ever leave me," she quietly whispered._

"_I won't ever leave you or hurt you. That's a promise."_

"_That's a good birthday present," She winked._

_I laughed at how this girl, even in her time of sadness, was trying to get out of a birthday present. "I'm pretty sure you will love the present I bought you."_

"_Edward! You promised you wouldn't get me anything!"_

"_Not buying you presents in one promise I won't keep." She let out a giggle as she pushed me down on the trampoline._

_I was glad for that one moment; I was able to make her forget everything._

When I finally got home, I was relieved to find that Emmett and Jasper were not there. I really needed time to think and I knew that with them around it would not happen. I went to the fridge to get a water bottle when my phone rang. I looked at the caller ID and smiled.

"Hey Emmett." I knew he was calling me to see how the date went.

"How was your date with HEATHER?" He laughed. I heard Jasper call him some name in the background.

"It was interesting. I was not expecting it to go the way it did," I answered honestly.

"I bet you didn't."

"What are you guys doing anyways?"

Emmett let out another laugh as I heard Jasper threaten him. "Jasper wanted to go watch a movie called The Revenge of the Pumpkin Head. Saying it sounded like a terrifying movie. We go to the theater and see all these kids around us. We thought maybe they were just interested in a good scare, well no, Jasper was just interested in a G movie. We left once Peter, he is the pumpkin head, started to sing, and now we are going to a bar. Do you want us to come pick you up, or did Heather tire you out?" This time Jasper laughed.

"You two really do belong in that theater full of children. I'm going to bed. I'll see you guys tomorrow."

As I was drifting off to sleep a thought came to my mind that made me quickly sit up in bed panting. What if I did have feelings for Bella? What if I was subconsciously pushing the fact that I wanted her out of my mind because I didn't want to ruin things. What if I continued to act this way and it pushed me away from Bella more than it would if I just flat out told her? What if telling her would not hurt her but make her happy? What if she wanted this too but was thinking the same things I was thinking now?

I groaned falling back on my pillow, quickly spiraling into a dream.

_I was walking in the dark, but I wasn't alone. I was holding someone's warm little hand. It wasn't a child, but it was someone physically smaller than me. I continued to walk, with leaves crunching below my feet. The person next to me trying to quicken her stride so she can catch up with me. I wanted to slow down so she can have a chance to rest, but we had to be there at a certain time – for the lights._

"_Edward, where are we going?" She laughed._

_Her laugh rang like bells. I dug my fingernails into my palm, stopping myself from kissing her right there. This has to be perfect."Almost there," I was really concentrated on our destination even though I didn't know where exactly I was going. She continued to laugh. I got the feeling that we were finally there so I stopped, the girl bumping into my back. I turned around pulling her in to my arms. Leaning down I whispered in her ear, "we are here."_

_Lights finally turned on and I looked around. We were standing in the middle of a garden, beautiful flowers and trees planted all around us. There was a stone bench sitting right underneath an archway made of roses. I looked back at the girl who I was holding, "oh." I jumped in surprise._

"_Who did you think it was?" She smiled, her eyebrows raised questioningly. I then knew why we were in the garden in the middle of the night. I pulled her towards the stone bench and made her sit down._

"_Bella," I cleared my throat. "I love you. I love you so much that sometimes it actually causes me pain when we touch, knowing that you still aren't fully mine."_

"_I have always been yours." She smiled._

_I smiled back but continued. "As each day passes I find that I fall for you even more. You are my best friend, lover, and my soul mate. I want to start my life with you." I bent down on one knee and pulled out a ring from my pocket. "Isabella Marie Swan, will you marry me?"_

"Ah!" My shaking hands went straight to my face. I was drenched in sweat. I looked at the alarm clock and noticed that I would have to get up soon for school. I laid back down and closed my eyes, trying to figure out what this dream meant. I had been thinking about Bella, but marriage was the last thing I would be thinking about these days. The dream showed me something I was too afraid to deal with, but what? Marriage? I was very scared of marriage, especially since I had no woman in my life. Marriage isn't what was bothering me though. My stomach still felt weak. It was something that I had said. Something that was so painfully true, that even if my mind can deny it, my heart – my body, refused to.

My eyes snapped open. "Oh my God." I whispered. I have feelings for Bella. I have feelings for my best friend Bella Swan, and she has to know. Today would be the perfect day. We were going to go to the concert together, it would be the perfect time to tell her.

I got up, unable to lay still anymore, and went down to the kitchen. Jasper was already up drinking coffee.

"Why are you up?" I stumbled my way to the coffee maker.

"I have work because unlike some of us, mommy and daddy don't pay for everything. Why are you up?"

"School."

"You never take time off of school do you?" Jasper looked up from his paper. I ignored him, pouring coffee into a mug. "I'm sorry about the whole Bella thing. I told Alice you wouldn't like it, but when does Alice listen to me?"

I froze, for a second, the way he was staring at me seemed like he knew what I was thinking. I was being ridiculous, I just found out I had these feelings, how would Jasper know? "No that's ok. It was not a date or anything but I am glad they set it up. Bella and I haven't been able to hang out alone for a while, so it was fun catching up with her."

"Are you going to go on another date with her?" He looked up from his paper again.

Placing my coffee on the table I sat down, "for the last time it was not a date. I am going to that concert with her today but that is not a date either." It wasn't a date. I was going to tell her how I felt, but if she didn't consider it a date then neither did I.

"I think that when you have to dress up to go somewhere, with a beautiful girl, that is a date." Emmett stumbled his way to the fridge grabbing milk.

"Emmett, you barely ever dress up when you go on dates with Rosalie, unless she forces you," Jasper stated

Emmett let out a snort, "Rose and I are past the whole dating scene. We already know each other enough. When we go out its just us hanging, we are practically married so I don't really consider them dates."

Jasper let out a snort, "Don't tell my sister that, especially when she takes hours getting ready just to 'hang out' with you."

"When are you going to ask Rose to marry you, Emmett?" He had the ring for the past two months. He gave us a sly smile and walked out. He came back with a ring in his hand.

"I hid it at the bottom of my hamper, the last place Rose would look. I'm going to ask her tomorrow. Alice planned it all out for me." He sat down and continued to explain how he was going to ask Rose to marry him. Jasper then talked about how he was going to ask Alice soon.

"Wow, Bella needs to start looking for new roommates." Emmett finally answered. That was on all of our minds. What would Bella do once her friends moved out? What would I do?

I looked at my watch and saw that it was time to get to class. "I'll see you guys later. I need to go to class." I stood up, coffee in one hand and books in the other.

"After yours and Bella's date come to the bar. We are all going to be there." Emmett said, cornflakes flying out of his mouth.

I scowled at him and then walked out of the kitchen.

I got to class early, so I sat down and re read my paper, making sure there were no mistakes. From the corner of my eye I saw a girl with brown hair sitting next to me. I ignored her and continued to read, but when I looked up again she was staring at me. I noticed that I had never seen her in this class. "Are you new?" I asked, surprising the girl who probably thought I didn't notice her.

She had a beautiful smile. "Not really new. I had this class but at two. I got a new job and I work at three so I switched to the nine a.m. class. I'm Lucy," she stretched out her hand

I reached mine out gently shaking hers. "I'm Edward. It is nice to meet you." Dr. Michaels then came in and class started. For once class went by fast, as I would slightly turn and whisper a conversation with Lucy.

Class was soon over. "Wow that went by faster than I expected. I don't think I learned anything at all today," I smiled.

She let out a giggle. "Hey, do you want to go out to dinner today?" Her eyes were wide with hope.

"Sorry, I can't tonight. I am going to a concert with my friend. Maybe some other time?" She nodded and with that I left.

I got home and quickly ran to the shower. Lucy was a really cool girl. We had a lot of stuff in common, but not to the point where we were too much alike. She was sweet, easy to talk to and very funny. She was also beautiful, but my mind quickly forgot about her and returned to Bella.

I got out of the shower changed in to my tuxedo. I knew I had a couple more hours to pass, so I decided to work on the new paper that had been assigned to us.

When it was finally five o'clock I went to pick Bella up. I ran up the stairs to her apartment and went in. Alice and Jasper were sleeping on one couch while Rose and Emmett were cuddled together, intently watching The Fast and The Furious. Bella was sitting in an arm chair. She was wearing a knee-length black dress, her hair was down and flowing all around her shoulders – beautiful, just as she was yesterday.

She turned around when she heard me take a step. "No need to stay, they wont even notice you are here. Are you ready?" She asked getting up.

"Yeah," I whispered. She smiled at me and grabbed my hand. My hand was burning underneath her touch. Everything in my stomach felt like it was going to shoot straight out of my mouth, and I didn't know why I was feeling this way. I had held her hand before. I quickly let go of her hand when we neared the car, and I opened the door for her. She gave me a puzzled look, but still slid in the car.

The car ride to the concert was quiet. I constantly glanced at Bella who looked lost in thought. I didn't want to bother her. I was too nervous to speak anyways. I wanted to tell her, but telling someone in a car is not romantic.

The concert was also quiet. Bella and I did not say one word to each other while we sat there waiting for it to start. Once again I turned to tell her, but she was staring straight ahead. There was no trace of a smile on her face. She has to be happy when I tell her, so I turned back around and mimicked her position. Halfway through Bella leaned in and whispered that she thought the last song played was beautiful. Once again my stomach was at unease by the closeness of her. I didn't say anything in return.

I didn't think this day would get worse, but it did. The car ride back was quiet once again. I could tell that Bella wanted to talk but was afraid of saying anything due to my lack of attention to her. I quickly glanced at her and saw that there were tears in her eyes, her small hands clutching her bag. I gave her my crooked smile knowing she would like that – she did.

"So what's up Edward?" She asked trying to lighten up the mood.

"I met this great girl in class today and I am thinking of asking her out." I was surprised at what I had said. I did think Lucy was a great girl, but I was not planning on asking her out anytime soon. This was not how it was supposed to go! I was supposed to tell Bella that I had feelings for _her_.

"You really like her?" Bella pointed to the right letting me know I should turn.

"Yeah, I think I do." Once again I said something I wasn't expecting. I barely knew this girl. How can I like her? I knew now that there was no way I could tell her that I wanted her. She would probably think I was just using her or something.

Minutes passed and for the first time in years, there was an awkward silence between us. I couldn't understand why everything was so strange between Bella and me. We were the best of friends. All of a sudden Bella whispered "well that's great Edward." I just nodded unable to say anything back.

When we got to the bar Bella ran in without even bothering to wait for me. I went inside and Rose was already handing her a margarita. Emmett came up to me and gave me a beer.

"Whiskey," I mumbled. I was in a terrible mood and I wanted to forget everything. I wanted to forget about how I have been dying to tell Bella my feelings. I wanted to forget that I just told her I liked some other girl I barely knew. Mostly, I wanted to forget that I just hurt Bella.

"Dude you hate whiskey. Just take the beer." Emmett looked worried. I knew he knew something was wrong.

"Just get me a damn whiskey Emmett," I barked at him, loosening my bow tie. Jasper came over and handed me one. I walked over to the bar and dropped myself on to one of the stools. I looked over at the girls and they all had worried expressions, except for Bella. She was sitting down two stools away from me; her head in her right hand, facing the opposite direction. The back of her neck was red, and I knew she was angry at me. Probably wondering why all of a sudden her best friend was a jerk – I was wondering the same thing.

I turned away from them and chugged my drink down. "Are you ok?" Jasper asked placing a hand on my shoulder. I shrugged it off.

"I need another one," I stated shoving the empty glass into his hands. He shook his head but asked the bartender to get me another one, probably not wanting to start another argument with me.

After five glasses of whiskey I was now drunk. I was drunk, angry and all my friends tried to keep a distance from me by sitting on the other side of the bar, perfect.

"Edward, what the hell is wrong with you?" I cringed not wanting to talk to anyone. I turned around and saw Rosalie glaring at me. "Why are you behaving like a little child? You ignore Bella all day long even though you invited her to the concert, then you come here and demand to drink yourself stupid and you take out all your pent up anger on us. We didn't do anything. In case you forgot we are your friends, so why are you distancing yourself? What is wrong?"

"Rose, I just want to be alone," I slurred. She huffed and walked away. I turned around and continued drinking.

"Edward?" This voice soothed me. I turned back around to see Bella staring at me with expressionless eyes. I felt a jab at my heart knowing that the usually lively brown eyes were dead because of me. "I'm driving home with Alice and Rose, Emmett is going to drive your car home and Jasper will drive you back." I just stared at her beautiful lips move up and down and then in to a thin line.

She started to walk away when I grabbed her hand. I noticed the other four were staring at me again. "Why will nothing ever happen between us?"

She looked confused and scared. Great, now the only person I trusted with my life is scared of me, but I had to keep going. I was too angry to stop and ask for forgiveness. "What?" Her voice wavered.

"I mean why do you always have to bring up the fact that I am just a friend? I know that damn well Bella. Why do you feel like we can never be?" I asked through clenched teeth.

"Edward," Bella begged.

"Look me in the eyes and tell me you don't love me – that you don't want me," I demanded. What was I doing? I didn't want it to be like this.

"Edward, you are drunk," Bella cried.

"Just answer the question," I hissed back at her.

"We have always been friends. You are my best friend. I never looked at you that way and neither did you. You don't have feelings for me anyways so why are you asking? Do you?" Tears were now streaming down her face.

"No," I let go of her hand when I saw Emmett walking towards us. His brow was creased and his mouth was set in a frown.

"I don't care if you are my brother Edward. Tonight you proved to everyone how much of an ass you can be. I would beat you to a pulp right now, but I know that would just hurt Bella even more." He grabbed her and hugged her to his side with Rosalie and Alice trailing behind, both shooting daggers at me.

"Let's go home." Jasper grabbed my arm and dragged me out, not even bothering to look at me.

**Thank you sooo much for reading this!! This one is a pretty long one. I don't know when I will update 'cus I will be at my lakehouse for the rest of the week, and then BREAKING DAWN comes out so I'm sure everyone will be busy reading that D ..and then I have Stephenie's tour concert in Chicago. So..I will try to update before BD, but if I can't then it will probably be a week after it comes out. Everyone will be too busy reading it to look at this anyways...I know I will!!**


	9. Alone

**A/N: So I am still at my lakehouse, but I found a Starbucks that has Wi Fi so I was able to upload this on here! I'm sorry if there are any typos or anything. Enjoy!**

B POV

I woke up the next morning with Rose and Alice sleeping on my bed. I was confused as to what happened last night. That night that I was at the restaurant with Edward everything seemed fine. We were joking, laughing and he wasn't afraid to touch me. The fact that Edward was trying his best not to touch me brought a new wave of tears. Since when was he so afraid to hold my hand or hug me? It seemed like I disgusted him just by the mere touch of my hand. I thought back to the night to see if I did or said anything wrong, but there was nothing there. We barely even had a conversation. He was awkward the moment he stepped foot in the apartment last night.

I was angrier at myself, though. Why was I so upset? He was the one being a jerk, I should be angry. I shouldn't be laying here hoping he will call me sometime today. I shouldn't be getting emotional over this, but I can't do that. I am too attached to Edward. No matter what he did, I would be waiting in the wings with open arms.

I let out a groan when Alice kicked me, rolling over to give her more room. My mind quickly went back to Edward. I didn't mind if he liked another woman, but why was it so weird when he brought it? Then when we got to the bar he was even stranger. He barely ever drank and when he did it was just a beer. Did I really do something that drove him so over the edge; it would want him to forget that night? It wasn't even that bad of a night. He was acting weird, but it wasn't anything I did. Why would he be rude if it wasn't something I did then? And what was up with him getting angry with me at the bar?

When I was leaving his tight grip held onto my wrists, he refused to let go until I answered. I didn't look at my wrist; I knew there was a bruise there. Him asking me those questions so suddenly scared me. I couldn't grasp why he wanted to know why I didn't see him as anything but a friend. He even admitted he had no feelings for me, so why was it so important. I had never done anything out of the ordinary to have him question that. Maybe it was just some struggles he was having that had nothing to do with me, but since he was so drunk and I was the closest person to him, he took it out on me.

The thought that I was losing my best friend sent shivers down my spine. I couldn't lose him. I wasn't going to believe that anytime soon. He was the only one who knew everything about me. Sure, I had the guys, but my relationship with Edward was different. He was the only person I can tell anything to without the fear of being judged.

Alice, she always speaks he mind without thinking. Rose criticizes you when she needs to without caring about your feelings. Jasper will think you are depressed if you are just sad, or you have anger problems if you are the slightest bit of angry. Emmett takes everything as a joke, taking every opportunity he can to make fun of you. Even though I love my friends' qualities, Edward's was the best. He was always waiting there for me, patiently, always saying the right words to make me smile.

"Bella, you take up way too much space when you sleep," Alice mumbled.

I wiped the tears away before Alice can see, not wanting to deal with my friends questioning me about things I myself couldn't understand. "Well, this is my bed."

"Only reason we are sleeping here is because we heard you crying in your sleep. We didn't want you to be alone." I felt a lump appear in my throat. I was truly blessed to have friends like them.

"Thanks," I croaked.

"If you guys won't shut up, then please leave the room so I can get some more sleep." Rosalie took Alice's pillow and covered her head with it.

Alice giggled jumping off the bed; I slowly trudged my way out of my room. "Great, now I get kicked out of my own room," I whispered to no one in particular.

I went in the shower and turned the water on hot. Closing my eyes I allowed it to message my back, trying to clear my mind without much success. I quickly got out after I realized the more alone time I had to myself the more upset I would get. When I got out of the bathroom I saw Japer hugging Alice and Emmett walking to my room, probably to wake Rose up. My heart skipped a beat when I thought Edward was there.

Jasper looked over Alice's head at me, "He's not here Bells. He woke up but he had a major headache which he deserved. He told me to tell you some stuff, but I told him that if he wants to talk to you then he should tell you in person, and not make me his messenger. He tried to tell Emmett to tell you, but Emmett was still mad at him."

"Emmett shouldn't be mad at him. He was drunk; he didn't know what he was talking about." I defended him.

"We all saw what he did to you Bella; even before he got drunk he was acting like a jerk. He will come around though. Don't worry about it." Jasper walked over to me and put his long arms around me. "Alright so which one of you will make us breakfast?"

Alice and I both slapped his shoulder.

"Ok, bagels it is. I will be right back." He kissed Alice on his way out.

The day went by without Edward calling. It was very rare we would go a day without talking, but lately it had become a habit. I was sitting on the couch watching T.V with my phone on my lap, my fingers itching to dial his number. Twice I tried to call him, but everyone gave me the 'don't even think about it' look. How could they just sit there and not even care about what was going on with Edward? He was their best friend also. Everyone was carelessly laughing at the romantic comedy playing on the screen, but I was paying no attention – staring past the screen, deep in thought. Maybe I was being over dramatic. It was only one day. I sighed putting my phone on the coffee table. I would give him as much space as he needed. He saw me almost every day for the past sixteen years; he was bound to get tired of me sooner or later.

"Edward is a big boy, Bella. He can handle whatever he is going through right now," Emmett had told me. Maybe he was right, but deep down I knew Edward was going through something. He was too proud to come ask for help. Maybe he was suffering, waiting for one of us to come 

help him. I frowned when I knew Edward would come and ask me for help if he needed it. No matter how proud he was, he always came to me, but a lot of things had been changing lately – maybe this was one of them. He obviously didn't want me around at the moment.

The week ended and Edward still hadn't called. Emmett and Jasper told me not to worry, that he was always either cooped up in his room working on a paper or at school. They told me that they barely talked to him, but when they did Edward always ended their conversations by saying he had to go run some errands. I still couldn't understand why none of my friends weren't freaking out. Even Emmett, Edward's own brother, was not paying much attention to it. There was obviously something very wrong with him. I understood him not wanting to talk to me, but to his own roommates?

I finally decided to bring it up one day when Jasper and Emmett were over for dinner. "Ok, guys be honest, what is wrong with Edward?" I asked putting my fork down and looking at the two men sitting in front of me.

Jasper's blue eyes were full of annoyance after me asking so many times. "Bella, we already told you, nothing is wrong. He has been really busy with med school and is constantly writing papers."

My eyes narrowed, "so right now he is in his room writing a paper? Because if he is I will go over there right now. I need to talk to him anyways."

"Actually, this is the first time in days he went out for the evening. He was dressed nicely, but he said he was just hanging out with this one girl from class." Emmett said through a mouthful of mashed potatoes.

A girl from class…was it the same one he told me about? It probably was, my stomach tightened at that thought.

"Oh! That means he is on a date!" Alice jumped in her seat.

I felt a stab of pain in my chest. Edward always told me about his dates, he never kept anything secretive – especially around me. We knew everything about each other.

"Must be serious since he didn't mention it to any of us. He probably really likes this girl," Rosalie stated.

My eyes were starting to sting from the tears that I was holding back. It wasn't that I was jealous. I just felt betrayed. Betrayed because for almost two weeks my best friend has not said one word to me because he has been too busy with some other girl. I looked down at my plate and felt nauseous. I had to get out of here. I couldn't stand to be around all this conversation about Edward and his love life. I couldn't stand to think that while I have been sitting here thinking about him nonstop, feeling miserable, he was out there probably not even thinking twice about me.

I got up and ran to my room. I leaped on to my bed and pulled the covers over my head. I knew this was childish. Edward was twenty three years old. He can do whatever he wants and see whoever he wants. I just couldn't understand why he couldn't do that and talk to me at the same time.

"Bella, honey are you ok?" Alice cracked the door open.

"Yeah Alice, I just don't feel too good. I'm going to go to sleep." She shut the door knowing it was more than sleep I needed. I shut my eyes tight begging for unconsciousness to take over. As much as I needed the sleep, a fresh memory rolled in, making my heart break just a little more.

"_Hey, Edward? How old do you want to be when you get married?" I was sitting on Edward's bed, in his small one person dorm room, watching him type biology terms into his laptop._

_He rolled his chair towards me and propped his feet onto the bed, leaning back he put his hands behind his head. "I really don't know. I'm only twenty and I am way too busy with school to be worrying about what age I will be getting married at. What about you?"_

"_I don't know. Whenever I meet the love of my life, I guess. I just hope it is before I am thirty, I really want to have kids in my late twenties."_

"_Why?" _

"_Don't laugh," I looked up and he had a serious expression. "I always wanted to get Renee back, you know for leaving. One thing she was always completely against was getting married at a young age. She thought that was the biggest mistake anyone could ever make. My bed time stories consisted of girls who 'fell in love' and got married at a young age, and then got divorced. I guess she always felt like she was being held back from what she wanted to do, because of she got married young. Also, when I was a kid I always imagined having this handsome young husband, and beautiful little babies. I just imagined having a family young – I don't know."_

"_I don't think it's funny. I kind of imagined it that way before also, I guess because my mom and dad got married young, but I can't rush it if I haven't found the right one."_

_I thought about Carlisle and Esme's relationship. After all these years they were still madly in love. I was jealous of Edward for having that – a mom and dad that loved each other completely. They were always holding hands, kissing, hugging, and acting like newlyweds. They were also still so beautiful and young looking. _

_Carlisle was the doctor that every teenage girl and woman would try to get when they were in an emergency room, even if they were so close to death. His fair skin, blond hair and blue eyes made him look like he had just stepped out from a fashion magazine. Esme was the kind of woman every man in Forks wanted to have. She was always supporting her family, while handling a job as an interior designer, a very famous one at that. Her full brown hair and striking green eyes made every woman green with envy._

_I smiled at how Edward and Emmett were so different yet so like their parents. Edward had odd looking bronze hair, but his eyes were the mirror image of his mother's, and his skin was as smooth and pale as his father's. Emmett was big with black curly hair, but when he smiled he looked like a very young Carlisle, and when he was upset he looked like Esme. _

"_Sometimes I don't think love is for me," Edward bought me out of my day dream. _

_I looked up shocked. Why would he think love was not for him? He was the perfect best friend; I can only imagine how great of a husband he would be. A girl would pay just to hear Edward Cullen say he loves her. He saw my shocked expression and continued, "I mean, I do believe in love. I just don't think it is for me."_

"_Why would you think that?"_

"_I don't know, maybe I'm a robot," he smiled. "Maybe because I don't look twice at any of the girls that throw themselves at me."_

"_You don't give any girl the time of day. If you actually paid attention to one of them, maybe you would fall in love," I laughed._

"_I don't want to." He shrugged and rolled back to his computer. "Promise me that when you find the person you love, you will let me know."_

"_Why?"_

"_Because I need to make sure he is good for you. You need someone that is better than perfect. Only someone perfect will be aware of the fact that you can trip over air, you need to have someone there that will protect you from yourself, so he has to be good." _

"_Fine, but you need to do the same. If you ever think you are serious about a girl, you have to let me know."_

_He looked up from his laptop and gave me that breathtaking lopsided smile of his, "it's a promise."_

"_Do you think Emmett and Rosalie will get married?" Our friends had been dating for as long as I can remember._

"_Definitely, Emmett just needs to get the courage. He might seem all strong, but when we talk about marriage with him he freaks out." _

"_If Rose and Emmett get married then Jasper and Alice will for sure."_

"_Oh yea, of course," he agreed. "Jasper has been chasing Alice around since we were toddlers. I remember he would always try to freak her out when his mom would babysit her. He is really _

_serious about her. He gets anxious when he doesn't see her for one day. It is annoying sometimes, but it just shows how strong his love is for her." _

_I couldn't help but agree. Jasper and Alice's relationship was so different. They didn't feel the need to be so affectionate with each other. Jasper would just look into her eyes, and you could tell he was silently promising her the world. Everything they did was special. When they held hands it looked like they were agreeing to never let go of each other. Every time Alice smiled at Jasper, it was like she was showing him something so precious that no one else could see. And the few times they did kiss in public, I had to look away. Their passion was so strong, that it felt like I was spying in on something private. I wished I had someone like that._

"_Funny how everyone in the group is paired off except for us – I don't feel the need to," I added quickly._

"_It would be funny if we did end up getting married, that will never happen though, but we would never have to leave the group."_

"_Hilarious," I said dryly. Why was me and him ending up together so unfathomable?_

Edward had broken two promises. He had promised to never hurt me, and he promised to tell me when he was in a serious relationship. Hot tears rolled down my flushed cheeks. I furiously wiped them away with the back of my hands, but I was too slow for them.

My friendship with Edward was something that was never questioned. We were best friends, just like how Jasper and Alice were closer to each other than they were with the rest of us, or how Rose and Emmett can tell each other things that they couldn't tell anyone else. They were dating though, now engaged, so they were fine. Edward and I were bound to fall apart, it was just our friendship and memories that were holding us together.

The word engaged broke me out of my self pitying. I had to congratulate them! I jumped out of bed thinking how terrible of a friend I have been, not even paying attention to what was going on in their lives. I bet Alice was dying to tell me everything, but she was too afraid, thinking it would hurt even more to hear about their happiness.

"Congratulations!" I ran in to the living room, tripping over the rug and landing by Emmett's feet. He bent down and picked me up with one arm. They were all staring at me like I had lost my mind. I can only imagine how I looked – eyes puffy and red, tear stained cheeks, hair a mess, and smiling like a maniac. "On getting engaged!" I shouted towards Alice and Rose.

"Oh Bella! I wanted to tell you everything. Thank you!" Alice came over and gave me a hug followed by Rose. Emmett slapped my back while Jasper kissed me on the cheek.

"We didn't want to say anything, we know how you were upset," Rosalie was now holding my hand in both of hers.

"No, no I'm sorry. What kind of friend am – Rose that is your ring? It is huge!" The ring was about as big as a stone.

"Emmett only picks the best," she went over and sat on his lap.

"Only because his parents paid for it," Jasper mumbled.

"I personally love mine, Jazz." Alice shoved her hand in front of my face. It was cute, it was beautiful yet delicate.

"Yea that is beautiful Jasper, nice pick." I was mesmerized by the rainbow of colors it was throwing off in the light.

It then hit me, I was going to be alone. My four closest friends were getting married, and I would soon be alone. Tears started welling up in my eyes, I tried to make them stay, but they spilled over.

Alice grabbed my face with one hand while she wiped the tears away with the other. "We will always be here Bella. Don't think we are going to leave you."

I really wanted to believe that, but they wouldn't have time for me. They were going to get married, get their own houses, have babies, and I would be sitting in this small apartment all by myself. Alice knew I didn't believe what she said so she hugged me tightly.

"Please Bella, do not think like that – ever."


	10. Forgetting Isn't So Easy

E POV

I woke up in the morning with my brain pounding against my skull. I put a hand on each side of my head, as if that would stop my brain from leaping right out. I slowly realized that what I had just experienced was not a dream. If my drunken state was not a dream, then what I said to Bella last night was real. I moaned as the events of the night came crashing back.

I had so terribly wanted to tell Bella about my feelings for her. I couldn't do it because I kept on chickening out, and then I proceeded to tell her I was going to ask out some girl that I barely knew. I was mostly angry at myself, but to Bella it looked like it was something that she had said. I was so mad at myself that I decided to get wasted, and then I yelled at Bella because she has no feelings for me. Can I be even more pathetic? She probably doesn't want to talk to me, and to be honest, I am too ashamed to show up and ask for her forgiveness. The look in her eyes last night made my heart break, and I don't think I would be able to look into those eyes again, knowing that I did that.

My headache was making it hard to think straight, so I pushed myself off the bed, with one hand still on my head, in search of Advil. I was walking down the hallway when Emmett slammed the bathroom door shut. I cringed, the noise making my brain feel like it just shattered. I knew he was doing this on purpose. He was still mad at me, and I really couldn't blame him. To him, Bella was like his baby sister. I never saw her as a sister, but Emmett was a different story. He would always threaten boys who would try to hit on her, protect her from the evil things in the world. He did not like it when people hurt her – especially when it was someone she trusted.

I continued to walk when Jasper walked out of his room, carefully closing the door. At least he was thoughtful, he gave me a cold look – ok, maybe not.

"Headache Edward?" He sneered.

"Is there any Advil?" I tried to ignore the anger that was bubbling under Jasper's tone.

"No, we ran out. You can always go get some."

"I'll live," I mumbled.

"Let's go, I'm hungry and I bet Bella cooked something nice," Emmett reappeared from the bathroom, completely ignoring me. He stood there for a second longer and then walked downstairs.

"You are going to Bella's place?" I asked nonchalantly.

"Yeah, well Emmett is finally going to ask Rosalie the big question, so they are going out. Alice wants me to hang out with her and Bella – you see, Bella was in a pretty bad mood last night."

It felt like Jasper punched me in the stomach. I knew that Bella couldn't sleep at night when she had things on her mind. I also knew that I was the one person that she can really pour her heart 

out to; I was the one person who was able to help her fall asleep. I frowned at the fact that she probably had no sleep last night.

"Can you please just tell her I am sorry? Tell her I never meant to hurt her – that I love her more than anything and that she is the last person in this world that I would want to hurt. Please Jasper."

He gave me a weary look, "do you really think it is going to mean much coming from me? Look, I am not going to be your messenger. You have to be the man and tell her to her face. She isn't going to be ok until you say something to her."

"I can't," I looked at my feet, feeling useless.

"Well then, Edward that is your problem. I am not going to say anything. Anyways, how can't you tell her all that yourself? You guys do talk about everything. You are just as close as Alice and I are." It was quiet for a few seconds. "Do you want to come with Edward? I won't let Emmett give you a hard time."

I scowled, "Emmett is my brother, and I can handle him after living with him my whole life. No, I shouldn't go right now. My head hurts too much anyways; I should just sleep it off."

"I bet that is the only reason why you don't want to come with," Jasper said sarcastically. He left me to stand there alone.

"Good luck with Rose, Emmett," I shouted. I knew he was angry with me, but he was my brother and him asking Rosalie to marry him was big – very big.

"I don't need luck little bro. I know her answer will be a definite yes. Anyways, why don't you for once in your life man up and talk to her," he shouted back. I didn't answer and then they left. I exhaled loudly and went down to the living room. I plopped myself on the couch, my head in my hands.

What was I going to do? I just didn't have the heart to go back there, but what if she was waiting for me? No, if Bella wanted an answer she would come to me. She was never patient enough to wait for someone to come to her. Maybe she needed space. Maybe she needed time away from me. Maybe…I needed time away from her too.

Thinking about not talking to Bella just made my head hurt even more. There was never a day that went by where I wouldn't talk to her. How can I just stop cold turkey? I ran my hand through my hair, frustrated with myself. This would have been different if I was honest. When she asked me at the bar if I had feelings for her I had said no. I was too scared of the rejection. I thought that if she said she had no feelings for me and I said the feeling was mutual, it would not hurt as much, but it was killing me. If I said I loved her, would she change her mind? Would she come to her senses and tell me she loved me back? No, Bella has had all these years to realize she loved me, and she still doesn't, so that means she never will. But…I had just recently acquired these feelings for her. Maybe I didn't really have feelings for her. What if I thought I 

did because the idea of me and her together was comfortable? We knew each other inside and out, we were best friends, we were both attractive people. If we ended up together we would end up being content, but I didn't want to be just content – and I wouldn't want that for Bella either. I was going to forget about my feelings for Bella Swan. If not for my happiness, then for hers. I got up and headed to the shower.

I was leaning back in my chair, my eyes closed, waiting for my professor to start talking. I felt a warm hand on my forehead. I looked up to Lucy smiling down at me.

"You ok? You look pretty sick," She took her seat next to me.

"Yea just a headache," I wasn't in the mood to talk. I hoped that Lucy didn't take it the wrong way. I don't think I could have more than one girl angry with me.

Class dragged and I thought it would never end, but finally Mr. Michaels was done speaking. I quickly got out of my seat, wanting to get home as soon as possible.

"So when is our little dinner date?" Lucy stood up at the same time I did.

"You know what, you were right about me not feeling well. I got pretty wasted last night and some stuff happened. I really need to sleep it off and I have a ton of work to do, how about sometime next week?" She looked kind of upset, but she still smiled.

Days passed and I still hadn't talked to Bella. Sometimes, in the middle of the night, I would get out of bed ready to go talk to her, but then I would realize how late it was. I constantly thought about her, wondering if she was thinking about me as much as I was thinking about her.

"Why are you doing this to yourself?" Jasper had asked one night. He was going out to the movies with Bella and Alice, and I was in the living room watching TV. I looked up annoyed by his constant pestering.

"Look mom, I can handle this on my own. I just need space, and so does she."

"Bella doesn't need space – she needs you. I hope you realize that before it is too late."

"If she needs me she could call me." I was not going to give in.

"Have you not realized yet that you two are the most stubborn people alive? She isn't going to call you and you aren't going to call her. I swear, I do not see how you guys are not together yet. You two are meant for each other."

I did not want to talk about Bella and I not talking and I definitely did not want to talk about us together. "I have a paper to write. Have fun at the movies," I made my way up the stairs.

"Keep running away from your problems Edward," Jasper whispered.

I knew he was right, but what was I supposed to do? I couldn't be around Bella. It physically hurt me to touch her, and I can't tell her I love her. Telling her that would just tear us up even more.

Weeks went by and I still hadn't talked to Bella. I didn't count the days by numbers anymore, I just counted them as another day I hadn't seen my best friend. I smiled when Lucy walked into the room. I didn't know why I was doing this – I didn't want to do this, but maybe it would help me out.

I stood up and pulled her chair for her, "Hey Lucy!"

"Wow, someone is being the gentleman," she laughed.

I sat back down in my chair and turned towards her. "I was thinking, remember that dinner date we were supposed to have a while ago? Are you still up for it?"

"I finally get to go on a date with The Edward Cullen?"

"I'm not that great. You might actually find me boring and never want to speak to me ever again," I joked.

"I doubt that, what time?"

"Is seven o'clock ok with you?" She nodded and wrote her address down. I couldn't stop smiling throughout class. This might actually work. I always stopped thinking about Bella when I talked to Lucy. Maybe she is my answer. I felt guilty for using her but convinced myself I really wasn't. She was a great girl: beautiful, funny, sophisticated, charming, why wouldn't I want to go on a date with her?

I was dressed and ready to go pick Lucy up when Emmett's big hand stopped me. "Are you coming to dinner with us at the girls' place? Are you finally going to be human and say you are sorry?"

Jasper popped out of the kitchen, surprised from what he just heard. "Really, Edward? That's great! Bella has been down lately too, almost as non human as you have been. You are really going to cheer her up by showing up, and Alice will be happy too. You know she misses you, since she refused to see you because you have been ignoring Bella. Don't be too hard on her though, she is just doing what's best for Bella, but don't think it is Bella's idea. She didn't want them to ignore you. She was actually encouraging them to talk to you."

This was the most Jasper had said to me in weeks. I had to stop him before he killed himself from lack of breathing. "I'm…not…going with you guys."

"Why would we take two cars? That's just a waste, besides there are barely any parking spots available down there. Or do you want to walk? I think walking is a good idea." Emmett obviously did not get what I was trying to say.

"Emmett, I think he means he isn't going to see Bella at all," Jasper glared at me.

"I'm going on a date with a girl from class. Actually it's not even a date; we are just going out to eat."

Emmett stared at me open mouthed, shook his head, and left.

"At least you are finally going out," Jasper shrugged as he walked out of the house.

Lucy and I were sitting at the Metropolitan Grill – not a great idea. It reminded me of when me and Bella went on our little 'date.' I kept on glancing at the table we sat at when we had been tricked by our friends, thinking that Bella might be sitting there. It was awkward in the beginning because of me being uncomfortable, but once Lucy started to talk I was fine – except I fell into another one of my memories, even though I was so desperately trying not to.

_We were lying under the stars on a big checkered blanket in my backyard. We were impatiently waiting for the comet that Alice said would appear soon._

"_Emmett lets go inside. I am sick of being attacked by these bugs," Rosalie whined._

"_Alright, fine. I'm sure you and I hanging out in my room will be better than this," he quickly winked and Jasper and me. Rosalie saw that and smacked him._

"_Guys don't go. They say when you see a comet; there is an angel among us. Don't you want to experience that?!" Alice tried pulling Rose down._

"_Where did you hear that? And, do we actually see this angel, feel it around us, or do we just assume it is there?" _

"_I don't know but we should wait and see," Alice was pointing to her watch, letting us know it was almost time._

"_I'd rather not," Rose and Emmett walked back to the house, hand in hand._

"_This is the last summer before we all go to college and they don't even want to spend it with us," Alice whined._

"_We are all going to the University of Seattle," Jasper stated._

_She shot him a dark look, "fine let's go to my house, and these bugs are annoying."_

"_Do you want to leave?" I had one arm around Bella. She shook her head, still looking up at the stars._

"_Oh look Edward, a shooting star!" She pointed in the direction of the star. "Hurry up and make a wish." She squeezed her eyes shut, her lips turned up into a smile._

_I rolled my eyes, but did the same thing. I wish…I looked at Bella, her eyes still closed. I wish that we will always be like this, that nothing changes between us. I looked back at Bella and she now looked relaxed, she fell asleep. I chuckled, pulling her closer to me._

_My eyes were starting to droop when I saw an amazing red light streak across the black sky. I gasped; the comet was worth waiting for._

"_Bella," I whispered, trying to wake her up, but then I paused. Alice had said that when you see a comet; there is an angel. I looked around feeling silly looking for something I knew wouldn't be there. I held my breath trying to concentrate on my sense of touch, waiting to see if I would feel anything near me, I felt breathing on my neck. I looked down again, Bella was heavily breathing against my neck, and her lips were mere inches away from my skin. She looked gorgeous. Her long, dark hair was fanned out above her hair, making it look like she had a halo. Her skin glowed in the moonlight, like she was some type of mythical creature. Her lips were parted, she was smiling, they were so inviting. When you see a comet; there is an angel around. I shivered, Bella was the angel, and she was my angel._

_Her eyes opened up and she squinted at me, "what? Was I drooling?" _

_I shook my head to clear my thoughts, "no, I was trying to wake you. I saw the comet."_

"_Did you see an angel?" She mocked interest._

"_I think I did." _

I forced myself out of the memory. I couldn't be thinking about her. The whole point of this date was to forget about Bella. After my little slip up, the date went by smoothly. We were laughing and joking around all the way back to Lucy's house.

"Do you want to come up?" She asked poking her head through the open window.

"No, I really shouldn't. I should go get some sleep. How about we go on another date tomorrow?"

"Perfect," she smiled.

I was really starting to like Lucy, she was starting to fill up my thoughts, and Bella was slowly disappearing from them.

Three months went by, and Alice had had enough. She came over to my place and burst into my room. I looked up from my lap top.

"You," she pointed at me. "You are coming over right now. I am getting married in one week and my two closest friends are not talking to each other. The best man and the maid of honor are not talking to each other! This is ridiculous. We are going to set this straight right now." I tried to hold down a smile; Alice looked so out of it.

"Don't you dare laugh at me," She barked. "I have been going crazy with flowers, shoes, dresses, food, and I do not need you two to act like immature little teenagers. Let's go." I was shocked, Alice, my tiny cheerful friend, was pissed. "Stop staring at me, let's go!"

Bella and I were forced to sit in silence while Alice yelled at us for a while. We started talking again, but it wasn't the same. She was too afraid to even look at me. We didn't even know what to talk about, after a couple of minutes of awkward silence I had decided to leave. I never wanted it to be this way, but it now was. We were both so afraid of each other. I knew it would never be the same between us. Dancing with her at Alice's wedding, having to hold her close, that is going to be tough.


	11. Stay With Me

Two weeks had gone by too soon. I was quiet for most of the day, unable to eat or speak. Jasper and Alice had gotten their pictures from their honeymoon developed, and they were passing them around, telling a story that went with each picture. Everyone's bags were all over the floor except for mine. They were all going to leave soon to go to a ski resort with Jasper and Rosalie's parents. Today is also the day that Edward is going to ask Lucy to marry him. I had resisted telling him about my feelings – not like I saw him much, but the times I did, I so badly wanted to just tell him. I couldn't though, I was too afraid. Too afraid of the rejection and the pain that would come along with it. I had been staring at a picture of Jasper and Alice in front of a volcano for ten minutes when Rose took notice.

"You sure you don't want to come with, Bella? My mom and dad have been wanting to talk you for ages. They were pretty upset when they didn't get a chance to actually talk at the wedding. They miss you." She came and sat down next to me, holding me in her arms.

"I can't, I have to tell him today. I have to tell him before it is too late." I whispered.

"Being engaged isn't set in stone, you can tell him afterwards," Alice was putting all the pictures back in their packages.

"No, these past two weeks have been hell. I can't stand to wait another couple of days."

"Well, then we better go guys. I want to get to the resort before it gets dark," Jasper checked his watch.

"Why are you guys leaving now? Please don't go. Stay until he comes," I begged.

"Bells, I love you and everything, but I don't want to watch you two going at it once you tell him," Emmett laughed. I groaned, why did Emmett have to make everything funny?

"Tell him we said good luck, if he does decide to ask her," Alice bent down and picked up her bag full of shoes.

"Sweetie, why do you need all those shoes?" Jasper asked nicely.

"I have ugly boots for when we go in the snow, leather boots for when we just go outside, gym shoes just in case, and nice heels for dinner."

"Alice, you stopped wearing gym shoes once we graduated high school. Remember that one time where you tried to make a deal with Mr. Robinson about having to wear gym shoes for class? If he let you wear nice flats, you would decorate his office." She stuck her tongue out at me.

They were suddenly all by the door. Why was everything going in fast forward all of a sudden?

"Do you guys have to go now?" I was clutching the door knob, as if Emmett wasn't strong enough to push me away.

"This is between you two. It is something intimate, and as much as Alice would love to be a part of it, we can't. Good luck Bella." Jasper bent down and gave me a quick kiss on the cheek.

"You know what? Lucy is a little too nice and annoying. Please change my blind brother's mind." Emmett crushed me to his side with one arm.

I looked over to Alice who had tears in her eyes. "This is just so beautiful. He was the only real guy in your life," she glanced at Emmett and Jasper who were giving her dirty looks, "…real guy that you never saw as a brother. Oh for God's sake he was your first and only kiss!"

"What?!" Jasper and Emmett shouted at the same time.

"I…I never felt the need to kiss anyone else. Anyways you guys shouldn't be talking, Alice you have only kissed Jasper and Rose you have only kissed Emmett," I said through clenched teeth.

"Yeah, but that was because we were together. You are not with Edward…yet, and you have only kissed him?" Emmett continued to chuckle.

"They were bound to find out," Alice stood on her toes to kiss me on the cheek. My face was already hot. I was going to get Alice back; I quickly started thinking of things that Jasper didn't know about – nothing, he knew everything.

"I always knew you would come to your senses. Just tell him whatever you have been saying in your sleep these past two weeks. It is the truth, and it comes straight from your heart," Rosalie gave me a hug and then they were all out of the door, wishing me good luck as they went down the stairs.

I shut the door when I couldn't hear anything anymore and leaned my forehead against it. This was going to be tough. I couldn't even think about what I was going to say. When I had told him to come over before he went to the restaurant, he had sounded really worried. He thought something was wrong, God, if he only knew how right it was. What if this went all wrong? What if he doesn't love me? Well, that would be embarassing. I didn't have that much time to think because just then there was a knock on the door causing me to jump. I tried to stop my hands from shaking, but I had no luck. Taking a deep breath I opened the door.

Edward was on the other side smiling at me. For once he had combed his hair back, but there were still some stubborn pieces that hung in his face. He was wearing a black suit with a plain black tie. I was shaking from head to toe, he eyed me curiously.

"Hey," he broke the silence.

"Hey," I sighed. I waved for him to come inside. He took a couple of steps forward, but stayed in the hallway. He looked like he was looking for something.

"Where is everyone?"

"They had to leave to go to the resort. Jasper wanted to get there before sunset."

"The place isn't far, though."

"I know, they left about ten minutes ago, and the sun will set in about an hour," I smiled up at him. "They wished you good luck. Are you nervous?"

"More than anything," he leaned against the wall. "How come you didn't go with them?" He looked like a supermodel posing for a fashion magazine. My heart started to ache.

"I had other things on my mind," I started playing with the sleeve of my shirt.

"Oh, really? What's going on? I know I should have been there for you these past couple of weeks Bells, and I am sorry. It's just that I have been so busy with school and Lucy."

"Right, Lucy." I cut in. I sounded bitter, but that was something I couldn't control. I wanted to tell him, I knew now was the perfect time. I opened my mouth but no words came out. He looked at the clock that was nailed over my head.

"Oh damn, I need to go pick her up, we have to be at the restaurant in thirty minutes," he pushed himself off the wall. "How do I look?"

I took a deep, unsteady breath, "Perfect."

"Good," he reached out for the doorknob.

It was now or never. I would regret this for the rest of my life if I didn't do this. For those couple of seconds, time seemed to stand still, my head cleared, and I knew exactly what I needed to say. "Edward, don't go." My whisper sounded like it echoed in the quiet. I held my breath. Turn around, please just turn around and tell me you will stay, I thought to myself.

He turned around, "I have to. I am going to be late."

"It's ok." Why couldn't I just tell him what I was thinking?!

"No Bella, really, I have this all planned out with the waiter. We have to be there on time."

I took another deep breath, "stay with me Edward." He was about to speak but I knew that I would never be able to talk again if he denied me. I had to get it all out there before he said anything else. "Ever since I was younger I have felt this pull towards you. The day I first talked to you was not just a coincidence. There were a lot of boys that were by themselves. I was always shy, Edward. It was fate that for some reason something in me told me to go talk to that 

strange looking boy who kept on looking in my direction." I paused, wiping the tears that were falling down. Edward looked like he wanted to take a step toward me, but he hesitated.

That was not all I wanted to say, I had to finish. "As we grew older, I never felt the need to have a boyfriend because I saw you as the only man in my life. What I had with you was so different compared to what I had with Jasper and Emmett. I never saw you as a brother. I saw you as a friend, protector, partner – never a brother. Deep down inside, I saw you as my soul mate too. You were always there for me. When I had to do something tough, you held my hand and experienced it with me. When I was sad, you opened your arms and allowed me to cry on your shoulder, no matter what time of day it was. When I was happy, you were truly happy for me.

"I know I am not in your league. I know that you are beautiful and I am plain. I know you are interesting and I am boring, but I think we would be great together. I think we would be better than great. Because Edward, what I lack you have, and what you lack, I have. We are perfect for each other. We are like two pieces of a puzzle that just fit. I realized that I have always loved you – from the very beginning. I just always made myself believe that I didn't.

"It wasn't until Alice and Jasper's wedding that I realized it. I remembered that one time we went out to eat on Valentines Day, and that couple told us we were beautiful together. I remember when I had looked into your eyes; I never wanted to look away. I remember feeling something that I had never felt before, but I ignored it because I was so scared. I remember the look in your eyes, there were burning holes in me, Edward, and I think for that moment you wanted me too. I think that maybe you have been hiding your feelings too.

"Edward," I took another deep breath. I had to finish soon or I would be incoherent from all the crying. "I love you. Stay with me. Pick me. Ask me for your hand in marriage. I can make you happier than she can. I promise you I will try my best to make you happy every single day. I love you." I couldn't speak anymore. I felt emotionally drained. His face was whiter than usual; he looked like he felt pity for me.

He exhaled, "Bella."

Rejection washed over me. I had convinced myself it would go so well. "No…" I whispered, afraid of what he was going to say next.

"I'm so sorry." He was biting his lip. Even now when I felt like my heart was being ripped out, he looked beautiful. "I have to go, she is waiting for me."

I was gasping now; it felt like there wasn't enough air in the world to fill me up. "I have been waiting for you."

He took a step forward, but then shook his head. "I am so sorry Bells. I don't deserve this, I don't deserve you. _You _are the one who is too perfect for me."

I stared back at him, my eyes full of love, my heart begging for his and my arms aching for his touch. I gave up. Right when he had said my name I had given up. I knew now that I never did 

stand a chance. "If that is what makes you happy," I surrendered. He turned away from me and quietly shut the door. I fell to my knees. He was going to ask her to marry him. He is going to make some woman happy while he just tore my heart apart. I knew it was my fault. I figured it all out late.

I don't know how long I was lying on the floor, maybe it was minutes or hours. I really wasn't paying attention. I just kept on repeating the words I had said. I poured my heart out to him and he did not react to it at all. He didn't even look surprised. After all these years of friendship, how can he not be surprised when his best friend tells him she loves him?

After the seventh time I repeated the conversation in my head, the phone started to ring. The person hung up before the machine started. This kept on going on when finally the caller waited for the machine.

"Hey this is Bella and Rosalie. We are sorry we can't get to the phone right now. Leave a message and we will get back to you."

Edward's silky smooth voice rang through my ears, causing the tears to start over again. "Bella…if you are there please pick up. I just want to know if you are ok. Please call me back. I think we should talk about this. I really didn't mean to hurt you. You really are too good for me. I'm sorry," His voice broke at the end.

As soon as Edward hung up, the phone rang again. It was Alice on the machine this time. "Oh, Bella. I am so sorry. Edward called us and told us what happened. We are going to come back. We told Mr. and Mrs. Hale that we all got food poisoning from eating at a restaurant, so we are on our way. Do not go anywhere. Do not move. We will be there in an hour."

Not only did I ruin Edward's day, but I also ruined my other friends' weekend. I tried to get up, so I can go to my room, but when I stood it felt like my whole body was going to shatter to pieces. I let out a groan as I laid back down on the cold hard floor. At least I was able to keep Alice's order of not moving.

I stayed that way for the remainder of the time. My legs crumpled beneath my body, my cheek on the floor, facing the door. I don't know what I was expecting. A part of me was wishing that Edward would walk through that door and tell me he was joking – that he needed me just as much as I needed him. Another part of me thought that if I stared at the door long enough, today's earlier events would be erased.

I heard noises outside and then the door finally burst open. Alice hurled herself towards me, grabbing my head and putting it against her body. "Bella, I am so sorry. I didn't know he was this stupid and stubborn." I looked at her and her eyes were smoldering with sincerity. The others were all standing around me, afraid I would blow up soon like a ticking time bomb.

"I'm fine guys, really." My voice sounded hoarse and forced. Emmett picked me up and walked towards the couch, gently putting me on it. He sat next to me with Rose on my other side. Alice was sitting by my feet pulling Jasper down with her.

"I'm sorry, I can't believe he picked her," Emmett reached for my hand.

I shrugged, "I will live. I told you guys, he can't control who he loves."

"You don't have to act brave for us, Bella. It's ok, you can cry." Jasper gently patted my knee. That's all it took, I started bawling. I couldn't stop myself no matter how hard I tried.

"I told him everything guys! He didn't even care. He just said he was going to be late and he left. He is now engaged. Why did I even fall in love with him? He probably hates me for doing this."

"No, if one thing is true, it's that Edward cares about you deeply," Rose grabbed my chin and made me look up at her. "Bella, he really does love you. Even if he doesn't know it. Even if he won't figure it out for another five years. He does love you, though."

I jerked away from her. "How is that going to help, Rose? Five years from now he will be married, probably have a couple of kids. He is going to leave them for me? You think I would accept that? Let him hurt his whole family just for my happiness. I'm not a home wrecker."

None of them knew what to say to that. They knew I was right. What would it matter if Edward did find out he loved me? It would be too late.

Emmett's cell phone started to ring. "What do you want Edward?" He growled. I flinched, I was tearing everyone apart. Emmett was angry at his own brother for not loving me. "No, we came back. I'm not coming home tonight. I think I will spend the weekend here with Rose." He frowned, "I don't know what you consider fine, Edward. Fine can mean she will survive even though you broke her heart, or it can mean she is in the worst condition possible." He exhaled, now annoyed, "Yes, ok she's doing well."

Emmett pointed the cell phone towards me asking if I wanted to talk. I shook my head, I didn't have the guts or strength to talk about this anymore. "She doesn't want to talk right now…what do you want me to do Edward, force her to talk? No, I'm not going to ask you…because that isn't what is most important to me at the moment…you might be my brother, but Bella is just as much my sister. Yeah ok…bye."

"Oh what, now he wants to talk?" Rosalie scowled.

Emmett nodded, "he said that he was running late and that he couldn't stay to talk. Then he wanted to know if Bella was fine. That idiot told asked me if I was going to ask him how it went and when I said no he got all prissy."

"Good," she leaned over me and gave him a kiss on the cheek.

"So he did ask her," I was holding on to Rosalie and Emmett with all my strength. Emmett nodded again.

"Bells…" Alice whispered.

"No, guys don't worry about me." I reached up and wiped the tears off my face. "I am happy as long as he is happy. I mean, isn't that how love works? You should be happy for the person you love, and I am." I knew I was lying to myself. I did want Edward to be happy, I just wanted him to be happy with me.

**Ok here you go! I know Edward is being annoying at the moment, sorry for that lol. I will try to update as soon as possible. It has been so hard writing ever since I finished Breaking Dawn. I am having post Twilight depression lol **


	12. Leaving It All Behind

E POV

I was sitting in the musty stairwell trying to catch my breath

I was sitting in the musty stairwell trying to catch my breath. Bella, My Bella just told me she loves me. She told me she loves me on the day that I was going to confess my love to another woman. Why was she doing this to me? She had all the time in the world to tell me when _I _wanted her to tell me. I used to dream about her telling me this, but that's just it, I _used_ to want that. I met someone, I fell in love. I am not in love with Bella anymore. I probably never was.

It could have always been a delusion. I thought I was in love with her because she was the only real girl in my life. All our friends were paired off except for us. We were always together, just the two of us. When the others were together on dates, we would hang out together. I made myself think that I loved her because I thought that is how it should but, that is, until I met Lucy. Yes, that is what it probably was.

I went back to thinking what happened just minutes ago. My stomach churned, remembering the way she looked at me. When I first walked in, she was glowing. When I left…her eyes were dead. She had given up. I wanted to be angry at myself for just walking out, for turning her down, but I knew it wasn't my fault. I hadn't actually talked to her for weeks. I hadn't done anything to lead her on. I was actually acting like a jerk, so why did she all of a sudden feel the need to love me? Maybe it was because we were so close and since I was about to ask Lucy to marry me, she was afraid she was going to lose me forever.

We were already losing each other. We lost that connection at the bar months ago. Once again, my fault. The day when I was too stupid to admit I had feelings for her, but if I did, I would never be with Lucy- the woman that I really love.

Bella said she was always in love with me. She never acted any different. I am sure she did not fall in love with me in the early years of our friendship. She always acted the same, ever since we met. We would hold hands just for the hell of it, we would kiss each other goodbye, and we would cuddle when we watched a movie. It was never anything romantic.

Memories flashed through my mind like a movie, trying to find one where she acted different, one memory that would tell me everything for Bella had changed, even if it was subconscious. I groaned when I came to a stop in front of one memory I hadn't looked back on in years. One memory that I never felt comfortable looking back on, maybe because I knew what she was feeling and I myself was trying to deny it. I closed my eyes and let the memory flood my mind, wash over me.

_The smell burned my nose. It smelled like floor cleaner mixed with medicine. I felt something poking into the back of my hand – most likely a needle. I was about to pull it off when someone grabbed my hand._

"_Do you want to hurt yourself some more?" Bella was standing over me. She had an old tattered book in her left hand and my left hand in her right. Her long hair was put back in a messy ponytail and her clothes were wrinkled. There were dark circles underneath her eyes. I frowned. Why did she look tired and why was I in a room that was not mine?_

_She started to breathe faster and her voice got higher, "oh God, do you remember what happened? Do you remember me? Do you remember your name? Oh my God, Edward, I think you have amnesia!"_

_I laughed. I suddenly remembered everything that happened. I was on a tree trying to get a birds egg, it was over my head. I tried to jump a little so I can reach it. When I jumped, I lost my footing and I slipped, I fell. "Calm down, Bella. I remember everything."_

"_You are honestly the biggest idiot I have ever met. Why the hell were you up on a tree? You are seventeen years old. What seventeen year old does that? Oh, don't answer that. The answer is, an idiot like you." She looked relieved but was trying to hide it by being angry with me._

_I couldn't help but smile. She looked so cute when she was trying to be angry. Her eye brows furrowed in annoyance, wondering why I was smiling. "I'm fine. My head hurts a little though."_

"_That is because when you fell you hit your head. I was going out to the bookstore when I saw you laying flat on your back on the ground with your head split open. Your right leg was in the really awkward position, and you wouldn't wake up no matter how many times I slapped you. I screamed and Carlisle finally heard and he came and took you to the hospital."_

"_I broke my leg too?" No wonder I couldn't feel it._

_A little smile appeared on her face. "Yup." Why was she smiling like that? I pulled down the cover and saw a big cast enveloping my leg. My eye brows shot up. Bella burst into a fit of giggles. _

"_Pink?"_

"_Carlisle told me I could choose what color you would like. He told me to pick one you can live with since you will be wearing it for two months."_

"_You went with pink?"_

"_I helped you out! Your parents were going to ground you but they said living with a pink cast for two months is bad enough."_

_Bella was a smart girl, but she honestly had no common sense sometimes. "Well, either way I would be stuck at home. Where do you think I could go with a broken leg? I'd rather be grounded than be stuck at home with a pink cast, giving Emmett every reason to make fun of me."_

"_Emmett helped me out. He said if I gave you a pink cast then he would help me get away from Rose and Alice when they wanted to take me shopping." She started laughing again._

"_You are so evil, you know that?"_

"_If you were grounded you wouldn't be able to see me," she answered innocently._

"_You could have just pretended you were there to visit Emmett," I mumbled. _

_Her face was serious again. She sat back down in the chair she was sitting in before I woke up and held my hand again. "You know I was really worried about you. Why did you go up that tree?"_

_I really didn't want to tell her. She would blame herself if I told her the real reason. Maybe she would appreciate it for a second, but then she would freak out about how the mom would not take care of the egg anymore because it was touched by a human. I wasn't in the mood to have her yell at me some more, but knowing Bella, she would just keep asking until I told her._

"_A couple days ago I was looking out the window and I saw a birds nest in the tree. The eggs were this really cool yellow and blue color. I couldn't see it that well from my room. I thought it would be cool to go up into the tree and grab one of them, you know, to show you. I thought you would appreciate it." _

_I looked up and she was looking down at our entwined hands. She was blushing. I was confused, why was she blushing. I didn't say anything to embarrass her and it wasn't hot. I touched her cheek and it was burning from all the blood that was up there._

"_Hey, it's ok. Don't start the waterworks. I was climbing up there for myself, also. I really wanted to see one up close." I didn't know if she felt gratitude or she was mad that I risked my health for her, but I wasn't about to let her cry._

"_No, it's not that…it's just…" She looked up at me. I couldn't help but gasp. Her eyes were so different. They looked like they were melting, not like they were being covered in tears, but like chocolate, melting chocolate, and I felt like the fire that was melting them. I couldn't look away. I was so intrigued by them. I felt my hands getting sweaty. What was she doing to me?_

_She suddenly stood up. "I...I have to go. Carlisle said you are going to come home tonight. Call me and I will come over," she stuttered. She turned and took one step away from me, dragging me along with her._

"_Uh, Bella," she turned around. I nodded towards our hands. _

_Her rosy blush returned, "sorry." She slowly let go of my hand. Why was she acting so weird? I wanted to ask her, but I had a feeling that if I did I would get no answer. She turned around again._

"_Hey, wait a minute! Where is my kiss? Did our friendship end after I hit my head? Do you not want me anymore because I am damaged goods?" I joked tapping my cheek._

_She looked torn. Her body was swaying, one second towards the door then the next towards me. "I really have to go, Edward. I will see you later."_

Oh God, how did she not realize she felt something that day? I even felt something! I ignored it though because I didn't think she thought much of it. My hands ran through my hair and rested at the top of my skull. Her eyes were the most interesting thing I had ever seen. She always talked about how nice my green eyes were, but compared to hers, they were nothing special. Hers were always a mystery to me – and not only that one day at the hospital. If she asked me that day to love her, to be with her for eternity, I would accept it. Actually, I would do better than that, I would embrace it. I would be the happiest person that day. I was so lost in her eyes that I would have easily given her the world if she just asked me.

No, I need to stop thinking about that. I would have, but I won't anymore. I am not in love with Bella. It is Lucy that I am in love with. Still, a part of me still belonged to Bella. We had such a long friendship. I couldn't stop caring about her.

I pulled out my cell phone and called her. I just had to make sure she was ok. Once I knew she was, I would leave her alone. Never bother her again, never hurt her again, if that is what she wants. I called about ten times but she never answered. Fine, she wouldn't answer my calls, but I am sure she would answer Alice's.

"Hey Edward, you have some good news for us?" Alice laughed.

"Can you call Bella? I don't think she is feeling well," I didn't feel like pretending everything was fine.

"Why? Did you go visit her? Because if you did you would know that it is not bad news at all."

"I did visit her. It didn't work out the way she wanted and now she isn't answering my calls."

"Oh no," she whispered.

"Did Bella tell him, or did she freak him out by hyperventilating and then fainting?" Rosalie asked.

"She told me, she told me everything and I turned her down. I had to leave because I was going to be late. Now she won't answer my calls. Can you please call her?" Alice repeated what I just said to everyone in the car. I heard some angry whispers.

"You are so stupid."

"Thanks, Alice. That really makes me feel better."

"I am not trying to make you feel better. I am just saying the truth."

I was starting to get irritated. My fingernails from my free hand dug deeper into my skull. Good, maybe I did deserve this pain. Maybe it wasn't half of what Bella was feeling. "What did you expect me to do? Just drop everything good in my life and skip off into the sunset with her?"

"She is everything good in your life!" Alice shouted. That was true, or it used to be. She was everything I needed, but that was before I let go of my past and decided to make a future for myself.

"Please just call her, for me." I hung up before she said anything else. I knew they were not going to call me back anymore so I flipped open my phone again and dialed Bella's number. The machine picked up.

"Bella…if you are there please pick up. I just want to know if you are ok. Please call me back. I think we should talk about this. I really didn't mean to hurt you. You really are too good for me. I'm sorry," I didn't know what else to say. I didn't know what I could say to make her feel better, so I just hung up.

I looked at my watch; I was an hour late for the date. I looked down and saw that my shirt was completely messy, my hair was probably a mess again, and my fingernails had dried blood underneath them. Did I really dig them that deep into my head? I had to ask Lucy to marry me. I couldn't wait any longer. I was just going to go over to her place, go down on one knee and ask her. It wouldn't be as romantic as I wanted it to be, but I needed to do it now.

I stepped out into the fresh air and took a deep breath. I got into my car and for once, slowly drove down to Lucy's house. "I could do this. I want to do this. I want to make her mine, get married, have kids, and be happy." I was trying to calm myself down.

I was in front of her door. I had the ring in one hand, held so tightly against my palm that it was starting to sting, and the other against the door. I contorted my frown into a smile and knocked twice. The door opened immediately. Lucy was standing on the other side wearing jeans and a button up shirt. She knew we weren't going to the restaurant anymore. She looked worried and her eyes were red. I hope she didn't think I stood her up.

"I was so scared. I wanted to call, but I thought something came up."

"Mary me," I blurted out, preventing her from saying anything else. She didn't say anything, so I bent down on one knee. She started to shake. "I love you more than…anyone. I want you to be my wife, will you marry me…Lucy?" Why was it so hard to say that?

She gave me a strange look. I can only imagine what she was thinking. I showed up an hour after I was supposed to, my dress shirt un-tucked, my hair a mess, and I can practically feel my eyes jumping around wildly.

"Yes!" She screeched. I popped back up and quickly slid the ring on her slim finger. I grabbed her face and gave her the most passionate kiss I can muster while walking her backwards into the room and shutting the door with my foot. She was tugging at my shirt when Bella crossed my mind. One last time, before I let go, I have to make sure she is fine.

"I will be right back," I breathed into her ear.

I ran to the bathroom and slid down on to the floor. The cold from the floor helped clear my mind. I was going to call Emmett. He would be mad at me, but it wouldn't be as bad as talking to the others. He was my brother after all, we were family. I quickly dialed his number; I was greeted by a not so happy Emmett.

I tried to sound as unaffected as I could, "did you guys make it to the resort?"

"No, we came back. I'm not coming home tonight. I think I will spend the weekend here with Rose," he shot back.

I knew he was just going to stay angry the whole time, so might as well get the answer I want from him now. "Is she fine?"

"I don't know what you consider fine, Edward. Fine can mean she will survive even though you broke her heart, or it can mean she is in the worst condition possible."

"Just tell me Emmett."

"Yes, ok she's doing well."

"Can I talk to her?" I knew she wouldn't want to, but I really needed to ask for her forgiveness. I had to know that she was going to be ok.

"She doesn't want to talk right now."

"Just put her on the phone."

"What do you want me to do Edward, force her to talk?"

There was no point of trying anymore. I decided to ask him another question. He might be angry, but he should still be curious. "So are you going to ask me if I asked Lucy to marry me?"

"No, I am not going to ask you," he sounded shocked.

My temper rose again, "Why not?"

"Because that isn't what is most important to me at the moment."

"You are my brother. I get that you care about Bella, but she isn't your sister."

"You might be my brother, but Bella is just as much my sister," he hissed.

"Ok fine, you have fun trying to take care of your _sister."_

"Yeah ok…bye."

I hung up without saying goodbye. I was mad. Not only was this tearing my friends away from me, but it was also tearing my only brother away from me. I got what I wanted. I wanted to know if Bella was going to end up fine, and she was. I had no more excuses to hold back. I opened the bathroom door and Lucy was standing right behind it.

"Are you ok?" I grabbed her again and kissed her. Tonight would be the start of forgetting about Bella. As my hands went through Lucy's short curly hair, I was going to forget Bella's long soft hair. As I kissed Lucy's firm lips, I was going to forget Bella's soft plump ones. As I made love to her toned tan body, I was going to forget about Bella's soft, cream one. Starting tonight, I would forget about what Bella Swan said to me. I was going to forget that she said she loved me. I was going to forget that memory of her melting eyes. I was going to forget the memory of when I once felt a fire deep inside me just by looking at her.

Bella was my past. Lucy was my future. Lucy and I shared a connection of love, of intimacy. With Bella, all we shared was a friendship and memories. Something that can easily be forgotten about.

**) ...Enjoy**


	13. Home

B POV

I walked into the apartment and heard Jasper and Emmett yelling at the television. I could have sworn that they were both here when I went to work this morning. I stood in front of the TV with my hands on my hips while they waved their arms at me and told me to move. Jasper was eating a bag of chips that I never remembered seeing and Emmett was holding a can of beer that I never bought.

"Jasper, I thought that you and Alice getting married meant less time seeing you, not seeing you every morning when I wake up and every night when I close my eyes." His eyes were still focused on the TV, trying to find little spaces where he can catch the game without bothering to tell me to move.

"And Emmett, I get that you and Rosalie aren't married yet or anything, but I think you live in this house more than I do," I laughed as Jasper picked me up and threw me back on the couch.

He shrugged, "Rose is always busy with all this wedding stuff. She needs my help, and I don't like being around Edward that much anymore, he is so boring now"

He mentioned Edward again. I had made them promise not to talk about him if they didn't have to, but Emmett always brought him up every chance he can get. I hadn't talked to him since the day he turned me down. That day he kept on calling me, but the next day, it was like none of it had happened. It was like he didn't care. I had only seen him twice after that. Once was when I picked Emmett up to go get Rosalie's ring checked. She has been demanding to see it, but Emmett said that he at least wanted the wedding ring to be a surprise since Rosalie herself practically bought the engagement one. He was out there walking to his car when I went to pick Emmett up.

The other time I saw him was when I had come home from work. I had walked in on him and Alice arguing, but they immediately stopped once they noticed I was in the room. He didn't even look my way as he walked out of the house. Did he hate me so much that he couldn't even stand to look at me?

We never were in the same place at the same time. It felt like we were the parents and the rest of the group were our kids. I would hang out with all of them one day and the next he would. Every time they asked him to come hang out he would ask if I was there, and if they said yes, he would make some excuse about how he is almost done with med school and has a lot of things to do.

"She needs your help? Because watching a football game while your fiancée is planning the wedding is a lot of help," I snorted, trying to forget about Edward. "What about you Jasper what is your excuse?"

Jasper stuffed another handful of chips in his mouth. "Alice is planning out the whole wedding. Rosalie needs her help and I am Alice's husband. I am here for moral support."

"What about work? Do you guys ever work?" I was now curious; Jasper and Emmett were always free, whenever I needed them.

"I usually work from home now, that's why Alice had all that fun building an office for me. She wanted to spend more time, so I now work from home." Jasper's eyes were still glued to the TV.

"I own a business, so I barely have to do anything. I check up on things, do some paperwork but that is basically it." Emmett grabbed another can of beer off of the table.

"More like your mom and dad helped you out with the business and do almost everything," Jasper mumbled.

I went over and picked up the empty beer can, "where did all this stuff come from?"

"You guys don't have anything good. We decided to bring some stuff over," Emmett said.

"Go help the girls out. They have been bickering about what shoes Rosalie will wear for the past hour and a half," Jasper shooed me out of the room.

I sighed as I walked into the dining room. The dining room table was covered with papers, magazines, cards, and pictures. The floor was covered in different fabrics and shoes. Alice was forcing different shoes onto Rosalie's feet while Rosalie flipped through a magazine and cut out a picture every once in a while.

"Good you are here. Look through the magazines. If you find a picture with a nice hairstyle for a wedding, cut it out," She threw one of the magazines she was looking through at me.

"Why are we doing this last minute? Rose, your wedding is in six days, and you are just trying to figure out your shoes and what fabric to go on chairs?"

"Alice has been a little preoccupied." I looked at Alice and her head was bent low, near the shoes, trying to figure out which one would go best with the dress. A slight blush appeared on her cheeks.

"Sorry," she squeaked.

"You still won't tell us what this is about? I am not angry about this, Alice. Usually the things you do last minute look best anyways. I just want to know what has been bothering you." Rosalie said while still cutting out pictures.

"It is nothing. If it is something I will tell you…eventually. This shoe goes best don't you think?" She finally stood up. Rosalie scowled at the ones that she didn't want, but then finally nodded. She really didn't care about the shoes, they wouldn't be seen. As long as what could be seen looked perfect, she would be happy.

"You know, having three friends get married in the same year should be illegal," I whispered mostly to myself.

Rosalie heard, "why should it be illegal? You can't stand looking nice three out of the three hundred sixty five days?"

"Hey Rosalie, what do you think about going bald for your wedding? You will definitely be making a statement and everyone there will stare at you – isn't that what you want? Not only that but I will do it free of charge." I spun the scissors around my index finger. Her eyes narrowed at me.

She was about to say something when Alice cut in. "Bella's clothing has gotten better over the years. Bella, joking about a bride's hair is not funny. You do not joke about this stuff. Oh and Bella, make sure to pack soon"

"Why do I need to pack now? I get that you want to be ready and everything, but we aren't going back to Forks for another four days," I laughed.

"Actually…we are going tomorrow," she started cleaning up the room trying not to look me in the eyes. "That is why we are all here. We are going to spend the night here so we can get an early start and head over to Esme and Carlisle's place."

"Why are we going so early? I have work! I can't just take the day off."

"Oh please, Bella. You write articles. You can write one while we are at Forks. Write about weddings and hairstyles, I am sure your boss would love your fashion sense." Rosalie was still hostile because of my joke. "I don't even know why you still work for that newspaper. You don't make good money and the people there suck."

I blushed, "I like my job."

Alice finally took a seat next to me. "Please, Bella. Esme needs our help, and don't worry, Edward wont be there. He is coming the day before the wedding."

"Why?" I kicked myself. I wasn't supposed to care about what he was doing.

Alice rolled her eyes, "don't hurt yourself, Bella. You don't have to pretend you don't care. It is bad enough that he is stubborn."

"What do you mean he is stubborn?"

"Never mind. He isn't going to be there because he himself has wedding stuff to do."

"Oh."

Rosalie was now looking at me with sad eyes. Great, I would rather have her angry than have her pity me. "You sure you don't want to be a bridesmaid? Megan is really excited to be one, mostly because she will dance with Edward, but I will kick her out if you want it. You just have to dance with him a couple of times and that's it. I would kick him out, but he is Emmett's brother. It is kind of rude, you know?"

"No, no, let your cousin dance with him. I am actually excited to see what stunt she will pull this time. Remember that one summer when you had a family reunion and we were there, she practically raped Edward." I laughed but then stopped right away. I had promised myself that I would not remember any of those memories.

"It is ok, Bella. You can laugh at the memories, not like he is dead or anything." She scooted closer to me, putting her arm around my shoulders.

"I am practically dead to him," I whispered.

"Oh please, you are not. Just because you two are not talking to each other at the moment does not mean he doesn't notice you."

"Rose, he hasn't talked to me at all since that night. He walked right by me that one time; he didn't even look at me."

"Maybe he feels the same way. Maybe he thinks you hate him. You guys will never know if you don't talk."

"I told him I loved him! I more or less begged him to stay with my. Why would that make him think I hate him?" My face was getting hot.

"What about after you told him? Maybe he thinks you hate him because he didn't choose you," Rosalie stated calmly.

"No, he is the one who hates me. He knows I can never hate him."

"I think he loves you more than you know – more than he knows." Emmett came over and kissed the top of Rosalie's head.

"What do you know? You said you are barely home anymore because he is so boring," I snapped. Rosalie turned around and glared at him.

"And to see my Rose of course." He lowered his head and softly kissed her on the lips. "Anyways, as I was saying, he loves you more than he knows."

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"You aren't the only one who talks in her sleep."

"Edward doesn't talk in his sleep."

"Except when he constantly has something on his mind. He has been repeating your name over and over for nights. He woke up crying a couple nights ago…oops I promised I would not say anything about that."

"Why was he crying?" I was shocked. Edward usually always kept his emotions in tact until he knew no one was around.

"Don't know."

--

I hopped out of Emmett's jeep and landed on my knees in the grass. A hand grabbed mine and pulled me up, "try not to hurt yourself this week," Jasper laughed. I grumbled some profanities towards him.

I looked up and saw the massive white mansion – home to the Cullens – standing intimidatingly in front of a neatly trimmed, perfect green lawn. I let out a sigh. Everything about this family was perfect. Carlisle and Esme decided they wanted to move after Edward and Emmett went to college. We thought they bought a smaller place, but when we all came to visit the summer after, we were in for a big surprise. We couldn't really understand why they wanted a bigger house since it was just the two of them, but even with a house that big, Esme was still able to keep up with it and make it look beautiful.

The front door opened and Esme came running out. "Mom!" Emmett yelled, holding his arms out until she was near. He grabbed her into a massive hug and spun her around. She went around saying hello to everyone and then she was standing in front of me. Everyone else grabbed their bags and went inside.

"How are you, dear?" She looked at me the same way Rosalie did the night before when she asked me to be a bridesmaid. She knew what happened between Edward and I. Alice…

"I'm good, and it is good to see you, Esme." I gave her a gentle hug.

"Is it alright with you if you stay in…Edward's room? At least until he comes home. Alice demanded that Rosalie and Emmett should have separate bedrooms, so she took yours."

"It's fine…until he comes back. Then I will sleep on the couch."

She looked horrified, "we can't have that!"

"It's fine." I gave her a kiss on the cheek and went back into the house.

When I walked into his room, the first thing that hit me was the smell. It was the most familiar scent to me. It smelled just like him. After all the days that I would cry in his shirt or sleep in his arms, this scent stuck with me. It used to be a calming scent, now it is a haunting one. All the memories that go along with that smell came rushing into my mind and I had to forcefully close the doors to my mind. I dropped my bags at the door and threw myself on his bed – not a good idea. I ran to his computer chair and brought my knees up to my chest. I would not sit on that bed until I had to.

I heard the front door open and close a couple of times and then I finally decided it was time to go downstairs. I didn't see anyone around the house, but I did smell food. I followed the trail until I was in the kitchen. Esme was stirring a large pot of something red.

"Where is everyone?" She jumped at the sound of my voice, not knowing I was there.

"They all decided to go down to town. They didn't bother asking you because they thought you were asleep," she went back to stirring.

"It's ok, I don't mind staying here. Can I help?" She pointed towards the cutting board where there were different types of vegetables. I walked over and started cutting a carrot.

"Charlie is coming over for dinner tonight." She knew that would perk me up.

"Good, I think he has been living off of pizza since the last time I left."

"No, he has been living off of my food. He comes here almost every night to eat dinner. He is always complaining about how we moved and how much it is a hassle for him to get his dinner now." We both started laughing.

"Bella, about Edward…" Esme started. I did not want to worry about him. I wasn't going to see him for a couple of days and once I did see him I would probably be emotionally unstable. I might as well enjoy these next few days.

"Esme, it is fine, really. He doesn't love me. I never really expected him to. He loves someone else and there is nothing anyone of us can do. I am happy for him either way."

She smiled, "I just wanted you to know, no matter what happens with you and Edward, you will always be considered my daughter."

My eyes started to sting. "Thank you," I choked.

Charlie had arrived and I smiled pleasantly when I noticed that he still had his belly. He was healthy, that's good. Carlisle then came in and he looked as beautiful as ever, even with dark circles underneath his eyes from all the late nights at the hospital. He gave me a smile and a kiss on the cheek and then he ran upstairs to take a shower.

I was sitting at the dinner table talking to Charlie when the front door opened again. Alice and Rose poked their heads inside.

"Alice, Rosalie! How are you two?" Charlie got up and hugged them both. They looked suspicious.

"Hi Bella!" Alice sang, a little too joyfully. Jasper then walked in and said his hellos and took his spot next to Alice.

"Where's Emmett?" I asked Alice. She just shrugged her shoulders and leaned over the table, deep in conversation with Charlie about how you really should not wear ties that have a design on them with a shirt that has a design on it.

Emmett walked in when we were all finally seated at the table. "Guess what I found outside in the driveway?"

"A puppy?" I joked.

"No, you will probably think this is cuter," he winked at me.

"Emmett," I heard someone hiss behind him. A tall thin figure walked out of the shadows and into the light. I let out an audible gasp and then slapped Alice's arm.

"You lied to me!" I whispered in her ear.

"Honestly, none of us knew. He just came early." Her eyes were wide with innocence, she was telling the truth.

"Edward, I thought you weren't going to come until the day before the wedding." Esme got up and gave him a tight hug.

"Hi mom," he said quietly. "I was planning on doing that but Lucy got called on a business trip, she is coming the day before the wedding, and I had nothing else to do. I thought I might as well come and spend some time with everyone here."

"That's great!" Charlie smiled. He didn't know. I was thankful that Esme didn't tell him. I didn't want him hating Edward for no reason. The Cullens were like family to Charlie and he would be heartbroken if he knew one of them hurt me.

Dinner went by normally for everyone, except for me. I sat there with Alice chirping away on my left side, and Edward slowly drinking himself away to my right. I tried my best not to look at him. Every time I did steal a glance, though, his eyes were down and he was just playing with his food or drinking some more wine. Probably upset that he couldn't see his precious Lucy for a couple more days. I sighed and he looked at me. His eyes looked wary and it seemed like he was about to say something, but then Carlisle asked him a question and he turned his attention towards him.

"Are you ok, Bells?" I was standing on the porch with Charlie.

"Yeah dad, I am fine." I forced a smile.

"You and Edward looked uncomfortable. Are you sure everything is ok?" He never paid attention to stuff like this. Why is it when I wanted him to notice something he never did and when I didn't want him to, he always did?

"We are both probably tired. I haven't really gotten much sleep," I lied.

"Ok, well I will see you later. I can't come tomorrow because I am working late but I will see you the day after." He gave me a hug and walked to his car.

A thought suddenly hit me. Edward being home early meant that he would want his room. I took the stairs two at a time, trying my best not to trip and then ran into his room. I grabbed a pillow off his bed and a blanket from the closet. I quickly changed and brushed my teeth and then I ran downstairs. It was quiet; everyone was already in their rooms. Edward was sitting on the couch with his head in his hands. He looked up at me when he heard the floor creak and gave me an odd look.

"What are you doing?" He accused.

His voice, even when it was meant to sound harsh, sounded so beautiful. "I am sleeping here because all the bedrooms are taken."

"No, _I_ am sleeping here because all the bedrooms are taken."

"Your bedroom is open."

"Nope, you are sleeping there," to show that he wasn't going to back down he laid down on the couch with his back to me.

"You aren't going to let me sleep here are you?"

"Nope." I gave up the fight and turned around. "Hey, Bella…" I turned back around. He was now facing me. He looked sad. "Have a good night," he smiled. I just nodded and ran back to his room.

I woke up to my throat hurting. Needing a drink of water, I tiptoed my way down to the kitchen. I walked to the fridge not even bothering to turn on the lights. The light from the fridge flowed throughout the room and landed on someone sitting on the countertop.

"Oh!" I gasped, flipping the light switch. Edward was sitting there with no shirt and pajama pants. He was holding a half empty bottle of wine in his hand. I noticed it was not the same wine we were drinking during dinner.

"Hi," he gave me a sheepish grin.

"Sorry if I woke you, I was just getting a drink." Sorry if I woke you? It was obvious that he was not sleeping. I couldn't say anything right anymore.

He let out a chuckle, "I wasn't sleeping, in case you couldn't tell." He shook the bottle of wine.

"Oh," I stood there playing with the water bottle in my hands. I couldn't walk away. It felt like there was so much I needed to say. Tears starting sliding down my cheeks. "Stupid," I mumbled trying to wipe them away.

He put the wine down and walked towards me. He pried the water bottle out of my hands and put it on top of the table I was standing next to. His lips were quivering, "I am so sorry, Bella. I am sorry for everything."

"I – it's," but before I could say anything else he put his arms around me and pulled me into a hug. His slightly cool skin felt nice against my heated cheek. I gave myself permission to snake my arms around his waist, my hands brushing by his muscles and then resting on either side of his spine. I finally felt like I was at home.

He pulled away way too soon. I tried pulling him back to me but he was much too strong. He quietly laughed, "Oh Bella."

"It's ok, I am fine, now." I stood on my tiptoes and went to kiss him on the cheek. First kiss – my lips felt like they were on fire. I decided to give him one more peck, to make up for all the time I didn't see him. Second kiss – my heart felt like it was going to leap out. One more wouldn't hurt anyone. Third kiss – Edward grabbed my face and brought his lips to my mouth.

I smiled against his mouth. It felt like our lips were made to be attached to each other. They were moving together with so much passion I thought I was going to burst from all the love I felt. He pushed me backwards until my lower back hit the countertop. His mouth never leaving my skin, he picked me up and set me on top of the counter. My hands roamed all over him, feeling every part of his skin. My fingertips memorizing every line on his body, every freckle. His hands were lingering at my waist, my tank top slowly sliding up.

He then opened his mouth, the taste of wine entered my mouth, reminding me just how drunk he was.


	14. Being Strong

BPOV

I wanted to push him off. Every cell in my body was screaming at me, telling me to stop. My body was working on its own accord, though. _He is drunk, he is drunk_ I chanted to myself, but no matter what I thought, I knew this was my only chance to prove to him that I was what he needed.

He pulled away, giving us a chance to take a breath. His eyes never left mine, but I was finally able to think straight. How was he going to know I was what he needed if he won't remember any of this? He brought his face towards mine again; if I let him kiss me again I wouldn't stop. I let out a groan and he opened his eyes.

"You alright?" He mumbled.

"No…yes…I am more than alright." I was so happy I felt like I was flying, but that did not mean _this_ was alright.

"Good," he closed his eyes again. The purple over his eyelids showed he hadn't slept in a while.

"No, Edward…" I didn't want to say it. Why couldn't I for once not think straight? Why couldn't I just let go and let it happen? "We can't be doing this." I sighed in defeat, my morals and sense of what is wrong and right won me over.

"Why not?" His face got closer, his nose sliding up and down the side of my neck. I clutched the edge of the countertop, my knuckles hurting from the tight hold. I held my breath and closed my eyes; it did not help at all. Once again my heart started beating fast, my lips parted and I could taste the cologne that was still on his skin from this evening.

"Because…because…this…is wrong."

"How?"

The thought of him being drunk again brought me back down from the heaven that I was in. "You drank five glasses of wine at dinner and you just drank almost a whole bottle of it by your self. You are drunk, Edward. You don't know what you are doing and then you will end up hating me."

"I won't hate you, I have never hated you," he blew on my skin, sending shivers down my spine.

I took in a deep breath, "I will hate myself. As much as I want this, this is not right. You are engaged and you are drunk. I am not going to do this to you…I am not going to do this to myself." It seemed like he didn't hear what I just said, as he continued to kiss my neck. I held on to his shoulders, this made him think I was pushing him closer, so he turned his face towards mine and kissed me again. I pushed him back with all my strength. He let go of me and walked backwards. It seemed like he finally realized what he was doing.

"You want this just as much as I do Bella," ok maybe not.

I hopped down and took a step closer to him, "I don't think you really want this. You are drunk, here I am with a tank top and shorts, the only person in this house that is not taken and that is not family. You probably miss Lucy and want some company. I want you, Edward. I want you more than you think, but that does not mean this is right. If you feel the same way you do now in the morning then let me know."

We stood there staring at each other for a couple of seconds. "You know you are the most selfless creature on this planet," he blurted out.

"Thanks," I smiled. I walked past him and made my way back to his bedroom. A part of me wanted to run back to him. This was probably the only chance I can get to be with him. Maybe if I just went along with it, in the morning he would realize we were meant to be together. I paused on the stairs. Maybe I really _should _go back. I frowned as I continued going up the stairs. I was not going to do this to him.

I crawled in to his bed and pulled the covers over my head. I used one of his pillows to muffle my cries. Why did love come so naturally and easily to everyone else but me?

_It was a hot summer, the first time in months it was a clear sky, and the temperature had reached the high eighties. All the neighborhood kids were outside playing their own games, trying to find a way to cool down. We were in my front yard playing with a hose. Alice and I were trying to spray a yelping Rosalie who was running around hiding behind trees and cars. Emmett was in his back yard with Edward and Jasper, putting as much use as they can to the pool that they only used on rare occasions, due to the rainy and cold weather of Forks. They were all showing off the flips they can do on the diving board. A couple of kids were in there watching them perform. I wanted to jump into the pool and play Marco Polo or some fun game, but Rosalie had gotten her period for the first time, and we promised her we would not ditch her._

"_Alright Rosalie, we promise we won't spray you," I laughed. She poked her head from the side of the tree and saw that we had put the hose back. We all ran into my back yard and sat on the grass. The sound of kids cheering made its way to our ears._

"_I hate when they show off," Rosalie looked at my fence, as if she can see right through it._

"_Oh shut up Rose, you know Emmett is doing it to get your attention, and Alice, Jasper is doing the same for you."_

"_Who is Edward doing it for?" Alice asked._

_I shrugged, "I don't know. Probably showing off for some girl he likes."_

"_Has he told you who he likes?" I shook my head. "Then he probably doesn't like anyone. He tells you everything."_

_Rosalie dragged a lawn chair and stood on top of it when she put it by the fence. We did the same thing. The crowd of kids had grown. Some were in the pool and some were waiting by the diving boards. _

"_That's nice of Edward and Emmett, letting people in their back yard."_

"_That doesn't sound like Emmett, it was probably Edward's idea," Rosalie giggled. Emmett turned around and looked at us. He smiled and gave a friendly wave. His black curly hair was plastered to his face. He looked more like an eighteen year old than a fourteen year old. _

_He jumped on to the diving board as he pushed a little scrawny boy out of his way. "Rosalie Hale this is for you!" He flipped into the water. Rosalie gave a smug smile, enjoying the attention. He popped right out of the pool and then his head was suddenly floating on the other side of the fence. "Rose, will you be my girlfriend?" Rosalie's eyes widened and then she nodded. "Cool," he smiled. He kissed her on the cheek and then ran back to the pool. _

_Rosalie slid down the fence and sat down on the chair. "About time he asked me." We all started to laugh. "I think he is the one."_

_I rolled my eyes, "you are only fourteen."_

"_So? He is the only boy I ever noticed. I never liked any of the guys that liked me. I only like him."_

"_He is your soul mate. Just like how Jasper is my soul mate," Alice nodded._

"_Too bad he doesn't know that," I pointed out._

"_He will." Alice was confident._

Why didn't I have that? How was Alice so sure Jasper was her soul mate and that he loved her back when she was only thirteen? Why at the age of twenty three, I wasn't so sure about anything?

The smell of bacon and pancakes wafted in through my open door. Alice was sitting at the foot of the bed looking through Edward's pictures.

"Do you have anything better to do?" I grumbled. The water bottle on the nightstand reminded me of what happened the other night, quickly spreading a blush on my face.

"Why are you blushing?"

"No reason." I did not want Alice making this a big deal.

She shrugged, "Sure Bella. Hurry up and get showered. Esme wants us all to eat breakfast together and Emmett looks like he is ready to take a bite out of the table.

I showered as quickly as I can and then made my way downstairs. Everyone was at the table except for Edward. Carlisle noticed he was the one I was searching for.

"Edward will not be eating breakfast with us. He is very sick due to the insanely large amount of alcohol he drank last night. I thought he would know a thing or two about being drunk and having hangovers since he is going to be doctor soon." Carlisle spoke over his newspaper. I nodded.

The whole day went by with Rosalie and Alice giving me questioning stares. Every time someone would say my name I would blush. It seemed like every one knew about what happened last night. What would they think of me if they did find out? Would Carlisle and Esme think of me as a home wrecker? Would Alice think I was irresponsible? Would Emmett think it was right, or would taking advantage of a drunk engaged man – even for a couple of minutes, be considered wrong, even to him?

I didn't see Edward until dinner. We did not speak or make eye contact at all. I am sure someone noticed.

The next couple of days went the same. I would wake up to Alice hovering over me, forcing me to get up and shower. We would all eat breakfast and then usually go our separate ways. Carlisle would go to work, Jasper would be on the computer doing some stuff with work, and Emmett would just sit in front of the TV, occasionally picking up a phone call or two. I would usually be forced to go shopping with Rosalie and Alice, and then I would go visit Charlie. Edward…I really didn't know what he was up to. He would usually eat breakfast and then leave the house right away, and not come back till dinner.

It was finally the night before the wedding. We were all in the living room watching Enchanted.

"Alice, why the hell are you making us watch this crap? I don't care about some delusional singing freak," Emmett huffed getting up.

"Well, it is time we go celebrate your last night as a single man, anyways." Jasper also got up and patted his shoulder.

"Do not do anything stupid," Rose warned.

"Don't worry babe, Jasper is a married man. He won't get carried away," Emmett reassured her.

Edward was supposed to go with them, but he made up some excuse about how Lucy was coming in tonight and she wasn't feeling too well, so he wanted to be there with her. Jasper got a hold of some of Emmett's friends and they were all going to go celebrate Emmett's bachelor party. They wouldn't tell us where they were going, Rosalie didn't want to know. Alice finished applying the brownish green mask on Rosalie's face and then sent her to bed.

"Ok, I am going to bed. Don't stay up too late," she skipped off to her room. It was just Edward and I sitting next to each other now. At first, I was into the movie, but then I became aware of how close we were sitting when I heard his heavy breathing. I looked over and our shoulders were almost touching. His hands were on his knees and he was staring straight at the TV.

He saw me looking from the corner of his eyes. "Hey."

"Hey," I quickly turned away.

"We haven't really talked lately, huh?"

"No."

"What happened the other night…" He started. I felt my face go red.

"Nothing happened. I came downstairs for a drink of water and you were up drinking. We had a little chit chat and then I went to bed."

He laughed. I scooted over and turned my body around so I could get a better view of him. "Bella, I remember it all. We did more than talking."

"Oh…why didn't you say anything?"

"Because I didn't want to make it too awkward for you. I still care about you, you know? I'm just sorry that that isn't enough for you"

I reached up and pressed my palm against his scruffy cheek. My hand felt like it was going to melt right off. "No, I am sorry that I was the terrible friend and I ruined everything. You would never have to feel sorry for anything if it wasn't for me."

He frowned. His right hand grabbed my chin and he held it firmly. He was staring directly into my eyes. Our closeness made me uncomfortable so I averted my eyes and stared at the tip of his nose.

"Look at me," he growled. I looked up thinking his eyes would mirror the anger he felt towards me, for what ever I did. Instead, I was looking at two beautiful green eyes filled with love and sorrow, and they looked like they were searching. I got impatient and started to squirm underneath his hand. "Hold on for one second!" His eyes were getting more frantic, as if he was running out of time. I got scared. What was going on with him? I pulled my face away and he let go. He sighed, leaning back into the couch. His one hand was over his eyes and a small, sad smile was playing on his lips.

"Edward what's-"

"Have you wondered why some things end up going one way, even though you have all the power to make them go another?" He cut in.

"Are we talking about super heroes now or something?" What was up with the sudden change in mood?

He let out a frustrated laugh. "No, not super heroes. I am asking you a serious question. Have you ever thought about that?"

I quickly thought about why he would be asking me this question. His hand moved from his eyes and he impatiently stared at me. I guess he really wanted to know the answer. "I think because we are scared. We are comfortable with how our lives are going now and we don't want to ruin anything."

"How come you weren't scared to take a chance? To make things go the other way?"

"Because I was stupid, and I didn't think of the consequences. A normal person wouldn't have done what I did if they thought it through. Can I ask you a question?" He nodded. "Do you believe you can be in love with two people at the same time?" I really didn't want to know the answer. I already knew he wasn't in love with me. Why did I want to hurt more?

His blew out a gust of air he was holding in. "It is possible…but in the end you have to be in love with one of them, more than the other. Who ever you choose, that's the person you love more. That is the person you can't live without. The person that makes you smile."

My heart broke. He did not love me at all, so why was I still upset? He never had anyone to choose between because he always only had Lucy. He never loved me that way. I felt like this was us saying goodbye. It felt like he was telling me that he didn't need me anymore because he has someone else, someone that is everything I was and more.

I bit my lip, trying my hardest to hold back the tears. "You'll find someone, Bells. Someone that is good enough for you." He noticed I was starting to get emotional.

"So, you are good enough for Lucy?" The question came right out. This was the question I wanted to ask him since the day he rejected me.

He sighed, "That is different. I have known you for such a long time. I know your likes and dislikes. I know you from the inside and out. We have some stuff in common, but we are two very different people. You need someone that will never hurt you and take advantage of the friendship. With Lucy and I, we started out fresh. We didn't really know each other and we went straight into the dating scene. We became attracted to each other before we became friends. We are so alike that we fit together. I never felt the need to protect her from other men or anything because she was mine a little after we met. I don't know how else to explain it."

"You never hurt me or took advantage of our friendship," I whispered.

"Oh please, yes I did. I would constantly hurt you, and I would keep coming back because I knew no matter what I did you would take me back. I always took advantage of our friendship. When I felt like I didn't need you, I would ignore you. I would say mean things to you and hurt you. When I would start to feel that I needed you again, I would come back and apologize, knowing damn well you would forgive me."

He took a deep breath. "How could I ever feel like I am good enough for you after I did all that? I don't deserve your kindness and your love." The doorbell rang. "That must be Lucy," he got up.

I couldn't get up. I just sat there, staring at a spot on the wall. "Hey Bella, I haven't seen you in a while. You must be really busy." I turned towards Lucy who was standing there with Edward's arm around her waist.

"Hey Lucy," I forced a smile. "Edward you can take your room back."

"No way. We will be fine here," he argued.

"Look, there are two of you and only one of me. I get that I am a guest here, but I am practically family. This is Lucy's first time here and her first time meeting the family. She is more of a guest than I am, so she deserves the room."

"Thanks Bells. Lucy, it's the first bedroom on the right. I'll be right there." She nodded and left. Edward walked over to where I was sitting but he didn't sit down. He grabbed my head and brought my face to his chest. "Thank you," he kissed my hair. Tears that I couldn't control rolled off my face and onto his shirt.

"No problem."

"Goodnight Bella. Good luck tomorrow. I have a feeling Rosalie is going to complain about at least ten things." He smiled and went upstairs.

I fell back onto the couch, not even bothering to change. Tomorrow was going to be a long day. I just couldn't wait till it was all over and done with. I would be able to go back home and forget about everything. My eyes snapped open. Going back home meant we were getting closer to Edward getting married. "Ugh," I moaned. I threw the pillow over my head and closed my eyes shut.

--

It was quiet when I woke up, too quiet. There was a note on my pillow. _**Lucy, Rose, Megan, Esme and I went to get our hair done. Take a shower and be ready for when I get home, so I can do your hair. The boys went to a hotel a couple hours ago, so no one will be home. Esme left some breakfast out for you. **_

Great, not only does she have Edward, but she is slowly taking away my best friends. I shook my head, no that was my fault. I chose not to be a bridesmaid. I went to the kitchen and slowly ate my breakfast, trying to pass time. The girls came back two hours after I had taken my shower, all looking as beautiful as ever. I felt like a sore thumb, standing there with my wet hair dripping down my back and my holey sweats hanging off of me. Alice, Lucy and Megan were all wearing a light purple backless dress. Esme was in a stunning green dress, and Rosalie, even though she was still wearing Emmett's dress shirt and a pair of jeans, was breath taking.

After Alice had finished my hair, Rosalie walked in, now wearing her wedding dress, with a red dress in her hand.

"What's that?" I nodded towards the dress.

"This is your dress." She hung it in front of me.

I sighed, "Rosalie, I know it is your wedding, but you can't control what everyone is wearing."

"Want to bet?" She challenged. I grabbed the dress from her hands, knowing that arguing would just be a waste of time.

As I was slowly making my way downstairs, trying not to trip in the heels Alice had forced on me, I heard Lucy talking at the foot of the stairs. I scowled. She was telling Megan every detail about her soon to be wedding. How was I going to go to _his_ wedding, if I was dreading seeing him at _a _wedding. That is life though. You live, you love, you hurt, you die.

"Bella, you look gorgeous!" Megan ran over to examine me closer.

"Definitely not as gorgeous as you guys."

"Why, of course not!" She joked. Megan is Rosalie's cousin. She is the type of girl that can make a party, but then after about an hour, she is the one that breaks it. She doesn't have limits and can annoy the hell out of you, but she can make anyone smile when they are feeling down. I looked over at Lucy who was giving me a tight smile. I gave her one back. I really couldn't wait to see Megan all over him, not only because Edward couldn't stand her, but I knew it would bother Lucy to no end.

I excused myself and went into the backyard to see how far Alice went. My jaw dropped. She really went above and beyond. The backyard was completely transformed. There were little lights in all the trees and bushes. There was a big tent with round tables underneath it and a big dance floor in the center. There were flowers everywhere.

"No one was supposed to see it until after the ceremony!" Alice came over and grabbed my hand.

"Alice this is amazing." I whispered in awe.

The compliment stopped her from pulling me inside. "Really? Thanks! It did take a lot of work, but I made it happen. I wish they decided to get married back here because I could have made a little section for the ceremony, and it would have looked so cute!"

"This is more than enough."

"It is never enough. Come on. We have to go to the church." She pulled me in.

When Rosalie had walked down the aisle, Emmett was beaming. We were all crying. Rosalie's parents, Emmett's parents, and all of her friends. I mainly cried for my own selfish reasons. Rosalie leaving meant I was going to be on my own. Only reason I had seen them all a lot lately was because of the wedding preparations. They were soon going to all go their own ways, and I would be alone. I was also crying because deep down I was jealous of what Emmett and Rosalie had. Their relationship wasn't exactly like Alice and Jasper's, but it was amazing in its own way. They were so real with each other. They didn't mind insulting each other, or yelling at each other. They were dead honest when it came to their relationship. They were both very strong people, and they loved with all their heart. They constantly had their arguments, but they always admitted when they were wrong. If people saw them together for the first time, they would think their relationship strives on the physical aspects, but they would not have lasted all these years together if it was just physical. No one could turn Emmett from the big scary tough guy into a little puny boy in love except for Rosalie. Emmett was the only one who could make Rosalie, in her craziest witch moments relax. They really were soul mates, and I was jealous that they so easily got together.

The reception was fun...I guess. I mainly sat at a table with Charlie, watching people dance. I had refused Carlisle's offer to dance, not wanting to embarrass myself by tripping in the ridiculously high heels I was wearing. I smiled when I saw Megan feeling Edward up while they were dancing, and then I groaned when Lucy appeared out of no where. Edward caught me staring and I quickly took a sip of my champagne, trying to cool down the blush that had made its way to my face.

Charlie pushed me out of my seat when Rosalie was about to throw her bouquet. I slowly walked to the dance floor, praying that I wouldn't be the one to catch it. I really didn't want all the attention on me and then have people think how unfortunate it was of me to catch it since I had absolutely no one in my life. I started to think about what people must think. The odd one out. All her friends getting married except for her. She must be lonely. I grimaced. They should really be the odd ones out. Alice getting married at twenty three and Jasper, Emmett and Rosalie at twenty four. That is what is considered weird these days. It is common for people not to get married until their late twenties or early thirties. I looked up when I heard cheering. Lucy had caught it - what luck. I looked over at Edward who had a shy smile on because of all the people that were staring at him.

I left the tent and walked over to the tree farthest from it. I leaned against it, staring at the full moon.

"Want to dance? They are about to play the last song." Jasper came out from behind the trees.

"No thanks. I'd rather not."

"Come on. It is the last dance. Don't let Edward ruin your day."

"Edward isn't ruining my day at all. I just don't like to dance, and you know that. Go dance with Alice."

"She doesn't feel to good. She just wants to sit." He walked over and stood next to me.

"Where were you anyways?" He didn't say anything. My eyes narrowed. "You were in the woods with Alice weren't you?" He blushed. "Thats gross, Jasper. Thats sounds like something Emmett would do. Have ssex with your wife, and then ask another girl to dance with you."

"She was tired and I just wanted to excite her ok? Forgive me for trying to be a good husband. Anyways, I didn't get that far. She really doesn't feel that good." He frowned.

"Please tell me you are sad because your wife is sick and not because you didn't have the chance to feel her up." He flashed a smile. "Don't even answer that. Come on lets go dance."

We got back inside the tent and almost everyone was on the dance floor, except for Charlie, of course. I smiled at him as I walked by. 'Don't trip,' he mouthed. I rolled my eyes. You've Got a Friend started playing. I laughed at how ironic the song was. Jasper grabbed my hand and spun me before pulling me into him.

"Hey Jasper, thanks for making me dance."

"Aw, you are just getting sentimental because of the song."

"Maybe, but it is true."

"I care about you Bells. I'm glad I can help you out."

"Bella dancing by choice? Wow, that is a first!" Emmett and Rosalie danced over next to us.

"I have danced before."

"Only by force," Emmett laughed.

I looked around the packed dance floor until my eyes landed on him. He was holding Lucy tightly and his face was near her neck. He looked up, like he knew I was staring at him, and our eyes met. He smiled and I smiled back. At that moment, I realized that fate couldn't be controlled. No matter what happened, I was going to stay strong, so he can be happy, so I can stay happy.

--

**Thank you for all the nice reviews! :)**


	15. Authors Note

Hey guys! I'm sorry if you thought that this was a chapter :(

Ok to answer some questions...

This is not the end.

I promise the whole Edward and Bella thing will get better

I haven't been writing a lot lately because I just moved into a new place and started college and I already have papers to write! I am trying to manage my time, but it is really hard since I just started AND I have a job interview soon, so the next chapter might be up in a couple of days

The good news is, I am halfway done writing the next chapter. I promise I will get it up as soon as Possible! thank you for all the reviews!


	16. Cinderella

B POV

The weeks after Rosalie and Emmett's wedding were normal, or as normal as they can get. Rosalie and Emmett went to Fiji for their honeymoon. They looked like two models in paradise in their pictures. When they came back from their honeymoon, Emmett had surprised her by buying her a beautiful two story house. Edward and I were slowly getting back to how we used to be. He was careful not to say anything about the upcoming wedding or Lucy to me. He knew I wasn't going to get depressed like I used to, but he just didn't want to upset me. My fear of not seeing my friends anymore was a waste of time; we would see each other almost every day.

Everyone was happy, with the exception of Alice and Jasper. Alice had announced that she was pregnant a week after we came back from Forks. That would explain why she was so preoccupied the days before Rose's wedding…she was too busy shopping for the baby. A week and a half later Alice had a miscarriage. She was devastated. She fell in love with the baby as soon as she had found out she was pregnant. Jasper wasn't as upset about the baby. He constantly tried to tell her that miscarriages always happened and that there was a very small chance that she could have one again if she were to get pregnant. Alice just ignored him and nearly freaked out when he said if she were to get pregnant again.

Jasper was mainly upset that his wife was depressed. He was overwhelmed when he found out that even shopping didn't make her smile. "Do you think clothes can replace the baby we could have had?" She had once asked, clutching at her stomach, when Jasper had told her that he would go shopping with her.

He had enough when he came one day to Alice sitting in the living room crying her eyes out because of a baby show she was watching. He went on the computer and bought the tickets before Alice stopped him.

I was lying on the couch watching TV when my phone rang. "Hello?"

"Hey Bella, can you come over right now? I am getting the whole group together. I am setting up a meeting." His voice sounded happier than usual.

"Don't you dare think about it Bella!" Alice screamed in the background.

I ignored her, "I'll be right there."

I wasn't the first one at the house. What ever Jasper wanted to talk about, Alice was angry. She was sitting on the couch with her arms across her chest, her nostrils flared and her eyes narrowed to slits. No one was brave enough to sit next to her. Edward was sitting in a chair safely across the room from her. Emmett was sitting on the recliner with Rosalie on his lap. Jasper was standing on the far side of the couch and I was standing by the door.

"Come sit down. She won't bite." Jasper waved me over.

"Do not make promises you can't keep, Jasper." Alice said through her teeth. I walked over and sat at the edge of the couch. Jasper sighed and sat between me and Alice. She turned her attention to the spot right above Edward's head. That made him uncomfortable so he scooted his chair closer to Emmett.

"So what's up?" Emmett asked.

Jasper cleared his throat. "Well, as you can see…Alice has been moping around since the…accident. I thought of a way that could cheer her up and have the six of us hang out one last time before Bella moves to Arizona."

"What?!" Edward, Emmett and Rosalie all asked in unison.

I glared at Jasper. "I only told Jasper because he always seems to finds cheap apartments, so I needed his help. I was going to tell you guys…eventually."

"When?" Edward's face looked like it was set in stone.

"I don't know. I was going to tell you guys soon."

"No, I mean when are you leaving?" He asked.

"Oh…" I looked down at the floor. "The day after your wedding."

"That is so soon. It is in four weeks!" Rosalie shouted.

"I know, but the Arizona Republic Newspaper offered me a really good job. I will make more money and I will have more opportunities to write articles." I was never going to tell them the real reason I wanted to leave. I loved Seattle. I loved my apartment. It hurt to think about moving, but staying here would hurt more. No matter how much I tried to stay strong, it would never be enough. I wouldn't be able to sit here and watch his life start. Watching him get married will be painful enough. Knowing that he is living with her, seeing them together all the time, him one day being the father of her children would kill me. It would be like suicide. I would slowly be killing myself, until one day I just wouldn't be able to take it anymore. I wanted to have a happy life. As impossible as it seemed, I wanted to try to be as happy as I could, and living here in Seattle wouldn't help. I like to think of moving as staying strong. I will put up an act and Edward will think I am happy. He won't be upset if he knows what I am doing is good for me.

"And I will be closer to Renee," I added.

"Oh, because you and Renee are the best of friends." Edward's words dripped with sarcasm.

I opened my mouth and then closed it again. I did not feel like starting an argument. Not when I was just getting my best friend back. Especially since I only had four more weeks with him.

"Ok, ok calm down everyone. As I was saying, I figured that we all needed to hang out. Just the six of us. I know we have been hanging out but it has not been the same. We are all so busy. So, I bought tickets for all of us…to go to Disneyworld."

"Disneyworld?!" Alice jumped out of her seat and onto Jasper's lap. "You didn't say Disneyworld! I thought this was going to be a lame one day vacation. I have always wanted to go there!"

"Only the best for you," Jasper kissed her forehead. "I'm glad you are feeling better."

"That is a great idea," Rosalie agreed. Emmett nodded.

"When are we leaving?" I asked.

"In two days. We will be gone for a week. We need to come back so Edward can help Lucy out with the wedding and you can start packing."

"Well…" Edward started. Jasper laughed. "What?" He demanded.

"I knew you were going to say that. You have no excuse. You aren't taking summer school this summer so you can't say you have school. I already talked to Lucy and told her what is going on and she said of course. She is more than happy to let you go for a week. She said you need a break, she has been really worried about you."

"Ok Jasper! You made your point. I obviously have no choice and I have to go." Edward was watching me from the corner of his eye. He was probably still mad that I didn't tell him.

Jasper smiled. "Then it is settled."

Alice and Rose then ran out of the house to go shopping. They were about to drag me out when I told them that I had some work to do. "We will buy you some clothes, and we will expect you to wear them." Alice yelled through the open window of the car.

"Thank you for agreeing to this, guys. You just made my wife very happy."

"No thank you! Free trip to Disneyworld! Oh and Bella, don't think we are going to let you go that easily. Jasper might have preoccupied Rose and Alice for now, but when we come back from Florida there will be hell to pay. " Emmett said on his way out. I ignored him not wanting to deal with that now. I walked to my car when I noticed Edward following me.

"What do you want?" I asked.

"Hmm I don't know. Maybe the real reason why my best friend is moving to a completely different state?" Edward stood in between the car and me, preventing me from getting inside.

"You already know the real reason."

"Oh give me a break," he scoffed. "I know you, Bella. You love Seattle way too much. You wouldn't leave unless you really had to. You aren't all about the money."

"People change," I shrugged, trying not to look at him. He would know I was lying if he looked at my eyes.

"Some things about people do not change." He was not going to give up.

"I already told you the reason. I have no other explanation. Let me get inside my car."

"Fine, but don't think I will stop bothering you," he warned.

--

We were all sitting at the airport waiting for our plane to arrive. Alice was jumping in her seat; you would have never guessed she was depressed a couple days ago. Jasper had his arm around her while he was on his laptop. Emmett and Rosalie were listening to music. I was just sitting there staring out the window, and Edward was reading a book that probably had something to do with medicine.

"Hey Alice, want to sit next to me on the plane?" I asked. Edward looked over his book to see what her answer would be.

"Sorry Bella, I am going to sit next to Jazz. He did do all this for me," Alice sang.

I looked over at Rosalie who was starting to kiss Emmett's neck. I knew what her answer would be. Edward leaned over, "do you want to sit next to me?"

"You are only asking because you have no choice." He laughed. We waited a couple more minutes and then the plane arrived.

The plane ride to Florida was not the most exciting of events. The airplane we were on was too cheap to play movies, and I didn't have music or a book, so I resorted to staring out at the endless blue sky. Edward would try to start conversation, but after ten minutes he would go back to his medical book. After what seemed like forever, the plane finally landed.

When we stepped out of the airport, we were greeted by the sun's blistering rays. This was definitely not what we were used to. I spread my eyes open and lifted my head up towards the sky and closed my eyes. I could already feel myself getting darker…or redder. I felt a sharp tug on my arm. I looked around to see everyone in the cab except for Alice who was impatiently tapping her foot. I got in and the driver sped towards the Swan resort in Disney World.

--

I was standing in the doorway of the two bedroom presidential suite with my mouth wide open. This place was bigger than my apartment. Edward and Emmett were used to this because of all the vacations they went to when they were younger. Money was never an option for them, so a presidential suite was nothing to them. Jasper looked bored holding Alice's luggage, also used to the massive suite. Alice was jumping up and down, her face beaming. This was definitely a good idea. Rosalie was by the window looking at the spectacular view. I was frozen. Even as Edward walked straight ahead to the black baby grand piano that stood in the middle of the living room, and started playing a relaxing song that would usually lull me to sleep.

To the left of the piano, there was a couch, a plasma screen TV and a bar. There was also one door leading to one of the master bedrooms. To the right of the piano there were more couches. Further ahead there was a dining table that probably seated eight people, with a kitchen right behind it. On the wall near the dining room table there were two doors. One led to the other master bedroom and another was to a bathroom.

"Breathe, Bella. It is just a hotel," Emmett chuckled.

"It's beautiful…this must be expensive. I need to help you guys pay." I reached for my purse. I didn't know what I was doing. I didn't have that type of money. The room was probably two thousand dollars a day.

Jasper took the bag out of my hand and threw it onto one of the many couches in the room. "There is no need for that. I have it all covered. I wouldn't have invited you all if I couldn't pay for it."

"Jasper, this room is crazy!"

"How about for these couple of days, you have fun and not worry about a thing?" I knew that no matter what I said, nothing would happen. I nodded twice. Jasper looked pleased as he moved the suitcases from the doorway to the middle of the room.

I took another step into the room. For some strange reason I felt intimidated by this room. I am sure that is how Cinderella felt when she first stepped foot into the ball. She might have looked like one of them, but deep down she knew she didn't belong, she must have felt awkward, as I was feeling now. For me, money was never a problem because I didn't focus on the material things, but I was different from the rest of my friends. Edward and Emmett had all the money in the world, and could get what ever they wanted, when ever they wanted. Jasper and Rosalie's parents were also very wealthy, but Jasper had always wanted to be independent. He could have easily asked for money, and gotten it, but he felt like that would get him no where.

I always wondered why these two families ended up in Forks. There was nothing special about the small town. It constantly rained, the skies were rarely ever blue, and it was a boring town. Esme says that she loves small towns and that is what attracted her, and Jasper and Rosalie's parents had found their dream house just outside of Forks. It always amazed me how they were so spoiled, yet so down to earth. Alice was the only one like me, but she got used to this very quickly. Once she started dating Jasper, she was introduced to everything they had. Jasper would give her and show her everything, so it really was like I was the odd one out.

"So, how are we going to do the sleeping arrangements?" I asked. Edward stopped playing the piano, also curious.

"What does it matter? It is only nine in the morning." Rosalie, now joined by Alice, was still staring out the window.

"I just want to know. Will it be the three girls in one room, and the three guys in one room?" They all stopped what they were doing and stared at me. Edward was the only one not looking; his head was bowed down, eyes staring at the piano's ivory keys.

Emmett flopped down on the couch, "we are not twelve, Bella."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, I would like to spend this week with my wife. I am sure Jasper wants that also."

"Oh." It suddenly hit me. There were two bedrooms, each with a king sized bed. Of course the married couples would want their own bedrooms.

Edward looked up, "I'll sleep in the living room."

"Me too…I guess," I sighed.

"Those two couches over there have fold out beds," Jasper pointed. "If one of you wants the master bedroom you can have it. Alice and I will sleep out here." Alice glared at him.

"No it is fine; I will sleep on this one." I sat on the white couch, claiming it as mine.

Edward nodded towards the one across from it, "then I will take that one."

After we had decided on the sleeping arrangements we got into the rented car Jasper had gotten, and we drove down to MGM Studios. Edward and I were paired off together, of course. We didn't talk about anything serious. We just made jokes and talked about stuff that didn't really affect our lives. We were both avoiding the questions we really wanted to ask.

It was finally getting dark when Edward and I had gotten out of The Tower of Terror. Emmett and Rosalie had gone to see the Indiana Jones Epic Stunt Spectacular, and Alice and Jasper were at Hollywood Boulevard. We were walking towards the center of the park to meet up with them. My eyes were drooping from the lack of sleep and my feet were killing me. Edward noticed I was walking slowly.

He was a couple of steps ahead when he turned towards me. "Hop on my back," his extended his arm.

"No, I am fine, really." I continued walking to prove that I didn't need the help.

"Bella, you look dead on your feet. Just hop on. I am not tired at all, and I promise you that you won't hurt me."

"I will slow us down."

"Just hop on." He grabbed my hand and pulled me towards him.

"Fine." What was the point of ever arguing with my friends? I never won. I put my arms around his neck and jumped. His strong arms wound their way under my legs. I pressed my forehead against his shoulder, breathing his scent in.

I woke up when I heard a squeak. A dark figure was hovering over me. When my eyes adjusted, I noticed that it was just Edward.

"This position must look awkward," he chuckled.

"What are you doing?" My voice was hoarse.

"I was putting you into bed. Sorry if I woke you." I finally noticed how close we were. His lips were just inches away from mine. If I just lifted my head a bit, my lips would touch his. My mouth parted, breathing him in, and my heart started beating faster and louder. He must have heard it because right then he jumped off. "Well, goodnight." He went over to the couch across from mine and opened up the bed.

The ends of ours beds were touching. I could easily slide over and cuddle up next to him, but would he accept that, or would he jump away from me like he just did? No, I wasn't going to push my luck anymore. I got to spend the whole day with him, which was more than enough. Besides, I was the one who said fate can't be change, so if he was meant to be with Lucy, what was the point of trying?

--

I felt like a little kid at Disney World. My eyes would widen every time I saw something, and I would walk around with a big smile on my face all day. I don't know how much of that was because I was with Edward, though.

It was our last night at the Swan resort and we were all lying around on the couches, tired from all the walking we had done this past week. "Back to Seattle," Alice grimaced.

"Hey, I did this so it would cheer you up. Please don't tell me you will be upset when we get back home," Jasper begged.

"No, don't worry about me Jasper. I am more than happy. Thank you." She stood up and kissed him on the cheek. "Let's go to bed." They walked, hand in hand, to their bedroom.

"See you guys tomorrow morning." Emmett picked Rosalie up, who was dozing off on his shoulder, and carried her to their room.

I opened up my bed and crawled in. I didn't bother turning off the lights, I knew Edward would when he wanted to sleep. To be honest, I didn't turn off the lights because I just wanted to stare at him some more. He was lying on one couch, his legs crossed, his eyes closed, and his lips in a tight line. He wasn't sleeping, he was thinking. I turned away, but after a couple of minutes, my eyes were yearning for him. I turned back around and he was staring at me. At first I thought that he was glaring, but I then realized he just looked confused and sad.

"Bella…" He hesitated. "May I sleep with you tonight?" The man I loved just asked if he could sleep with me. I knew it wouldn't lead to anything; he was too much of a gentleman. My heart was yelling at me, telling me to say yes. I wanted him to jump in here with me and never leave, but my mind was saying no. This was just going to hurt me more. I decided that being hurt was worth it.

He was in my bed seconds after I nodded. The lights were turned off, but there was still a glow coming in through the window. We were both on our backs, but I moved my head so it was facing him, he did the same. He grabbed my hand closest to him, holding it tightly. Once again my heart started beating faster. I tried to take deep breaths. This was Edward. The guy whose hand I always held, but this time it was different. I never knew I loved him when I used to hold his hand. _He_ never knew I loved him.

He broke the silence first. "You know, right now I want to yell at you and tell you how much of an idiot you are, but at the same time I want to hold you and cherish this moment."

Once again I had no idea what he was talking about. I didn't do anything wrong these past couple of days. He knew I didn't understand after minutes of silence.

"Bella, I don't want you to leave." He said each word slowly.

Oh, we were back to that. This was the last time I would actually be with him like this. I didn't want to talk about my move. "Edward, please let's just forget about that for tonight."

"No, how do you expect me to forget about it?"

"Please."

His hold on my hand was getting tighter. I can tell that he was upset. "Why are you going to leave everything behind – everyone behind? You are going to leave all this for a stupid job?"

"I'm not leaving anyone behind. Everyone is leaving me. Alice and Jasper will have another baby soon, I know it, and once they do, do you think they will live in the city? No, Alice will want a nice big family house, in a nice small suburban area. The same goes with Emmett and Rosalie. After a year or so, they will also have a baby. Edward, you are already leaving me. Once we go back there you will go back to Lucy, back to your wedding plans, back to your life that doesn't involve me. You will get married, and maybe move far away from me." It all came out too fast. I said the one thing I didn't want him to hear. I didn't want him to know that all this was upsetting me. I wanted him to think I was perfectly happy.

"It doesn't have to be that way," he said through clenched teeth.

"That's fate." I tried to sound strong. I tried to make it sound like I knew life was tough and I was just going to deal with it, even though all I wanted to do was crawl inside a hole and never get out.

"You can change your fate."

I laughed. It was humorless. "Believe me, I tried, didn't really work out, remember?"

He flipped over on to his side, so that his whole body was facing me. He let go of my hand, but then put his left hand on my cheek. "Please don't go. Stay here for me. Stay here for everyone that loves you."

I wanted to look away. I didn't want him to know that his soft gentle touch was killing me. That his begging was slowly ripping my heart apart. I did not want him to know how I wished his innocent words meant something different. He wasn't begging me to stay with _him_; he was begging me to stay for him. He couldn't have the best of both worlds, and neither could I. I wouldn't be able to stay here with him and be happy at the same time.

"I want to go. I am actually really excited." I tried to make my voice sound cheery. It sounded fake.

"No you don't. I could tell that you don't want to go."

"You can't tell me what I do and don't want. I want to get out of Seattle. I want to have a new life." A tear slid down my face, he caught it before I did. He frowned, his forehead creasing.

"Why are you crying?" He whispered.

I didn't say anything. It was safer to stay quiet. He can't make anymore guesses about my silence. My words might not have given me away, but my body sure did. My whole frame started shaking from the sobs I was trying to hold in, and my lips started to quiver.

"Oh Bella." He caressed my cheek. I tried to pull away, but as always, he was much stronger than I was. I actually didn't want to pull away, I loved his touch, but it was just hurting me more. Once again I felt like Cinderella. The girl whose dreams came true, but she had little time left. I was in bed with Edward. He was holding my face; his own just inches from mine. I can feel his breath, but I just had tonight. This one night and then it would be over. We would go back to Seattle. I would pack while he would work on his wedding. Then he would get married. Give his whole heart and soul to another woman. It was ending sooner than I thought. That thought made a sob escape my lips.

He took his hand off my face and placed it against the small of my back, pushing me closer to him. I threw my hands around him and buried my face into the base of his neck. He held me tightly. This was the closest we had been in months. His hard chest was against my heaving one. His other hand made its way through my hair. I didn't want to cry, I didn't want to show how much this was affecting me, but I needed it.

"Shh Bella, it's going to be alright," he cooed. That made me cry even harder. How was everything going to be alright when I was losing everything? I cried and cried when sleep finally won over the pain and sadness, giving me a couple hours of pain free bliss.

I woke up when I heard a booming laugh. The first thing I saw was copper, and it was making my nose itch. I moved it aside and noticed that it was Edwards's hair. I was still curled into him, my arms hung loosely around his neck. His cheek was resting against mine. We were closer than when we were before we fell asleep. What an awkward position we were sleeping in, but oddly enough, it was very comfortable.

"Hey love birds!" Emmett's voice startled Edward, who quickly pried himself away from me.

"What were you two doing last night?" Alice was smiling.

Edward's face turned pink. I could feel my own getting hotter. "Nothing, Bella was upset and I was just comforting her."

"You sure were comforting her." Jasper laughed.

"Ok guys stop embarrassing them." I was thankful for Rosalie. She gave me a sly smile which meant she would be asking me what happened once we got home. "You guys want to go to breakfast? We still have a couple of hours and there are some stores around here that Alice and I want to hit."

"No," I squeaked, still embarrassed from the position they found us in. Edward also shook his head. They all gave us curious looks but said no more.

"I'm sorry Bella," Edward said, once everyone was out.

"What for?"

"For last night…for holding you like that. It must have made you feel uncomfortable."

Why would he think that? "No I needed it." He just gave one nod and walked off to the bathroom.

I sat there still in shock. I could still feel the warmth from his cheek on mine. He came out of the bathroom. "You must hate me."

"Stop, Edward. I do not hate you. I needed a good cry and I needed someone to comfort me." I didn't want him going around hating himself.

"I really don't want you to leave." He walked over to the bed and sat down next to me.

"I know."

"Is there anything that will make you stay?"

"No…unless…" Unless what? What was I going to say? Unless you forget about your fiancé who you love, and pick me. Pick me even thought it is not me you want to be with. That wouldn't be fair. It didn't even sound fair in my crazy mind.

"I really hope you find something that will hold you here." He put his arm around my shoulders, and I gently rested my head against his shoulder. I did have something that could hold me here. Little did he know how much of a hold he had on me. If he just told me he loved me, he wanted me, I would go to the ends of the earth to be with him. Sadly, life was not the way we always wanted it to be. Sometimes no matter how strong of a hold someone has on you, they don't want to have that. When you realize they don't want that hold, you have to let go. Let go before it is too late. Let go for your own sanity. That is what I was doing.

Cinderella's time was up, but unlike Cinderella, I wouldn't be getting the happy ending I wanted.


	17. Crazy or In Love?

EPOV

I was sitting on the couch with my arm around Lucy, staring absentmindedly at the TV. I was flipping through the channels, not really caring what was on. "Can you just pick something?" Lucy asked, grabbing the remote out of my hand.

"Pick anything you want." I shrugged. I wasn't interested in watching anything.

She pressed her hand against my cheek. "You look sick. Maybe the different weather changes affected you or something."

"I am just tired. I think I am going to go home and sleep. I'll see you tomorrow." I gave her a chaste kiss on the lips and went to my car. I sat there staring out the window for a few seconds. What was going on with me? I had been so emotional lately. Ever since Bella said she was leaving, it felt like everything was coming to an end. I know once she leaves Seattle she won't come back. She will fly her father to Arizona just so she won't be anywhere near here.

I will probably never see her again after my wedding day. She will move to Arizona and meet some amazing guy. I clenched my teeth, trying to keep myself from crying. Why should I care if she meets someone else? I met someone else also. I am moving on with my life, so why can't I accept that Bella is doing the same? She might be moving away, but what is the difference? All her friends are getting married, making a family, moving away from _her_. She doesn't deserve to be alone. Who knows, maybe one day Lucy and I will decide to move out of Seattle. How would that be fair? Beg Bella to stay here and then leave when I feel like I don't need her?

I started the car and backed out of the parking spot. This was hurting her. I'm not stupid…none of us were. We could all see how much these changes were affecting her, but Bella, being who she is, refuses to ask for help. She could pretend she is happy, that she wants to leave, but her eyes always gave her away. I groaned, the pain in my stomach making it hard to breathe. It was entirely my fault, that was very clear. It was already painful enough for her to see me with Lucy. I can only imagine how hard it will be when she watches me say my vows. Why should she put herself through that pain? She doesn't deserve it. She shouldn't have to grieve over someone as worthless as me. I never did and never will deserve her love.

Maybe this move would be good for her. As much as I hated knowing that my best friend would be miles away from me, maybe in the end run she will be happy…even if it means I will never see her again. Maybe the distance will make her forget about me. She will meet someone new and realize how worthless I was. She will get married, have children and be perfectly happy. She won't ever have to think about me again.

If I knew this was going to be good for her, why were the sobs raking through my body now? I couldn't have both things I wanted. I couldn't do that to her. How selfish of me would that be? I love Lucy and I love Bella, but the love for them is completely different. How is that something I can control?

My car came to a stop. I looked around to see where I was and saw Bella's apartment. I needed to be with her right now. Something was pulling me to her, maybe it was the realization that we had so little time left together, or maybe it was me finally letting go. I knocked waiting for her to open the door. No one answered. I looked at my watch. Eight PM, she has to be home. I continued knocking. I was not going to leave until she opened this door. My head was on the door when it opened. Bella was standing there in a white towel with water dripping down her back.

Her mind looked like it was somewhere far from here, but she looked shocked to see me standing there. My eyes were probably red from the crying. I felt so pathetic. Why did this girl have such a strong hold on me? I loved Alice and Rosalie just as much, but it wouldn't hurt as much if they left.

"Edward, how can I help you?" She was being too formal. Her skin was reddening, probably from the fact that she was completely naked under that flimsy towel.

"I just wanted to visit." Her forehead creased. I hadn't come over for just a visit in a while. I was always too busy with other things in my life. I felt guilty. Bella always used to be on the top of my priorities, but that is after other important things came into my life. "Seriously I am just here for a visit." I smiled her favorite crooked smile. Please smile, just give me one little smile. She didn't smile. She opened the door a little wider and told me to come in.

"Just give me one second. I need to change." I wanted to follow her into the room. I didn't want her out of my sight. Did she know how painful this was for me? How painful it was to let go of her? I wanted to tell her, but what good would come of it? It would just hurt her more. I wanted to hold her in my arms and tell her that she has always meant so much to me. I wanted to tell her that I loved her with all of my heart, and that I was sorry that wasn't enough. I wanted to tell her that she will find someone better, much better than me, but that would just cause us both pain.

She walked back in. She was wearing jeans, a blue short sleeved shirt and her hair was in a bun. I took in my surroundings and for the first time I noticed all the packed boxes around me. I tried to swallow the lump that was in my throat. "Packing already? Are you that excited to leave?" I tried to make it sound like a joke, but my voice quivered at the end.

"I guess, or maybe it is because I am leaving soon," she seemed fine. "So Edward, why are you really here? You don't visit much anymore, there has to be a reason for this."

"No reason. I was driving home from Lucy's and I passed your apartment and decided to visit."

"Lucy's house is on the other side of your house. It is no where near mine."

Couldn't she just accept my explanation? "I told you, I just wanted to visit you…really."

She exhaled, "why? Aren't you busy with wedding plans?"

I decided to be honest. There was no point of lying. She could see right through me. "I missed you." I looked down at my hands, too much of a coward to look her in the eyes, "I will miss you." My voice broke.

"Oh please do not start this. You have made your decision and I have made mine. This is life. We have to live with it." She sounded angry. I was shocked, Bella never held grudges; she was always such a softy.

I looked up, staring more at her mouth, still too afraid to look her in the eyes. "Holding grudges now are we?"

I finally looked her in the eyes and the hardness in them softened a bit. "No, or at least I am not trying to. I am just trying to make this as easy as possible for us." She bit her lip. I knew that action too well. She was trying to stop herself from crying. I felt the instinct to comfort her, just as I did that day in Florida. I walked over to the chair she was sitting in and got down on my knees. I took her hands in mine. The lump appeared again.

"I am so sorry," I focused on her knees. It would be easier than looking at those beautiful chocolate eyes. "I have so many things to be sorry for. I am sorry that as a friend I let you down. I had promised you that I would always be there, and once something caught my attention, I just left you. I am sorry that you fell in love with someone as pathetic as me. I am sorry that I can't be the man you want – deserve. I am sorry that because of me you are in pain." She let out a soft whimper and I cringed, but I continued, "I am sorry that you are leaving because of me. I am sorry that you are not in Lucy's spot. I am sorry that I can't give you everything you need."

"Edward…" Her voice was a little louder than a whisper. I refused to look at her. How can I look at someone that I hurt so much? Her small hand took a hold of my chin and lifted it upwards, forcing me to look at her. "You never let me down. You moved on with your life, which is very normal. That happens to everyone. You have given me everything I need. You gave me a best friend. You were there when I needed you most. I am sorry that your love is not the same as mine, but that is life. You can't force it. I'm not leaving only because of you. I am leaving because I need this for me." Her voice got quieter. "I need a new start, a fresh beginning. Everyone is getting their own beginning, I deserve one too, don't you think?" I nodded, completely agreeing with her.

She took a deep breath. "I wish things could be different, but this is how they are. I wish I was the one with the ring around my finger, I wish I was the one who you swore your heart to, but I am not. Life isn't always fair. I will live." She gave me a sad smile which broke my heart. I bowed my head and cried on her legs. She bent down and kissed the top of my head, leaving her lips there. "I will be fine." She whispered into my hair. I couldn't stop crying. How odd, the girl who was hurting the most was comforting the one who did all the hurt to her. It was typical Bella.

After I felt like I pulled myself together, I got up and walked back to the couch I was previously sitting on. I looked up at her and she had a slight smile on her face. She really did look fine. She looked better than fine. She was taking this much better than I was. She couldn't be lying. I could always tell when she is lying or trying to hide something. Maybe she had finally accepted that our futures weren't meant to be entwined together. My eyes started to sting.

I didn't want her to accept that. Why couldn't she tell me I was making the biggest mistake of my life, that me letting her go would kill me in the end. Why was she acting so nonchalant? Why was she acting like she was just going to go on vacation, and that when she came back everything would be just as perfect as it used to be? I wanted her to be just as upset as I was. I wanted her to be crying her heart out. I wanted her to yell at me or to slap me.

I wanted her to jump into my arms and give me the most passionate kiss she has ever given anyone in her life. I wanted her to convince me to not marry Lucy. I wanted her to stop the wedding…what?

"Do you want water or something?" I felt too embarrassed to look at her. What was I just thinking? I really was going crazy.

"Sure," I mumbled. I put my head in my hands. Was I just thinking that? Did I just say that I wanted her to stop the wedding? No, it was my mind running wild. All the emotions got to me and made me incoherent. Plus the lack of sleep doesn't do anything good to your mind.

Or maybe I was crazy. Maybe I was like some of those crazy people who thrived on people's pain. Knowing that people were hurting for me made me feel better. I want Bella to be hurt because I am getting married, because it just shows how much she loves me.

I am losing my mind. Who thinks that? I should be happy that she is moving on, that she is finally realizing that there are better things for her out there. I came here to convince her that she was going to be fine, but now I am hoping that she won't be fine? What kind of sick psycho am I? There is no reason to want that. There is no reason to want her to continue begging me. It is over. I have made my decision. I am getting married soon, but no matter how much I tried to convince myself, the fact that Bella was the one comforting me kept on bugging me.

She set down the water and sat down next to me. I wanted to yell at her, to cheer her on for being so strong, to call her stupid for already giving up, I wanted to kiss her, I wanted to leave her…I didn't know what I wanted to do. Since when was I so unsure about what was going on in my life? I loved Lucy, I was sure of that, and I loved Bella, but just not in the same way. So if it wasn't the same way then why was I freaking out?

She cleared her throat, "are you sure you are ok? Because I swear to you I am perfectly fine, or as fine as someone who is leaving the people she loves most can be." Would she think I was crazy if I told her I didn't want her to be fine? Probably, I was starting to believe that I was losing my mind.

Why did I want to do this to her? I can just imagine what that would do. It would make her indecisive, what the evil part of me wanted. It would make her sad, she wouldn't understand why I was doing this to her. Then it would make her angry, for ruining the little happiness that was starting to form in her life.

"Edward? Edward…you look like you are in pain." She was clutching my arm. The warmth of her hand and the closeness of her body were not helping. I looked at her, for the first time in the many years I had known her; I finally opened my eyes and truly looked at her. She was beautiful, the most magnificent creature I had ever set my eyes on. Lucy was gorgeous, but Bella had a beauty that no girl can match. Her soul was just as beautiful. Always so loving and caring, so innocent in her ways. She outshined every girl that stood near her. She had a beauty that no one can touch, especially me.

As long as you are happy Bella, that is all I want you to be, I thought. "No, I am good. I'm not in pain." I smiled showing her nothing was wrong with me. She smiled with relief. Oh how strong she was, she had ten times the strength of anyone I knew. She had a heart of gold, always trying to do the right thing. I never did understand why I did not love this girl.

"I should go, it is getting late and we both need rest." I didn't want to leave. Her warmth and beauty made me want to stay there forever, but if I did I would not be able to think straight…I was already starting to losing my mind. She got up and followed me to the door.

"Can you promise me one thing?" She asked. I nodded. "Promise me that you will never forget me. No matter what happens. If I never see you again, you won't forget me."

How can I forget someone as glorious as her? "Never, I can never forget you. You are always the first thing I think about. How can I forget someone that has so greatly affected my life?" Her lips quivered. Why was she acting like this was goodbye. I was going to see her soon. "Won't I see you soon? You aren't leaving for another three days."

She looked down at the floor, "I don't know. I am kind of busy." I was anxious again. We still had the wedding.

"I am going to see you at the wedding…right?" She looked away. "Bells, you have to be there…I need you there. Please, do not tell me this is the last time I am going to see you." I was starting to get emotional again.

She hesitated, "no…I will be there, of course."

"Thank you." I turned around to open the door. She gently placed her hand on my shoulder. Would this be the last time I would be this intimate with her? Most likely. There will be tons of people at the wedding, I will be lucky to even have a fifteen minute conversation with her.

How did we end up here? Our bond was mangled and broken until it was dragged to this, the both of us desperately clinging on to each other, neither one of us wanting to say goodbye. Could I really just let her go, this easily? Did I have a choice? The touch of her hand felt like it was a boulder on my shoulders, keeping me in place. I couldn't walk away right now even if I tried. At that moment nothing and no one mattered to me, other than Bella. Lucy and the wedding seemed so insignificant compared to the fragile hand that was lightly pressing against my shoulder.

_The doorbell rang and I raced down the stairs hoping it was the one face I wanted to see. I opened the door and there she was, a big smile on her face, with something rather large wrapped in red in her hands. I mirrored the grin. _

"_Long time no see," I joked._

"_I see you every single day in school, Edward." Bella walked over to the piano bench and sat down. _

"_That's different. You haven't been over in a while. What's up? Are you only here because it is my birthday?"_

_She smiled, "I haven't been over in a while because I have been busy, and actually I am here because of your birthday." _

_My smile fell. She was only here because she felt bad that she hadn't been over in a while, and since it was my birthday she was trying to make up for it. She started to laugh which confused me even more. _

"_Calm down, Edward. I have been busy because I have been preparing for your birthday."_

"_Of course," I felt silly. Bella was the best of friend, she wouldn't just stop visiting and talking to me without a reason. _

"_Ok well this is for you." She handed me the large wrapped rectangle. "Go ahead, open it." She urged. I carefully opened up my present. It was a picture frame – a fairly long picture frame. Instead of a picture, there were neatly written out music notes, written on fancy looking paper. I didn't recognize the notes._

"_What's this?" I asked. She pouted. I didn't mean to sound rude, I just didn't understand why she gave me music notes._

"_They are music notes." _

"_I don't recognize the song."_

_She smiled again, "you wouldn't."_

_If I couldn't recognize it, how could she? Bella barely knew anything about music. "How do you know what it is?"_

"_I wrote it," she blushed. My jaw dropped. _

_I finally understood why she had been so busy. "That's why you didn't come here much." I walked over to the piano wanting to play the song. _

_She stood in my way. "I'm going to play it for you. You sit down." She pointed to the couch. I cringed. Bella wasn't the best when it came to playing the piano. I tried to teach her once over the summer and she even had problems finding middle C. "It's not bad, or at least, I don't think it is." She turned towards the piano.  
_

_She looked confident, so I gave her the benefit of the doubt. The song started a little rough, but it seemed like it was supposed to be that way, it quickly turned in to an up beat song, and then it became slow and sweet. It was the most beautiful song I had ever heard. If I didn't know better, I would have sworn it was already a song that was played at concerts. I was mesmerized. Not only by the song she was playing, but by the fact that she had learned to do this for me. I couldn't speak when she was done._

"_Was it that bad?" She asked looking at her hands._

_I was shocked. She had no right to think it was bad at all. It was better than the songs that I had written. "Bad? No, Bella, that was amazing. How long did it take you?" _

"_Months...maybe more, it has been so hard keeping it a secret. I would go to Artie's Music Store once in a while so you wouldn't notice, but these past couple of months I have been going there everyday to play on the piano, and the guy there helped me out a lot."_

_She looked so happy knowing that I loved it. Who wouldn't love it? Anyone would be honored to have their best friend write a song for them. "What's it called?" _

"_Edward's song," she blushed scarlet._

_"Explain it to me."_

_"Well, it starts rough because that's how our friendship started. Remember, you are the meanest kid. Then it is upbeat because it was exciting having you as a friend, all the fun we had and everything. And then it is slow for all the times you were there for me when I needed someone."_

_"That is exactly what I thought when I heard it," I was surprised we thought of it the same way._

_"That's why I wrote it that way. Because I knew you would be the only one to understand it."_

_I walked over to her and put my arms around her waist. "That present beats money, cars, games and everything else. I never thought anyone would ever do that for me. Thank you." _

"_Happy eighteenth birthday, Edward." She pulled my head down and gave me a kiss on the cheek. My skin burned from her touch. She moved away from me and picked up the picture frame. "Let's find a place in your room to hang this." _

_I had the most amazing friend. No one could top her. I was proud, I was in awe, I was in love._

I was in love. I gasped, that memory...was I really that naive? I could feel every line, every crease in Bella's hand now. I really was in love with her. I thought back to all the memories of me and her. Every action, every word, was because I loved her. It was so obvious. How did everyone else see it but me? All those feelings, all those years ago were not just friendly feelings. It was love. Did I know that then? No, I couldn't have, if I did I would have asked her to be mine and would have never let her go. No, I was an ignorant eighteen year old, just as ignorant as I was now.

All those years missed…all that pain that I put her through. I could have made her happy. Could I still make her happy? Or would telling her make it worse? Would being with Lucy be better for the both of us? Would going to Arizona be better for her? Is there someone out there better for her? I was full of questions. Lucy, what about her? How can I hurt her too? I did love her, a part of me wanted to be with her.

I turned around. "Bella…" I didn't know what I wanted to say. I love you…I want you…I have always wanted you…I can't have you…even though I am picking someone else, you were my first love. None of it sounds good enough. I had to leave. I had to go think things through. I had to be rational about this. I couldn't just jump to conclusions. If someone had to get hurt, I had to know exactly what I was doing. I had two more days. Two days to think everything through before I do anything

She hugged me. "I promise I will go to the wedding. Don't worry about it." If only that was the thing I was worrying about. She noticed the fear in my eyes, but she had no idea it was because of what I had just realized.

I left after that. I was so lost, so confused. I was so sure of my path a couple days ago, and now, I was thinking a hundred things a minute. I love her. I love Lucy, but I love Bella. The girl of my dreams, the girl I always thought I couldn't get. I couldn't get her because she didn't want me, I couldn't get her because I had convinced myself time and time again that I didn't love her. I forced myself to see her in a different way than I was destined to. And now, here I was, more confused than ever, with a wedding in two days. Two days. I had a decision to make, one of the most important decisions of my life. Only two days to make it.

**Sorry if I have been making some of you guys anxious lol. I hope you enjoyed this one :) Thanks again for the reviews!**


	18. AN

Hey guys!

Ok first, I am sorry that the chapter is not up yet. It was a pretty long chapter and when I was almost done my laptop screwed up and I had to send it in to get fixed. It is coming in like 3 days and once I get it back I will start on re writing that chapter.

So to the people who are wondering. I am planning on finishing this story. This is probably going to be the last chapter just because I have so many things going on that I really don't have time to keep writing it. Maybe in a month or two I will make a sequel or something. But I won't stop with this story until it is finished, and I promise the next chapter will be up in a week or two )

Thanks for reading!


	19. Chasing Love

The sharp pain woke me up. I swatted the air thinking it was someone jabbing at my head. I opened my eyes realizing that it was all in my head. I looked around and saw a couple of beer bottles around my bed. I could not have drank that much, I barely ever drank. Emmett and Jasper probably joined me or something. I threw my legs over the bed and quickly got up, the room swayed and my legs gave out, once again falling back onto the bed. No, I definitely drank all those beers by myself. I took a deep breath and steadied myself, slowly making my way to the bathroom.

Looking in the mirror did not make me feel any better. It was my wedding day and I looked like crap. My face was flushed, with sweat beading on my forehead. My eyes were dull and underneath them there were hollow, dark, sagging bags. I looked away from the mirror as I washed down the three Advils with water from the tap. After I felt like I could walk a long distance, I headed down the stairs and towards the kitchen. Passing the living room I noticed some more empty bottles. How much did I drink?

Walking into the kitchen made me even more disgusted with myself. My usually tide kitchen was a mess. It did not look like I lived here. It seemed like this was Emmett's house. There was food everywhere…and some more bottles of alcohol. I walked over to the table and put my head on it. What did I do? Why did I drink so much? I knew the answer, but I was too ashamed to admit it. I had not made a decision. I didn't know what to do, so instead of making a final decision, I ran away from them, drinking my problems away. God, did I even think that I wouldn't fully run away? That I would eventually come back to reality?

I banged my head against the table. "Make a decision already," I yelled to myself. Why was this so hard? My head and my heart were telling me to do two completely different things. If I followed my head, would I find happiness? If I followed my heart, would I end up getting hurt because of a stupid decision I made without thinking about it? How did I end up in this hole, and why can't I get out? I looked at the calendar next to the fridge. Did these past two days already pass? Why couldn't I remember a thing?

The phone rang making me jump in my seat. I kept my head on the table as I reached for it. "Hello?" My voice sounded hoarse, like I hadn't spoken in days.

Alice's worried voice came from the other end. "Oh good, you finally picked up. We have been really worried." She paused, hesitating. "Did you make a decision?"

I shook my head and then realized she couldn't see that. "I don't know. I really can't remember."

"Well, I guess that means you didn't. Jasper and Emmett will come over right now. They are already finished so they will just go with you and we will meet you guys at the church." She hung up, taking my silence as an agreement. I sat there until I heard banging on the door, making my head pound.

"Your house stinks," Emmett never failed to be blunt.

"Edward what happened to you?" Jasper followed inside and headed towards the couch.

"I don't think I was around," I also sat on the couch.

"Dude, you locked yourself in this house, didn't answer our calls, and refused to let any of us in. You have definitely been around." Emmett was staring at the bottles in horror. "You drank all these by yourself?" He nodded towards the dozens of bottles on the table.

"There's more in the kitchen and in my bedroom." Jasper shook his head in disappointment.

"So are you going to get married or not?" he tried to sound cheerful but it was obvious that he was disappointed in me.

"I haven't made a decision yet."

"You know you are getting married in four hours, right?" Emmett turned on the television, uncomfortable with the many awkward silences we were having.

"Yes, I just don't know what to do," I sighed.

"Why are you being such a damn baby about it? Be a man an pick one!"

"Emmett, it isn't that easy. What if you had to pick between Rosalie and someone that made you just as happy, except they just had a few differences?"

"Easy I would pick my soul mate: Rosalie."

"Which one do you love?" Jasper asked.

I rolled my eyes, "Both, that is why I am having problems here. My mind is telling me that I love Lucy, that with her I can be happy. I know she completely loves me, but what if I won't be happy with her in the future? My heart is telling me that I love Bella, that she is my other half, but what if she ends up realizing that she doesn't love me? She had all these years to realize it and she finds out now? Why couldn't she realize it before I met Lucy?"

Jasper also dramatically rolled his eyes back at me. "Did you realize you loved Bella a long time ago?" I didn't answer, knowing what he meant. "You probably felt something, just like she did, but you two never thought it was love. You always thought it was friendship. You two are the most stubborn people I know, so I am not surprised that you have been denying it all these years."

"And Bella does love you," Emmett interrupted. "That is why you two refused to date anyone. You guys were stuck to the hip, and every time a guy would even show any interest in Bella, you would give him the death glare, scaring him to the point where he would be too afraid to even look at her. Bella would always blush and mumble and not pay attention to where she was going, every single time she saw you talking to a girl."

I chuckled, "Bella always blushes and falls because she doesn't pay attention to where she is going."

"Yes, but it was more than usual. When you would date you would date that person for a week or two and then forget about the girl, and the same goes with Bella. You couldn't stand to be with a girl, unless it was Bella. The only real relationship you have ever had other than Lucy was with Megan, and you stopped talking to Bella and everything. But remember what happened? You started missing Bella because you stopped talking to her because of Megan. You even cried." Jasper let out a howl of laughter. "And then you ended up breaking up with Megan and going back to Bella. You two always ended up back together. Right where you belong." He stressed the last four words.

"Do you guys not like Lucy or something?" I asked.

Jasper sighed, "No she is a great girl. We just don't think she is the one for you. If only you can see the love between you and Bella. I know you know you love her, and she knows she loves you, but if only you saw it from an outsider's point of view. You guys don't have to hold each other or kiss or anything. You can be across the room from each other and a stranger will still know that you two are in love. I just don't see that with you and Lucy. It seems like every time you hold Lucy's hand or kiss her you are trying to prove something to yourself."

I ran my hand through my hair in aggravation. "I don't know. I want to be with Bella, but what if it doesn't end well? With Lucy I know that I am safe. She will never get bored of me and I will never get bored of her."

"Don't you think you will get bored of faking you love her?" Emmett blurted out.

"I am not faking anything."

"You did say that it is your mind that is saying you love her, and not your heart." Jasper pointed out.

"My mind makes sense," I shrugged.

"So who is it, Edward?" Jasper asked after a few minutes of silence.

I took a deep breath. The lump that was there that night when I was at Bella's house reappeared. I didn't want to say it. I closed my eyes and childishly wished that I was in a world where everything was easily fixed by the throw of a coin. I knew that time was slowly slipping by and I had to get ready. "Lucy," I whispered. I opened my eyes and Emmett was staring at me with his mouth wide open, he was so sure I was going to pick Bella.

Jasper gave one quick nod. "Ok, you should go shower. Emmett and I will clean this place up a bit." I heard Emmett arguing in quite whispers with Jasper while I walked up the stairs. I took a cold shower; I needed something to wake me up from the shock I was in. I had finally made a decision, but why wasn't I happy? I gasped as the cold water hit my shoulders, no, I would feel the same way if I picked Bella. It was a catch 22.

Before I knew it, I was showered and dressed, standing in front of the mirror in my bedroom. I didn't even remember doing anything other than showering. The sunlight hit something in the room making everything around me brighter. I looked around and noticed the picture frame with the picture of the six of us playing chicken in the pool. The boy with the shimmering bronze hair looked so happy. Will he still be happy without his other half? I felt better knowing that I was in more pain than she was. She told me she was fine, she didn't know that these past two days were hell for me; she didn't know that there was a battle going on inside my body. She didn't have to know any of that.

--

I laughed when I saw Emmett vacuuming. This was a first. The laugh felt forced and awkward. "Rose can't get you to clean but Jasper can? Is it Rosalie you sleep with or Jasper?" He glared at me, still angry about my decision. The house looked much cleaner, and smelled better. Or, maybe it was me that smelled better.

"Are you ready?" Jasper came back from the kitchen. I tried to say yes but I couldn't, so I just nodded instead. Emmett stalked past me, I shrugged and followed. I knew that I was going to get even more crap with the other two. I would much rather deal with Emmett than Rosalie and Alice.

--

I was pacing in the little room the church offers for the groom to wait in till the wedding starts. Jasper and Emmett were anxiously watching me.

Emmett broke the silence, "Edward, you really don't look like you are happy with the decision you made."

I leaned my head against the window, "Yes Emmett." Was I lying to myself? I heard the door burst open and I reluctantly turned around, not wanting to be greeted by my sister in law and best friend's angry faces.

"She's leaving!" Tears rolled down Alice's face as she ran into her husband's arms. Jasper picked her up and sat her down on his lap. Rosalie hung her head, slowly walking towards Emmett. They didn't even acknowledge my presence. Was this their way of saying they were angry, or were they too upset to notice me at the moment?

"We already knew she was leaving. I know it's upsetting but we will visit her anytime you want. And we still have tonight," Jasper rubbed her back. Alice's cries just got louder.

Rosalie wiped the tears off her cheeks, "No, what Alice is saying is that Bella is leaving today…in a couple of hours." She turned her head towards Emmett's chest. "She said she couldn't even say goodbye because it hurt her too much."

My head snapped up. "What, she is leaving today? No, she promised she would come to the wedding. I told her I needed her. She can't leave. Her ticket is for tomorrow."

"No, Edward. She said she couldn't do it. I'm so sorry. I know this hurts," Rosalie whispered.

I turned around facing the window again. "You guys didn't tell her did you?"

"Tell her what?" Jasper asked.

My teeth clenched in frustration. "You guys didn't tell her that I realized I loved her did you?" There was nothing but silence. I spun around. They were all staring at the floor. "Did you?" I demanded. They all shook their heads. "Good, let's keep it that way. I don't want her to be upset."

"I wish I told her." Alice stuck out her chin like a child. "Then maybe she would have stayed. She might have stayed for you."

"What would that have done? If I picked Lucy and she knew that I was also in love with her, it would have killed her."

Alice walked over to me and took my hands in hers. "It's not too late, Edward. Her plane doesn't leave for another two hours. You can still make it." Two hours? Had it not been four just moments ago?

"I can't." I choked on my words. "Everyone is waiting inside that church right now. Everything is set up. I can't just leave Lucy, on her most important day, at the altar. I can't do that to her. She will be devastated."

"What about you Edward? Are you happy, or are you just doing this to make others happy?" Jasper walked over to Alice and held her hand. Rosalie and Emmett also walked closer to me.

"Edward, you have to be one hundred percent happy with decision too. Remember, you are going to spend the rest of your life with Lucy. If you let Bella go, then maybe it will be too late." Rosalie put her hand on my shoulder.

"Maybe that is what I want. I want it to be too late. I don't deserve her, no matter how much I love her. I want her to find someone she is completely happy with. I want her to never want to bother visiting me." I stared at the clock; time was going by too quickly.

Emmett started laughing. "You are such a liar Edward. The last thing you want is for it to be too late. If you could turn back time to a couple years ago, you would do it in a second. We all know that you and Bella deserve each other more than anyone else. And you definitely do not want her to be with any guy. You have always been so over protective, always telling her that none of the guys that liked her deserved her."

"That's because no one she knows does deserve her, she still –"

"Oh shut up Edward. You don't think anyone deserves her because deep down you know that you are the only one for her. You two are like a puzzle that just fit together," Rosalie interrupted.

"Why are you two so stubborn? You both know you are meant to be together," Emmett agreed.

"No we don't know that. And what about Lucy? I am happy with her. I love her. I know I am meant to be with her." I argued back.

"If you were so sure of that, you wouldn't look like you are about to cry," Jasper pointed out.

"I look like that because I just found out my best friend is leaving on my wedding day. I look upset because one of the most important people in my life is leaving without saying goodbye." I yelled.

"Then why are you still here crying about it? Go after her," Jasper challenged.

"I can't I am about to get married." I pointed to the clock, shocked to see that I had ten minutes before I had to walk into the church.

"Is Lucy more important than Bella? You said Bella is one of the most important people in your life. Is Lucy number one on that list, or is she tied with Bella…or is she below Bella? Because if she is below Bella then you know who you really should be with." Alice walked to the mirror and started fixing her makeup. I didn't answer; I didn't even allow myself to think about it. I couldn't mess this up too. I messed things up with Bella already; I couldn't hurt another person I cared about.

"Bella doesn't want me anymore, even if I told her I loved her," I finally admitted what I was too scared to admit earlier. "Last time I saw her she said she was fine. That she was actually happy. And you know what? She actually looked happy. She was the one who was comforting me."

Rosalie glanced at the clock and tried to talk as fast as possible. "Edward, we all know Bella is a terrible liar." I opened my mouth to tell her that it wasn't a lie when she told me she was fine, but Rosalie stopped me. "But, when she truly believes that doing something will make someone happier, she lies, and she is pretty damn good. She just sucks at stuff she doesn't fully believe in."

She took a breath and continued, glaring at who ever even tried to open their mouths to speak. "Before Lucy, you wouldn't give any girls the time of day. When we were younger you refused to talk, even look at any of the other girls. Bella was the only person you would hang out with other than us. You only talked to other girls when you had to. You only dated one girl in high school, and remember what happened? You broke up with her because she was intimidated by Bella and didn't want you speaking to her."

"Why is everyone bringing that up? I was young!"

"Because we are trying to make a point, so shut up. You chose Bella over someone that you actually really liked. All the time we spent getting you on blind dates were a waste, you would constantly make up lies so the girl would get disgusted and leave. The same goes for Bella. Did you ever see her show any interest in any guy? She would shoot down a guy before she even got to know him, always so focused on you. You guys have been so naive for such a long time, but it's not too late. Her plane isn't leaving yet, go after her. Don't make a decision you will regret."

"No, I am not going to change my mind. This is what Bella wants. She wants to start a new life, and I think she will be happier if she is far from me. You guys keep saying we are soul mates, but she has never been anywhere outside of Washington, maybe her real soul mate is somewhere out there."

"Sometimes your soul mate doesn't have to be on the other side of the world. Sometimes they can be right there, your whole life." Jasper looked at Alice affectionately. I looked away, always feeling awkward when they did that.

I noticed the clock, "It's time."

"No!" Alice broke her eye contact with Jasper. "Please Edward, think about your future, and think about Bella."

Think about Bella. I could have laughed if I didn't feel like throwing up from all the nerves. All I thought about lately was Bella. Most of my decisions revolved around Bella, especially this one. I couldn't sound weak; I couldn't let them try to change my mind. "This time I am just thinking about myself." Cold hearted bastard.

"Since when have you been so selfish?" Rosalie stomped past me before I could think of anything to say.

Alice grabbed my sleeve, "Edward, think about it."

I pulled away. "It's too late to think about it. It is my life, my future, my heart, Alice. This…this is what I want." She nodded and then walked out of the room. Emmett came by and patted my shoulder. Jasper stared straight ahead; somehow he knew how much this was affecting me.

--

I walked down the aisle with Jasper and Emmett following behind. Happy faces were staring at me from all directions. Wasn't I supposed to be happier than them? Bella and I weren't soul mates. If we were we would have found out we loved each other a long time ago, not now. We were just two friends that were slowly losing our hold on each other. We didn't want to let go so we formed this fake love for each other. Hoping that if we claim our love that we will be together forever. By then I was at the front of the church, waiting to get married.

Jasper leaned over and whispered in my ear, "whatever you are thinking, it isn't true." He had no idea what I was thinking, but if he only knew how much I knew it wasn't true. How much I was trying to make up lies that I can believe in, just so I wouldn't have to deal with the pain.

Seconds later Alice walked down the aisle followed by Rosalie. Both looked like they were attending a funeral instead of a wedding. I tried to get them out of my mind. None of them mattered. What about me? Why couldn't I be selfish and do something for myself? I was doing this for myself. In the end I picked Lucy because I wanted to be with her, why else would I pick her over Bella?

I looked up and I saw Bella in a beautiful wedding dress walking down the aisle. I felt a silly grin appear on my face. I blinked once and the vision blurred. This wasn't right. Bella wasn't even attending the wedding. I blinked again and a beautiful, tall tanned woman was walking my way.

Lucy's father placed her hand in mine. It felt so wrong. This wasn't the hand I craved for when I needed comforting. The skin was too hard, and not pale enough. It didn't have the same warmth the other hand had. The hand that would make all my troubled disappear. I looked at her and she gave me a reassuring smile. It didn't help. I wanted to see those big full lips. The lips that lit up my world when they spread into a smile. I looked around at my friends and family. My parents had sad smiles on their faces, my friends looked like they were about to cry, the strangers were the only ones with the bright smiles. This isn't how it is supposed to be. My family is supposed to be happy for me. This is supposed to be my happiest day.

We turned towards the priest. His words started to get fuzzy as I stopped paying attention.

"_It's not too late."_

"_Sometimes your soul mate does not have to be on the other side of the world."_

"_You both know you are meant to be together."_

Bella's voice rang so clear in my head, _"I have always loved you – from the very beginning."_

I closed my eyes, willing myself to forget those words. It's too late.

"_Alright this is the last song for the night, so grab your date and enjoy the last couple minutes of prom." The DJ announced. Everyone groaned, upset that prom was almost over. Bella sighed in relief. She was terrified the whole day, thinking that she was going to trip in those heels that Alice had forced her in._

"_Wouldn't it suck if I tripped during the last song? And I was doing so well." We stood around waiting for the song to start. Jasper and Alice were behind us, still slow dancing from the last song, too lost in each other to realize that the song had ended._

"_I won't let you trip." I grabbed her hand and held it tight. She giggled._

_She looked over her shoulder and smirked. "Jees, they are still at it. They can stare at each other like that all night."_

"_It's not as bad as Emmett and Rosalie. If they were here they would just stand around making out the whole night."_

"_Good thing their prom was last year," Bella agreed._

_The song started._

_Maybe it's intuition  
but some things you just don't question  
Like in your eyes, I see my future in an instant  
And there it goes,__I think I found my best friend_

_I couldn't help but laugh. Bella raised her eyebrows. "Sorry, it's just such a typical song to play at prom._

_I know that it might sound  
more than a little crazy__but I believe..._

_She also started to laugh. "You are right, can it get any cornier?" I looked around and noticed people were glaring at us because we were interrupting their last song._

"_Ok let's dance before the song is over," I laughed again. Bella blushed as she put her arms around my neck._

_I knew I loved you before I met you__I think I dreamed you into life_

_I stared into her eyes. My chest started to hurt. She quickly placed her cheek against me. I noticed that the back of her neck was a very dark shade of red._

_I knew I loved you before I met you  
I have been waiting all my life_

"_Do you believe in soul mates?" She whispered._

"_Why do you ask?"_

"_Because this stupid guy is talking about how he knew he loved her before he met her. That means they are soul mates, I think."_

_There's just no rhyme or reason  
Only the sense of completion  
And in your eyes, I see__the missing pieces I'm searching for_

_I listened to the words to the song before I answered. It wasn't as corny as I thought. "I guess in some ways I do believe in them. Someone who is out there waiting for you."_

_She pulled away and looked me in the eyes again. My chest started to hurt again. "Does it have to be someone out there? Can't it be someone you already know."_

"_Oh you mean like Jasper and Alice and Emmet and Rosalie? Yeah I guess, it is very rare though. They are very lucky."_

"_What if you find out someone is your soul mate, you know you have loved them since forever but you just don't do anything about it and one day they leave? Then they really aren't soul mates, are they?" _

_I think I've found my way home  
I know that it might sound  
more than a little crazy  
but I believe... _

"_No, I think that if they are actually soul mates no forces can keep them apart. Somehow they will find their way home."_

_She slapped my shoulder and started laughing. "Nice, copy the song. You are so romantic, Edward." We continued to dance in silence. Bella's words got me thinking. What if there is someone out there for me and I just let them go, will they find their way back to me? I shook my head. Why was I even thinking about this when I hadn't even found that person yet? As the song came to an end, I unconsciously pulled Bella closer to me. _

"_Thanks for taking me to prom." She gave me a gentle kiss on the cheek._

"_There is no one else I would rather go with." She shivered._

I felt a squeeze on my hand that brought me back to the present. I bit my lip to keep myself from crying. Too bad I hadn't realized back then that she was my soul mate.

"_What if you find out someone is your soul mate, you know you have loved them since forever but you just don't do anything about it and one day they leave?"_

How ironic, Bella knew our future since we were eighteen years old.

"Edward," Lucy hissed. I looked at the priest who looked back at his Bible and repeated what he had just previously said.

"Edward, do you take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife, to live together in the Holy Estate of Matrimony; to love, honor, comfort her and keep her in sickness and in health, and forsaking all others, keep you only unto her as long as you both shall live?"

"I…" I looked around. Alice was smiling, Rosalie and Jasper looked hopeful and Emmett looked like he was holding back a fit of laughter. The whispers in the audience started to get louder.

"Would you like me to repeat it again?" The priest sounded annoyed.

"No, I understood everything." I looked at Lucy who was starting to realize what was going on.

"So what is your answer, Edward?" He asked.

"I…" My face started to heat up. "I…can't." Gasps, what's and no's sounded throughout the room. Lucy's lips set in a firm line, her hands slipping out of mine. "Lucy, I am so sorry."

She looked back at me with sad eyes. "You are going after Bella, aren't you?"

"How do you know?"

"Even I could see how much you care about her. You love her, and you can't help it." She smiled, trying to make the tears stay back.

"You know I wish it could be different." I lied. I knew it was exactly how I wanted it to be. Deep down, I have always wanted to be with Bella. They were all right. I never gave anyone the time of day because she was the only person I wanted. When I found out I had feelings for her and she didn't, I ran away to the first person I could think of. I just hated that it was Lucy who had to end up getting hurt.

She laughed; I was shocked she was able to find any humor in what was going on. "You don't wish it was different. She has always had your complete heart from the very beginning. I have seen the way you look at her, even when I was with you, it would always be like she was the only girl in the room. Sometimes your eyes would glaze over like you were looking at an angel."

"Edward!" Emmett shouted.

"I am really sorry, Lucy. I wish I didn't have to hurt you like this. I hope you find someone that will love you with all his heart."

"I hope so too." I gave her a hug and turned around, on the right side, from Lucy's family, angry eyes were piercing through me. I looked over to the left side where my family and friends were sitting. They couldn't be happier.

Jasper walked over and pushed me towards the door. "Go Edward." That was all I needed. I ran down the aisle not paying attention to the insults and cheers coming from both sides of the audience. The only thing that was on my mind was Bella. When I had gotten outside I realized that I didn't have my car. Emmett's jeep was parked far away and the limo was too big and slow. A young teenager was getting off of his bike; I ran to him and quickly pulled my wallet from my pocket. "How much for the bike?"

"This? It's not for sale." He put the keys in his pocket and was about to walk away.

I grabbed his shoulder and held him in place. "Here," I didn't look at how much I gave him, but by the look on his face, it must have been a lot.

"Dude, the bike isn't even worth that much!"

"Do you want the money or not?" I was in too much anticipation to be as nice as I wanted to be. The boy nodded, grabbed his keys from his pocket, placed them in my hand and walked away. I hopped on the bike and drove to Bella's house as fast as I could. I stopped at a red light, my foot itching to hit the gas. No, the last thing I need is a policeman slowing me down because of speeding.

"_I want to become a famous author one day." Bella announced as she closed the book she had been reading for the past seven hours._

_I got off the computer and sat next to her on the couch. "You plan on becoming a famous author and live in Forks your whole live?"_

"_No, maybe I will move to Seattle, or some other city. Maybe a different county, I think that would be very nice."_

"_Bella, you love Washington." _

"_Yes, but change is good. I want to experience the world." _

"_And you are going to leave poor old me here in Forks? You know the only reason I have survived in this boring town for so long is because of you," I joked._

_She bit her lip, intently thinking about the future. "Well, you are going to come with me." She nodded and looked back at me, "yea, you are going to experience the world with me."_

"_I'll go anywhere you want me to go." She scooted closer and I wrapped my arms around her. _

"_I think I would be depressed if I didn't see you every day, so of course you have to come along with me, that simple," she yawned. _

"_Same here, life wouldn't make sense without you in it." _

_She giggled, "You are such a girl, Edward."_

"_I know, but it's true."_

"_I know, and I feel the same exact way."_

The light turned green and I sped the rest of the way there. My heart started pounding when her house came into view. It's not too late. We will finally get our happy ending, I thought to myself. I jumped off the bike and ran to the door.

"_So Edward, when will you ask me for my blessing?" Charlie asked over the dinner Bella had made. _

"_Excuse me sir?" Bella obviously knew what he was talking about because she was blushing red._

"_Blessing, Edward. You know, if you want to marry Bella." He said it like Bella and I were in love._

"_Dad, it's not funny. You know Edward and I are best friends, you know that." I looked down at my empty plate. _

"_That's what you say now." He popped a piece of fish into his mouth. "Oh please, I am not stupid. Are you two secretly dating? Edward, you know I am a police man, I can easily find out." Bella rolled her eyes. "Either you are secretly dating or sooner or later one of you guys will find out you are in love with each other."_

"_That's not going to happen dad." Bella took my empty plate to the kitchen._

"_You can't control love, right Edward?"_

"_Right Charlie."_

"Bella!" I hurled myself at the open door. I stopped as soon as I walked in. The living room was completely empty. No suitcases, no boxes, no Bella. My fluttering heart stopped. She was gone. "Bella!" I shouted again.

"She's not here," a voice came from the door. I turned around and the landlord was standing there. "She left about an hour ago. I wasn't expecting her, but she said she changed her flight. She seemed pretty upset. Said she had to leave as soon as possible. I think her plane is leaving in about thirty minutes."

"So soon?" The landlord nodded, looking at me with pity. I had time. I could make it to the airport before the plane left. I ran past the old man and back onto the motorcycle.

"_Bella, please come with us to Hawaii. Everyone wants you there." I had been sitting in Bella's room for two hours, trying to convince her to come with on our family vacation._

"_No I am going to feel weird." She crossed her arms and stared straight ahead._

"_You are going to spend the last two weeks of summer break alone? Jasper, Rosalie and Alice are coming back the same time we are." She shook her head. "Come on, I packed your bags. Please come. Charlie said it is fine and my parents love you and want you to come and Emmett wants someone else to annoy."_

_She gave me a disgusted look. "It's not about that. I don't want you guys paying for Hawaii. Do you know how expensive that is?"I knew that this wasn't going anywhere._

"_Fine," I stood up and left the room. I went to my house and told my parents the change of plans. I grabbed my suitcase and ran back to Bella's room. She gave me a curious look when I came in with a sleeping bag and my suitcase. "I guess I will be your roommate for the next two weeks then."_

"_What?"_

"_You don't go to Hawaii, I don't go to Hawaii." I sat down in the chair across from her and mimicked her position._

"_Edward, please go. I don't want your summer break to suck because of me."_

"_It would suck even if I went to Hawaii without you."_

"_Why are you so stupid? Go to Hawaii. Why do you want to stay here in boring Forks with the most boring person ever?" _

"_Don't you get it? I wouldn't have fun there without you. I want to be with my best friend."_

I pushed through the people strolling their suitcases into the airport and ran straight to the first worker I saw. "Flight to Phoenix, Arizona…when did it leave?" I gasped.

"We have two. One just left five minutes ago and the next one is leaving in about three and a half hours." The attendant walked away, hurrying to make it to her flight.

I was late. She left and I wasn't going to see her. A part of me wanted to go buy a ticket and follow her there, but then I remembered that I had no idea where she was going in Phoenix. The whole time I knew she was leaving I didn't even bother to stop for a second and ask her where exactly in Phoenix she was going. I quietly swore to myself as I made my way back out to the motorcycle.

I didn't know where I wanted to go. Going home would be too depressing. I didn't want to go to anyone's house, knowing that they would treat me like I was fragile. I drove straight ahead, going back to the church. Maybe the limo was still there.

It started to drizzle, but that didn't bother me. I wanted to feel the cold; it reminded me that I wasn't completely numb. Stupid, naive, blind but not numb.

She probably realized that she didn't need me. That's why she didn't say goodbye; she didn't need it to be final. She was fine with just leaving, walking out of my life without looking back.

_I was running through the empty dark streets looking for her. The police asked me where her favorite spots were, but I knew that wasn't where she was going. I slowed down when I finally saw her. Walking a couple feet ahead of me, a backpack on her back and sobs violently shaking her body._

"_Why are you following me Edward?" She didn't even bother to stop and turn around to talk to me._

_I continued following her, leaving only a few feet between us. "Why are you running Bella?"_

"_I'm not running, I'm walking."_

"_Funny Bells."_

"_Stop following me." Her voice got hard._

"_You honestly think that you can make it all the way to Arizona by walking? If you want to see her you could have asked me. I would have driven you there."_

"_You just got your license; you think Charlie would let you drive me all the way to Arizona?"_

_I closed the distance between us and grabbed her hand. "Do you think Charlie is happy with this? He is freaking out, thinking that something happened to you. I knew where you were going so I told him to give me a couple of hours before he starts posting up those missing signs."  
_

_She pulled her hand out of mine. "It's her fault." She started to cry again. I grabbed her hand again and pulled her towards me. She pressed her hands against me, but I wouldn't have any of that. I pulled her into me and wrapped my arms around her tightly._

"_It's not fair! The first time she calls me in years is to tell me that she is getting married! She just walks away from me and my dad without a single glance back and then goes to some other man. He has kids. He has two kids! What is she thinking?!"_

"_So why do you want to walk all the way to Arizona?"_

"_Because I want to tell her how much I hate her. I want to tell her that she is the worst mother. I want to tell her that I still haven't and never will forgive her for hurting me and my dad."_

"_You know none of that is true Bella. If it was, you wouldn't bother going to see her, you would just phone her. You are mad that she is getting married, but I think you are more jealous. You want your mom Bella. It's ok to say that, Charlie won't hate you because of that." She didn't say anything. I knew I was right. "Next time you want to do something like this, how about be honest with your dad."_

"_He will get mad. It will be like I am betraying him. Wanting to see my mom when she walked out on us," she sniffled._

"_No, your dad loves you. He understands. I think it would hurt him more if you said you hate her, because deep down, he still loves Renee. And you don't need to lie to me and say that you hate her, and you definitely do not need to lie to yourself."_

_I held her in my arms until the crying ceased._

"_Thanks for coming after me Edward."_

"_Just promise me you will never leave the city, state or country without saying goodbye to me first."_

"_Promise."_

My breathing got heavier. My vision was being blurred from the rain mixing with the tears in my eyes. All those promises were broken. All I had of her now were memories.

I had just turned the corner when I saw a figure sitting on the steps of the church. Who would be sitting out in the rain in front of the church? The figure stood up, watching me come closer and closer. The rain, like a veil, prevented me from seeing who it was. I stopped the bike by the curb but didn't bother getting up.

What was she doing here?

"Lucy?" I whispered. I wasn't sure she heard. The rain and wind swallowed my words.

"I promised you I would come to your wedding. I couldn't leave without saying goodbye."

"Bella." I dropped the bike and ran the few steps of the church. I was standing right in front of her. Her long brown hair was plastered to her face. Her eyes were swimming in tears.

"What are you doing driving around in the rain on your wedding day?" She pushed my hair out of my eyes. A smile appeared on her lips.

"I decided to make some last minute changes." Standing in front of Bella, it felt like the cold and rain were gone. "I have been looking for you everywhere."

"So I have heard."

"I'm not late, am I?" My voice shook.

"I could have waited a hundred years for you and you still wouldn't be late." Was it possible for a man to be as happy as I was at the moment?

"Bella I…"

"You don't need to say anything. I feel everything you feel."

"No but I need to say this." I felt a goofy grin on my face. What I was going to say sounded so simple, I meant it when I said it before, but this time they held a different truth. I gently held her face in my hand. "I love you." Those three words sent a wave of emotion through me. My past, present and future all flashed before my eyes, and they all contained Bella.

She reached up and placed her hands around my neck, "I have always loved you."

I couldn't prolong the moment, my body was aching for her. Our lips finally met, moving together in ways I only dreamed of. At that moment I realized what I had been trying to deny, she was my soul mate, and nothing in this world could make me think other wise. No forces can keep us apart. No matter what the situation was we always found our way back to each other, where we belong. This wasn't me in my drunken stupor. This wasn't me as a kid who just kissed her because everyone else was doing it. 

This was me finally finding my other half; this was me completely in love. And for the first time in my life, in that one single kiss, I felt everything I needed in my life, right in front of me.

**Thanks for reading this and thank you for all the nice reviews! I know this story kept a lot of you anxious, but I hope it ended the way you wanted it to! Sorry it took me a while to put this up. As I said, I will probably start a sequel in a couple of weeks. If not a sequel then a new story so look out for that. Thanks guys!**


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